How masculine does "masculine" mean in the gay world?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2009 5:29 AM GMT
    I'm still rather disconnected from the gay community (though I'm working on a move) and was wondering about the degree of masculinity guys imply when they put that in an ad?

    I'm sure there's a range for everyone here. For myself, I'm not real strong, but I got a strong jaw. I'm not very into sports, but I can fix cars and build stuff. I basically come across as straight and have to tell people I'm not to connect the dots for at least straight folks.

    So, it seems like masculine could be about physical stuff or the way you carry yourself. So, when guys say they're looking for someone masculine, does that usually mean someone who doesn't act very feminine or a physique preference?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2009 6:14 AM GMT
    I think the use of that term is pretty subjective. I've been out on dates with a lot of guys who describe themselves as masculine.
    "Masculinity", by the way, is not a big issue for me. I've been with too many fun guys who are not traditionally masculine and know too many straight guys who act really gay - so, it's sort of lost its' value.
    Right off the top of my head I can think of 2 men I dated who described themselves that way, when all they really meant was "not flaming". Doing things like rotating your own tires, while speaking with a lisp makes the whole thing kind of weird. The number of effeminate "straight" men is mind boggling - and what about the butch straight women? There are lots of cultures that identify more than one gender and I think there's a reason for it.
    However, when a guy goes out of his way to constantly reiterate how masculine he is - that can be a turn off.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Nov 14, 2009 6:22 AM GMT
    Very good question,
    When i say i'd prefer masculine guys i guess i really mean i'm not into a fem personallity, i prefer no lisps or vouge queens, strictly manly....
    I love my fem boys please dont get me wrong but for dating i want someone manly....icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2009 6:55 AM GMT
    I haven't the foggiest what it means, I've been called "manly" and "girly" and by the same people who called me either, so, it's like, meh, couldn't give a crap.

    Masculine to me isn't anything of importance, being true to your self and who you are is more important and I think a man who can do that regardless of what others say is more of a man then others who try to be erm "manly"

    but that's moi
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Nov 14, 2009 12:48 PM GMT
    I guess masculinity is akin to pornography... you (think you) know it when you see/hear it. I think David Beckham's got a great body and face, some sexy tattoos, and can kill on the field, but I think he speaks like a pubescent child and his style of dress is "metrosexual" at best. Half the gay population might find him masculine and the other half not.

    there's no scale, so if you're looking for someone "masculine", then be detailed about what that means; don't assume the other interprets it the same way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2009 1:14 PM GMT
    if someone describes themselves as masculine it´s because they think they are.

    icon_rolleyes.gif

    It tells you a lot about where they grew up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2009 1:16 PM GMT
    9780415389556.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2009 2:48 PM GMT
    It basically means gay guys who could pass as straight.

    Why gay guys would want to pass as straight is a different question, but at least they're good for sex ;)
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Nov 14, 2009 4:24 PM GMT
    Masculine means that you walk into a bar and order a glass of milk....................................... in a dirty glass !
    Thanks, Bob Hope.
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Nov 14, 2009 4:34 PM GMT
    SeaSon saidIt basically means gay guys who could pass as straight.


    i dont think it's so much passing for straight as much as not being able to be called out as gay. so basically, people would only know you're gay if you told them (or they caught you blowing somebody or something like that).

    that said, people's use of this word swings wildly... when i read it in profiles it means nothing because a) i dont care much whether a guy is masculine and b) the word is way too subjective to understand what it means coming from that person
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Nov 14, 2009 4:34 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor saidI think masculine in the gay world means you could perhaps pass for your average straight guy. I know many a gay guy that loves football but couldn't pass for straight if he tried...
    excellent reply!

    GND, your reply made me think of last sunday's Saints football game, televised at my local bar in my gay-friendly neighborhood.

    the bar was packed, free shots for every TD..expert football commentary being shouted out by some of the patrons at every play...football comments delivered with a nelly lisp is a audio riot! icon_lol.gificon_wink.gif

    the local commentary was as entertaining as the game was! icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2009 4:38 PM GMT
    It seems comical that so many guy in the "gay world" are so obsessed with that world masculine. Some even have a little web app thing that assigns a number to show how masculine/straight they are.

    The thing is, I don't remember seeing straight guys ever worrying about this. At least none of the ones I have known.

    Maybe when some guys place such an emphasis on it they are just trying to convince themselves they are like those "other gays" They are running from that little pink ghost!

    Pacman_title_na.png

    The more someone talks about that is a profile, the more suspicious I am of them. Anyway, maybe when someone asks for a masculine guy, maybe they should specify a minimum number on that gay straight scale.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2009 4:39 PM GMT
    How masculine does "masculine" mean in the gay world?

    When your eye shadow comes from a camo stick.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2009 4:40 PM GMT
    icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2009 4:47 PM GMT
    When I came out to people at a bar (reg. bar), they kept saying "No you're not!" and I'd say "Yes, I am" and they'd say "No, I would have never known"

    That's what it means.
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    Nov 14, 2009 5:01 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa saidHow masculine does "masculine" mean in the gay world?

    When your eye shadow comes from a camo stick.


    Ha...busted

    Masculine men have stealth activation against gaydar; can only be detected when his harness is exposed.
  • JayneCobb

    Posts: 709

    Nov 14, 2009 5:27 PM GMT
    wrestlervic saidWhen I came out to people at a bar (reg. bar), they kept saying "No you're not!" and I'd say "Yes, I am" and they'd say "No, I would have never known"

    That's what it means.


    I like this one. Thats how I view it as, just a normal dude who doesn't act like he could light a candle by snapping at it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2009 6:20 PM GMT
    wrestlervic saidWhen I came out to people at a bar (reg. bar), they kept saying "No you're not!" and I'd say "Yes, I am" and they'd say "No, I would have never known"

    That's what it means.

    I encounter that occasionally myself. One time my late partner & I were at the bar of a restaurant-pub in a large indoor shopping mall, having finished our shopping. A man on a stool next to me struck up a conversation with us.

    He explained he was "marooned" at the bar while his wife was shopping, an experience he hated. I raised my glass in sympathetic understanding, not an experience I enjoy myself in the modern world. Here at least he could watch sports on the bar TV, having something to eat with a drink.

    So we all had a good friendly chat, "guy" stuff about the game and other crap. Then suddenly he casually made an anti-gay slur, and got off onto a tangent about how much he hated gays! My partner & I exchanged glances, but decided to see how this would play out, and so said nothing about his comments, just answering neutrally with "Uh-huh" "Oh, yeah?" and so forth to his bigotry.

    The time came for us to leave, and we shook hands with him, big smiles, "nice meeting you" and all that good stuff. And as we walked out, I leaned over and said to him:

    "By the way, you should know you've been drinking with two gay guys who live together. You have a nice day!"

    My partner and I laughed so hard in the car going home when I told him about it! icon_biggrin.gif
  • italguynj

    Posts: 250

    Nov 14, 2009 6:46 PM GMT
    This issue is being discussed in a new documentary airing on Logo in spring 2010. Here is the link and the trailer. If you do not get Logo, the program will be streamed for free on Logoonline.com in spring 2010

    http://www.thebutchfactor.com/MAIN.html
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Nov 14, 2009 6:50 PM GMT
    I have talked with guys that say they are "masculine" on their profile when in fact in my opinion they are pretty much fem. Just because you wear a John Deer baseball cap doesn't make you masculine. I know a lot of guys on here act like the gay world is being taken over by masculine guys, but I find it still a rare occurrence.

    Although I find masculine men more my type, I have dated and pursued somewhat fem guys where their personality supersedes these stereotypes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2009 7:02 PM GMT
    Celticmusl saidJust because you wear a John Deer baseball cap doesn't make you masculine.
    if it was spelled Deer and not Deere is is probably a rip off icon_lol.gif But yeah, I doubt there are that many guys ever even touched a tractor. The only John Deere cap I ever had was full of dirt and tar .. not hair gel icon_redface.gif and it wouldn't be something I would wear out .. it would likely stay in my uncle's pickup truck icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2009 7:07 PM GMT
    If you don't shave, you only top and pearls don't fall out of your mouth when you talk, you're "masculine!" Such bullshit!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2009 7:13 PM GMT
    I like men myself, so gays that act like they belong in a skirt aren't attractive to me, but there is a hell of a lot of range in between isn't there. Each person I connect with has to be weighed on their own merits so how to state it in exact terms is nearly impossible.
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    Nov 14, 2009 7:58 PM GMT
    jawrhed saidThere are lots of cultures that identify more than one gender and I think there's a reason for it.


    Yeah...most recognize at least two! Sorry jawrhed, I had to go there. It was my masculine competitive dickwad side. icon_razz.gif

    Masculine can mean many, many things. To be 'masculine' simply means your number of traditionally masculine traits (judged by the culture you're immersed within) outweigh your traditionally feminine traits. What might pass for masculine in Japan, for instance, might not pass so much in American culture, and what passes in gay society for masculine might not pass among your straight counterparts. Different cultural norms and all...

    In my experience, though, the gay fixation on masculinity isn't the sports you play or the grease you can get under your nails working on your car, it's how you comport yourself in public and whether you demonstrate any of those stereotypically 'gay' qualities - a mince, a swish, a flip of the wrist or a Betty Boop voice. Seems to me most guys who are hung up on hanging with 'straight-acting, masculine' men couldn't care less if you can skin a bear with your teeth after wrestling it into submission, so long as when you go to boast of doing so, a purse and confetti of rainbows don't fall out of your mouth.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2009 8:20 PM GMT
    zdrew said To be 'masculine' simply means your number of traditionally masculine traits (judged by the culture you're immersed within) outweigh your traditionally feminine traits. What might pass for masculine in Japan, for instance, might not pass so much in American culture, and what passes in gay society for masculine might not pass among your straight counterparts. Different cultural norms and all...

    TOTALLY RIGHT.

    In my experience, though, the gay fixation on masculinity isn't the sports you play or the grease you can get under your nails working on your car, it's how you comport yourself in public and whether you demonstrate any of those stereotypically 'gay' qualities - a mince, a swish, a flip of the wrist or a Betty Boop voice. Seems to me most guys who are hung up on hanging with 'straight-acting, masculine' men couldn't care less if you can skin a bear with your teeth after wrestling it into submission, so long as when you go to boast of doing so, a purse and confetti of rainbows don't fall out of your mouth.


    You go gurl! Uh huh. icon_rolleyes.gif