In Legal/Divorce Terms What Does Marriage Rights For Gays Mean?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2009 8:11 PM GMT
    Aside from the obvious benefts of legally being married, what would happen when the relationship goes south?

    Would one partner have a legal basis to divorce if a partner started to smoke cigs?
    What about children? If one partner brought kids into the relationship, would the other partner be required to pay child support?

    Cheating......with another man OR woman?

    How about physical/mental abuse? What if your partner went out dancing and you found out he did drugs?

    What about "irreconcilable differences? (whatever that means)

    Your assets....or lack of?....if he didn't earn enough money and lived in the house you bought? Would you sign a pre-nup?

    Would these issues prevent you from wanting marriage, since you may be held accountable financially if you were legally found to be at falult as the cause for divorce?

    We all triumph the benefits of marriage. How about the responsibilities? Welcome to the real world.

    Most of these things could probably be solved between the couple, but imagine the trouble dealing with a formerly wonderful guy who suddenly turned vindictive or opportunistic and hands you divorce papers.

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    Nov 14, 2009 8:30 PM GMT
    Wow…
    The simple answer: The same as everyone else in your state…The same.


    Another question is would you work harder at your LTR or even start one if you had all of these questions to answer?
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    Nov 14, 2009 8:33 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidWow…
    The simple answer: The same as everyone else in your state…The same.


    Another question is would you work harder at your LTR or even start one if you had all of these questions to answer?


    That's the point of my post. Perhaps institutionalizing gay marriage will help gay people accept in their own hearts and minds the sanctity of their marriage and try harder to stay together when bumps in the relatinship happen. People say its just a piece of paper..a formality.........but it isn't.

    I think it will help gay people take relationships more seriously.

    And we all know someone who has the love of his life this week, but next week he has a new one.

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    Nov 14, 2009 9:09 PM GMT
    KissingPro said
    dustin_K_tx saidWow…
    The simple answer: The same as everyone else in your state…The same.


    Another question is would you work harder at your LTR or even start one if you had all of these questions to answer?


    That's the point of my post. Perhaps institutionalizing gay marriage will help gay people accept in their own hearts and minds the sanctity of their marriage and try harder to stay together when bumps in the relatinship happen. People say its just a piece of paper..a formality.........but it isn't.

    I think it will help gay people take relationships more seriously.

    And we all know someone who has the love of his life this week, but next week he has a new one.



    Will not happen- Men are sluts. You better protect what you've got.

    It will not help gay people take relationships more serioously. They can do this now if they so choose, without a piece of paper - and they don't. I don't see a piece of paper making such a change
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    Nov 14, 2009 9:33 PM GMT
    My partner and I have been together for 11 yrs now. Being that we both come from families of means, we had documents drawn up three years into our relationship by our barrister. They get amended whenever there is a large purchase or investment. This way if things ever do go badly and we part, there will be no question as to who gets what, or how it is to be divided.

    I have a friend in NYC whom partnered beneath himself socially/financially. (Which I told him was a mistake.) But they had documents drawn up that if they break it off for any reason other than the "social climber" cheating, that my friend will take care of him monthly and give him a place of his own! I think he is bloody stupid, but hey.....the things we do for love.

    Cheers,
    Keith
    icon_twisted.gif
  • drypin

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    Nov 14, 2009 9:41 PM GMT
    I suppose the truth is that we would just be like everybody else: some good interdependent marriages, some crappy codependent ones, some people staying together "just for the kids", some getting divorced after 6 months.
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    Nov 14, 2009 9:50 PM GMT
    drypin saidI suppose the truth is that we would just be like everybody else: some good interdependent marriages, some crappy codependent ones, some people staying together "just for the kids", some getting divorced after 6 months.


    6 months? That's an eternity! Make that 1 month
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    Nov 14, 2009 10:54 PM GMT
    It is not hypothetical anymore. Last month Texas Judge Tina Callahan ruled in favor of two Dallas men to get a divorce, ruling that Texas' ban on same-sex marriage violates the constitutional guarantee to equal protection under the law.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMNw_-yUm_0 icon_wink.gif

    http://www.reuters.com/article/domesticNews/idUSTRE5910CG20091002
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    Nov 14, 2009 11:25 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx said The simple answer: The same as everyone else in your state…The same.
    Another question is would you work harder at your LTR or even start one if you had all of these questions to answer?


    Gay marriage means there will be gay divorce. Gay divorce will be just as nightmarish and costly as straight divorce. Couples will fight over the house, the 401Ks, all the other assets, and if there are kids, child support and visitation.

    You'd think the expense and psychological toll would encourage straight couples to work harder on fixing their relationships. They don't. Since gay couples are less likely to have kids they'll probably be even more prone to divorce than straights.
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    Nov 14, 2009 11:30 PM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    dustin_K_tx said The simple answer: The same as everyone else in your state…The same.
    Another question is would you work harder at your LTR or even start one if you had all of these questions to answer?


    Gay marriage means there will be gay divorce. Gay divorce will be just as nightmarish and costly as straight divorce. Couples will fight over the house, the 401Ks, all the other assets, and if there are kids, child support and visitation.

    You'd think the expense and psychological toll would encourage straight couples to work harder on fixing their relationships. They don't. Since gay couples are less likely to have kids they'll probably be even more prone to divorce than straights.


    Perhaps......and you make a very good point. But you can look at the other side of the coin, and argue that there are many successful straight mariages. The advantage for them is that they have legal and social structures in place to help and support the marriage. I hope the same things are available to gay couples, someday, to help too.
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    Nov 15, 2009 12:27 AM GMT
    As someone who is divorced, it's not much different than hetero divorce, and like the fact that it's not federally recognized, there certain differences that affect you adversely, but those issues (like many in a divorce) are dependent on the agreements (and vindictiveness of the parties.

    I (we) at least set a precedent of being the first couple to get a divorce of both a marriage and a civil union (different states) at the same time.

    In spite of what happened to me, I still am a proponent of marriage rights.
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    Nov 15, 2009 12:35 AM GMT
    Ok so I was only going to take the bait KissingPro threw out but didn’t expect so much of a jaded response.

    Staying in any long term relationship takes work—hard work. It might be a little—just a little easier if you didn’t feel the world was against you.

    Could it be possible, that I am able to cover my partner under my insurance and the fact our cars are in both of our names as well as our property together; all this, may make me think twice before going for coffee with the hottie from the gym?... maybe that is just me.

    I may be naive to think that having even more benefits may make want to work even harder.
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    Nov 15, 2009 12:54 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx said
    I may be naive to think that having even more benefits may make want to work even harder.

    No. You should get married with the idea that it is an expression of love and unity. It is a business contract of sorts. You get some rights at the state level that are beneficial. But my personal recommendation is to never get married to improve your relationship (which I'm inferring from your last line), you should get married to improve the 'business partnership' of the two of you. Getting married will never make something that's not great, great. If you love him, and your like minded and both clearly aware of what getting married means, then by all means, do it if you want that contract.

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    Nov 15, 2009 2:11 AM GMT

    Canada's stats so far. Over 12,000 gay marriages since 2003.

    Two divorces. A lesbian couple in '04 and and another in '05.

    Nice post bgcat57!!! True.

    Believe it not a group claimed that gay divorce was damaging the sacredness of straight divorce. icon_rolleyes.gif
    This man made a great hilarious point about it.
    http://www.spicejar.org/asiplease/archives/000226.html
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    Nov 15, 2009 4:27 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]Musclequest said

    I have a friend in NYC whom partnered beneath himself socially/financially. (Which I told him was a mistake.) But they had documents drawn up that if they break it off for any reason other than the "social climber" cheating, that my friend will take care of him monthly and give him a place of his own! I think he is bloody stupid, but hey.....the things we do for love.[/quote]

    I never thought of a solid stable loving relationship between two guys of different economic backgrounds as being a partnered "beneath" type of thing nor "social climbing".