Me? The outcast?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2009 1:02 PM GMT
    I know that at one point or another we all have been an outcast in some type of an arena. As I am getting older I find myself being in outcast in a very surprising way.

    It's so hard for me to believe the amount of people who have zero confidence in any gay relationship being successful. People look at me like I am crazy because I actually think that one day soon I will be able to get married, have kids, and have that amazing home that we all dream of. Maybe it's because I come from a good home? My parents are still married, almost 30 years now! My sisters are in healthy committed relatioships! There has not been a single divorce on either side of my family, EVER!

    Sure I have done my fair share dating. I have had my ups and downs just like everyone. Now, don't get me wrong. I don't think that we are all in a fairytale and the first guy you ever meet will sweep you off your feet and make you his husband! I have realistic expectations of life, but I have confidence I will get to that part of my life.

    Do you guys think I am naive in the way I think? I want to hear from the guys in serious long term relationships. What do you think makes it work for you?
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    Nov 17, 2009 2:35 PM GMT
    You are not naive. After 22 years in a good, but far from perfect, relationship with the same guy, I think the key to a long relationship is the ability to forgive the other guy for whatever you see as a transgression. Sometimes you have to ask yourself if it's a relationship you want or do you want someone who'll never piss you off or embarrass you or not look perfect. Summarily, you gotta learn to forgive, if not enjoy, the messy toothpaste tube, even if it's really really messy.

    If your expectations in life truly are realistic (and I think you might mean "reasonable" instead), getting the best out of life will be a breeze.
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    Nov 17, 2009 3:24 PM GMT
    "Do you guys think I am naive in the way I think?"

    NO.

    Like attracts like (beware though, because opposites also attract).
    Birds of a feather flock together.

    icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2009 3:35 PM GMT
    meninlove said "Do you guys think I am naive in the way I think?"

    NO.

    Like attracts like (beware though, because opposites also attract).
    Birds of a feather flock together.

    icon_wink.gif


    As long as in my case "opposite" means "muscular, hot vers/bottom stud" that´s fine.. Just sayin. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Nov 17, 2009 3:37 PM GMT
    meninlove said "Do you guys think I am naive in the way I think?"

    NO.

    Like attracts like (beware though, because opposites also attract).
    Birds of a feather flock together.

    icon_wink.gif


    Yep, and if you run with dogs you're bound to catch flees. I agree wholeheartedly with MIL.

    I was in an LTR and unfortunately my SO's friends have never been in LTRs. His best friend's longest relationship was about six months. He would have quite a few three month relationships every year. When we did start running into problems after about the sixth year he talked to these people that had such a horrible assumption of what a gay relationship is.

    I also would like to point out that most of his friends during these six years would hit on me. I would tell my SO that his best friend just offered me a bj and my SO seemed like he didn't care. Maybe he knew he could trust me, but it is very slimy to be a friend like that.

    After we broke up I saw his best friend a year later and his attitude was literally "well it was bound break up at some point" and he said it in a mocking way like he was talking to someone that didn't know any better. I find this attitude insulting and ignorant.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Nov 17, 2009 3:52 PM GMT
    I think it's great you have that mindset, and there's no reason you can't have it for being gay. I think it might also have to do with the ages of your friends; are they your age too? The monogamy bug doesn't always bite guys as young as it has you. It's possible they might change their view over time (and it's also possible that they won't)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2009 3:59 PM GMT
    lol lostboy, you need a a good spankin'.

    "As long as in my case "opposite" means "muscular, hot vers/bottom stud" that´s fine.. Just sayin"

    ...we're talking emotional and relationship oriented opposites. icon_rolleyes.gif
    (lostboy patented eye roll on loan)