How do you court a homo-phobe?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2007 1:49 AM GMT
    So I was at this party and this cute guy kept eyeing me and I got gay vibes but my friend said he was straight and homophobic. I don't buy it for a second, my other gay friend also picked up on his gay vibes. I don't know this guy but he kept looking at me all night and I def think he was into me. Now he added me as a friend on myspace, I don't even know how he found me.

    What do I do? I mean I wanna know if he is gay but I don't want to come onto someone who might freak out and be all homophobic on me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2007 4:45 AM GMT
    In those cases, I'd just say something like "I noticed you looking my way, and wondered if we (to school together/ work near each other/ etc)." Of just "you look familiar, have we met before."

    If confronted by someone who says "why were you looking at me," you can always try something like "I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else."

    In a casual conversation, if he is gay, he will figure out a way to tell you if he wants to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2007 6:03 AM GMT
    Why not communicate with him through myspace since he added you there? Like thank him for adding you and noting that you met or saw him at the party, or something like that, and you can somewhat gage things by his response and go from there.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Dec 21, 2007 7:44 AM GMT
    I agree...contact him thru myspace
    and innocently say ... hey, didn't I see you at what's her names party the other night?

    and let him take it from the
    be careful not to puppydog him around
    it will be threatening to him and sad for you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2007 9:47 AM GMT
    if you really want to bother with him contact him about him adding you to his friend list.

    but hippie, why get involved with someone who is a known homophobe? sounds like asking for trouble. just leave it a few yrs and you'll find him hanging around your local gay bar!
  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Dec 21, 2007 10:01 AM GMT
    I think I would proceed with caution here Hippie. If you are really interested in him though, I think sending messages thru Myspace would be the way to go though. He made the first move by adding you!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2007 10:30 AM GMT
    Very Carefully - with MAXIMUM thought to your own safety.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2007 1:27 PM GMT
    I'm so envy of you. One day I'm gonna start a website call myfirststalker.com
    I'd just make friend with him and see what he got to say. let him take the lead.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2007 2:09 PM GMT
    Hippie, why don't you save yourself the trouble and just go buy some gasoline, a couple boxes of matches, throw them together and see what happens.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2007 2:11 PM GMT
    How do you court a homo-phobe sounds like the set-up for a great joke...

    On the serious side: wait until he's out and has himself together. Then date him.
  • DiverScience

    Posts: 1426

    Dec 21, 2007 2:21 PM GMT
    Run. He's got issues, whether they're personal or familiar or what. You deserve better than someone who hates himself.
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Dec 21, 2007 2:40 PM GMT
    Here's your answer ... move on. He needs to come out, go see a therapist to like himself ... Guys are like buses my my dear hippie4lyfe - there's another one coming every 15 minutes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2007 2:49 PM GMT
    ok my answer differs from most people up here in one way. The first suggestion is: obviously don't date this person. As everyone else has said, he's not dating material.
    The second is: what is it you want from this person? If it's just sex, i don't see a problem with being really straight-forward in your next email to him and asking him. I think if he buddied you randomly, he probably got the vibe from you and is interested somewhere down the line in messing around. Just go ahead and ask him, get it out of the way. Say something like this:
    "Hey, noticed you were lookin at me at that party. You wanna get together (or hang out) sometime?"

    It's sufficiently vague to come across as "just friends" for those not in the know, but definitely hook-up language. Don't go pussy-footing, I think closeted guys respond best to people who take charge.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2007 3:18 PM GMT
    In answer to the question in title, don't date a homophobe.

    However, from what I read, you only have one person's opinion that this guy is a homophobe. He may be and then he might not be. I think it's definitely okay to respond to his adding you as a friend on myspace. You don't mention whether or not he knows you are gay. Is your orientation listed on your myspace page? Do you have any close mutual friends who might have told him? If so, if he's a homophobe it's doubtful he would've made the move to friend-add you. I don't think you should get your hopes up too high here, but a few friendly responses back and forth might help you answer your own questions about him. Just be casual and friendly - like GQJock said, don't puppydog him - keep it light and casual, see if he opens up at all about any interest.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2007 3:31 PM GMT
    Yeah, be careful about that. VERY CLOSETED and gay guys that seem to homo-phobic are ones that are just asking to give you trouble. I dated one. And it was the longest 3 years on and off of turmoil and mayhem. Just chat with him back and forth and if he does come out to you then see if you can help him get in a comfort zone with his sexuality. Sometimes its something they have to do on their own. I have that same question you ask alot bc Ill be in a store or something and Ill have a guy eye me all through the store but he is apparently with his gf and it confuses the hell out of me bc youre gaydar is going off but then its like it glitches bc he "apparently" has a gf. Its confusing isnt it? lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2007 7:32 PM GMT
    Just ask if you can fist him...and then see what he says, 9 out of 10 times they say yes, but that one time you have to buy them dinner first.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2007 7:46 PM GMT
    you don't closet cases are not worth anyones time
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2007 11:50 PM GMT
    How about hello...dah! If he did that much looking then he was wiating for you to say somthing.

    How do your friends know one that's he's straight and scondly that he's homophobic.

    Did he say something or do something to them?

    He could just be shy... did you ever consider that?

    What proof do you have?

    It's wron to assume something about someone without proof.

    Oh..to answer you question . You don't court a
    homop-hobe why would you want to????
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 23, 2007 12:02 AM GMT
    Well I made a little conversation with him and made it clear that I was gay/bi/or just a crazy open minded straight guy. Not sure how it came across at that party lol. I don't know how or if he is a homophobe, my friend said he was somewhat anti-gay or made a comment. Whatever, I mean I used to make anti-gay comments before I came out. Homophobes are often gay and just need some self acceptance and love.
  • Salubrious

    Posts: 420

    Dec 23, 2007 12:42 AM GMT
    People seem awfully unsympathetic. I don't know if you guys never went through that semi-homophobic (read: comments I would make) pre-coming out stage. I know I did. I'm glad none of the people who I met talked to some of you guys. Just being friendly to the guy doesn't mean you are going to date/hook up/whatever. It's just one of those wait and let him make the moves deals
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 23, 2007 5:19 AM GMT
    I agree salubrious, you sound like a nice guy icon_biggrin.gif rare breed these days.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 28, 2007 2:27 PM GMT
    I think this guy is either A. Straight or B. really closeted and can't handle it. I am gonna go with B but I sent him a message, he did not respond and he had some stupid application of do you think I am hot and i clicked yes. Haha I know this guy was totally crushing on me at the party, he needs help coming out. ehhh I am not gonna waste my time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 28, 2007 2:37 PM GMT
    Well, if he's in the closet, personally I recommend that you don't bother with him. Homophobic homosexuals and in-the-closet types have issues they need to resolve...unless of course you want to be the one to bring him out. I don't recommend it, but if you're up for a challenge....

    A million years ago, I dated an in-the-closet-man and it was not fun at all. I definitely didn't have the patience to deal with someone who worries about whether others think he is gay or not. He had issues then...and still has them to this day.

    Let them date each other.

    Yes, I know it is harsh commentary, but that's life.

    ;-)

    Happy New Year
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 28, 2007 2:47 PM GMT
    I fell in love with a homophobe homo. We even lived together for a whole year. The kid had more issues than TIME magazine. Things that come to mind: violent, alcoholic, fighting. I tried to bring him out of the closet. I tried to get him to accept himself. All I got out of it was a bruised ego and an empty bed.

    Becareful what you wish for. I thought I was doing a good deed but it turned into a year-long headache.

    If he friended you on the myspace then you should definately pursuit a relationship. But keep your spidey-senses active. At the slightest sign of danger-- run like Forrest.