Embarrasing masturbation stories...

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    Dec 22, 2007 5:16 AM GMT
    Was wondering what some of your most embarrassing masturbation stories are. I have heard alot from friends and pretty funny ones.

  • canuckdave

    Posts: 85

    Dec 24, 2007 4:54 AM GMT
    as a horny 14yr old I went camping with my family. At one point in the night my dad angrily asked who was rocking the tent trailer..Guess who??
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    Dec 26, 2007 8:37 PM GMT
    a friend of mine once said while he was living at home he was in his bedroom masturbating while watching a gay porn. (he was not out to his parents yet) He was using lotion and his dad walked into the bedroom...He kept trying to turn the video off but his hands were so full of lotion he couldn't grab hold of the remote and keep it in his hands.
  • fryblock

    Posts: 387

    Dec 28, 2007 12:54 AM GMT
    I was almost caught red handed many times when I was younger. I would always shut down the computer and pull up my shorts before my dad saw anything. Little did I know that the history was not deleted by turning off the computer.
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    Dec 28, 2007 3:40 AM GMT
    In highschool I used to fire up the family computer after everybody'd gone to bed and I'd stay up looking at dirty stuff, and after long enough the time i should have been sleeping started to add up. So one night, I was on the computer and heard my mom get up, so I slammed the power button on the monitor and sprinted back to bed... only to fall dead asleep within about a half second, leaving gay porn readily displayed for whoever happened to turn on the monitor next. When I woke up, and realized what had happened, my dad was already on the computer. He's never said anything and seven years later my parents still don't know (far as I know). Not sure what happened while I was asleep, but it's never come up!
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jan 01, 2008 7:00 PM GMT
    I'm currently in Afghanistan and just yesterday, I went into a port-a-john toilet. It was next to another one and they both were set on a wooden platform. The platform was recently moved to adjust some nearby containers and the new position of the platform was uneven due to the rocks. Well, I'm pissing in my john and I notice that it's shaking in cycles. It was weird for a second, and then I realized that someone was jerking off in the port-a-john next to mine. HAHA! I didn't give notice or say anything. I mean, come on, being deployed for a year, straight or gay, you have to get your rocks off first chance you get! Support your fellow man...

    And for the women, I love how they seem to have no shame in admitting they have dildos and vibrators here!! It's actually against policy for non-married personnel to have sex in Iraq and Afghanistan.

    (guilty)
  • BlackJock79

    Posts: 437

    Jan 02, 2008 7:45 PM GMT
    I got caught by my older brother jacking off. We were alone at my Grandparents house and he was outside playing basketball so I figured it was ok to pull out my cousins PlayGirl magazine and the Hustler mag she had. I can still remember in PlayGirl there was this one smokin hot white guy with the nicest body and balls I have ever seen. I'm beatin off to his picture and one of the hot guys in Hustler fuckin some lucky chick but the whole time I was listening to the ball on the court as my brother was playing to make sure I didn't get caught. Well, I got so caught up in the hot guys in the magazines until I didn't hear the ball stop bouncing and my brother walks in on me. LOL, he knew what I was doing and that I was looking at one of our cousins dirty magazines but he didn't know which one... I was so embarrassed, I lost my erection immediately and before I came. I was pissed! Mainly at myself for being so foolish and jerking off in the fucking living room. LOL, my brother cracked jokes for WEEKS! I would kill for that magazine now. LOL
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    Jan 07, 2008 12:55 AM GMT
    I was a freshman at Penn State and had recently bought my first gay porn (Torso). In it I read about vacum pumping and saw the ads for the pumps. Being a typical guy who wanted a bigger one, but didn't want to buy a pump, I decided that since my penis fit rather snuggly in the opening of a recently finished plastic juice bottle... I'd give that a try as a make-shift "pump." All was going "fine" until I felt something strange, like a "pop," in my penis. Scared to death, my rock-hard erection dropped to super-flacid, super quick.

    Thinking I had broken my penis, I did what any frantically scared, very naive, country boy away at a big school for the first time would do... I called 911.

    The ambulance arrived and I met them outside of my dorm, still scared that I had ruined my chances for every having sex (yup, I was a virgin). I'm sure that the very HOT EMT guy got a good laugh out of it, but they took me to the ER anyway where I had to tell a nurse, a doctor, another doctor, and finally a third doctor who examined my very limp dick, asked if I had ejaculated recently (which was no) and then told me to go home and "finish the job" which should alleviate my fears as he could not find anything wrong with my penis.

    Being a freshman at Penn State, I didn't have a car, and I had never been in a taxi, so I had to call someone to get me from the hospital... And the only person who was available was my pastor. Who I told what had happened.

    The kicker came when I realized that I had used my parent's insurance card and had to explain to my mother why I took an Ambulance to the ER at Midnight on a Tuesday.

    Everything works fine now... I'm still leary of the pumping business... and I've come to appreciate the equipment I have. :-)
  • BlackJock79

    Posts: 437

    Jan 11, 2008 1:07 AM GMT
    LMAO! @ ^^^^^^^^^^^ Good story man!
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    Jan 15, 2008 7:27 PM GMT
    LMAO! That was one of the cutest stories I ever read! Congratulations Skotjockmi! You win!icon_lol.gif

    As for me, I never really had much of a "most embarassing" moment. I almost got caught by a co-worker while jacking off in a spare hockey locker room once. Close call, but no surprises.
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    Jan 16, 2008 3:44 PM GMT
    Funny story Skotjockmi...

    Way back in the day when people had the g-boots to hang upside-down, well guess who thought it might be cool to masturbate while hanging upside-down!! Once I finished I was so weak from the experience I had difficulty getting my boots off the bar in the bathroom. It took several attempts and almost 30 minutes. I was afraid I was going to have to call someone to help me get down. Thank God I finally got down, cleaned up the floor and walls and never did that again. I guess I was around 18 or 19 at the time. Yep, young, dumb and full of cum. icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 17, 2008 3:26 PM GMT
    When I was around 12 years old I J/O and the first time I ever "came" I thought I broke myself so I ran to my mom and told her that I broke my ding ding and that white stuff came out... OMG my dad could not stop laughing. Till this day 19 years later it still comes up at family gatherings... at least I can laugh at it now.
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    Jan 17, 2008 6:14 PM GMT
    One time when I was 14 I was Jacking off in my room and had forgot to lock my door. Well I stopped the dvd player on this picture of a really hot guy from the movie I was watching. He was shirtless, and getting out of a pool. Really hot. So I whipped out my dick and started going to town. Well about 2 minutes later, my little sister who was 12 walked in without knocking! I jumped to pull up my pants and hide my enlarged "manhood" but I dont think I was fast enough. Cause she goes "oh uh sorry, you're busy", and walked out quickly. What's worse was that she was looking at the t.v. screen when she left. haha, she must have been wondering about me. Although she thinks I'm straight, so she must have just thought it was experimenting. lol. What a nightmare that was. icon_eek.gif
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    Feb 02, 2008 1:47 PM GMT
    In basic training in the Army I was sent to guard an obstacle course out in the middle of nowhere by myself. It isn't like anyone would steal it. I didn't have a problem with it and since I was (what I thought) completely alone, I slung my rifle and started polishing my bayonet. My drill sergeant snuck up on me and I caught absolute hell, literally. I didn't get written up but I was punished by being "Sent to Hell".
    The drill sergeant would decorate an area of the barracks with supply cages with red filterd flashlights, then in the middle of the night he dragged me out of my bunk by my T-shirt to the supply cage area then slammed me to the floor. In front of me was a pugil stick and protective gear. He gave me ten seconds to get the protective gear on, pick up the pugil stick and defend myself. I got the helmet on and before I could get the pugil stick he began pummeling me with another pugil stick.
    It made me a much more vigilant guard.
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    Feb 12, 2008 3:33 AM GMT
    I guess I could tell the one about my dad walking by my room when I was 16. I was jacking off and left the door open. Never pulled my sheets up so fast and he was kind enough to shut the door for me.

    Of course, the yucky one I remember is when I was a sophomore in college. Every morning we had the pledges in the fraternity wake us up. Back then, I had a habit of jacking off every morning...and lots of other times too, but I digress. Since I was the only one who slept in my bed, it didn't bug me to shoot my load on the sheets. Well, one morning this guy comes in to wake me up and puts his hands right in the middle of my cum...the look was priceless!
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    Jul 13, 2008 11:43 PM GMT
    When I was about 9 years old, just me and Mom living together. We had a Broxident electric toothbrush (1967 or so) and I quickly discovered how good the vibrations from THAT felt when applied down there. I would also shove it up my ass and use it as an electric dildo. I had been masturbating since the age of 7, so this was nothing unusual. But, one day, my mom walked into the bathroom when I was vibrating along with the Broxident on my cock. Well, she quickly excused herself and left the room. But, when I came out of the room, VERY embarrassed, she couldn't stop snickering and chuckling. For YEARS after that, whenever she wanted to get me (especially in front of one of my many boyfriends - I was out to Mom at 16) she would just bring up my love affair with that damn toothbrush, and laugh uproariously!

    I miss my mom.
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    Jul 14, 2008 11:59 PM GMT
    Great stories. Mine happened my jr year in college. Went with my then roommate to visit his family. I was actually excited to be staying in the guest room alone for the weekend. Had access to a full bath. Just time to myself. So it's about midnight and after flipping the channels on the TV I thought I'd take a long shower. Get in there and quickly realize I can take the time to kick back and just enjoy some self lovin. The shower door was one of those half glazed doors where the bottom half you can't really see through just shaddows but about half way up it's clear. So I'm really getting into it nice and slow. Soaping up just enjoying my own touch. eyes closed, sorta leaning against the wall obviously fucking my own hands to make sure the best spots on jr were being pleased. I would have made a great soft core porn image at that point.

    All of a sudden I open my eyes right at the point of cumming and there looking through the door that goes from their laundry room to this bathroom is my roommates father. UGH!! It was pretty obvious what I was up to. He was an incredibly good looking man and all he did was just stand there for a second then smiled and closed the door. I felt like a fool.

    The next day at breakfast I didn't even want to look at the guy. What does he do? He says, so Mark I take it you are enjoying your stay here and then grins. My face turned completely red. He's wife didn't respond so my thought was that he didn't say anything to her thank God.

    Ask me what I would have done about that situation now and I can give you all kinds of fanstasies played out like not stopping and seeing how long he would stick around for the show icon_twisted.gif but back then I swear I wanted to die.
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    Jul 16, 2008 10:31 PM GMT
    teacher caught me jerking off in my school's bathroom...
    he always had a grin every time he saw me from then on
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    Jul 30, 2008 4:11 PM GMT
    i got caught round my mates house wen i was staying the night it was the middle of the night an we were sleeping in a tent outside an i was desprate for a wank and my mate was rely fit any way i thourght he was asleep so i had a wank right next to him anyway i finished and he then just turned over and handed me a tissue it was so funny i just laughed so did he

    (of corse wot i dident relise that in less than 2weeks latter he would be doing it for me in the same tent)
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    Feb 04, 2009 2:52 AM GMT
    When I was 14 I was humping laying face down on the new linoleum floor looking at myself in the long wall mirror of me in my underwear humping the floor I did not know my mother saw me humping floor cause she heard thumping on the floor from me humping I just kept on until I came and it felt good too. I still love to masturbate by laying face down on the floor humping wood floor or tile floor or other smooth surfaces like any kind of floors also like if anyone else does like to hump in speedo or underwear looking for a person who does it too the same way I do it would be awesome. Let me know Massage me and we will talk more about it.
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    Feb 07, 2009 11:20 AM GMT
    not my own but hilarious

  • Frankco5

    Posts: 6

    Mar 19, 2009 8:14 PM GMT
    When I was 15 I was humping laying face down on the new linoleum floor looking at myself in the long wall mirror of me in my underwear humping the floor I did not know my mother saw me humping floor cause she heard thumping on the floor from me humping I just kept on until I came and it felt good too. I still love to masturbate by laying face down on the floor humping wood floor or tile floor or other smooth surfaces like any kind of floors also like if anyone else does like to hump in speedo or underwear looking for a person who does it too the same way I do it would be awesome looking for some in mid & late 20s who does this also. I used to hump the living room floor wich is green my favorite color of the tile floor that I humped alots everyday I still hump the wooden floor laying face down everyday the on floor masturbating like this Let me know if you do this too Massage me and we will talk more about it.
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    Mar 20, 2009 5:38 PM GMT
    I was 16 and I was spending the night on my mothers couch. It was dark, my mother was up stairs and my little brother was in his room as far as I knew they were both asleep. I couldn’t get to sleep so I decided to “release a few endorphins” to help me sleep. So I pull the covers up to my neck, close my eyes thinking up all kinds of kinky thoughts to get myself primed. Right before I start pumping I look around and listen really hard to make sure no one in the house is up. When I don’t see or hear anything I lay back continue my dirty thoughts and go to town. Everything was going really well until the cat in all its fanged and clawed glory attacks my crotch.
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    Oct 19, 2009 3:31 PM GMT
    LMAO! This thread is funny as hell! (don't ask what I "searched" to fing it lol) I work for Fleshjack (Fleshlight) here in Austin... we're gonna have a similar forum on our blog soon... cant wait to hear THOSE stories lol
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    Sep 01, 2010 4:58 AM GMT
    Thread revival! Had a ridiculous story today:

    I was in my room this evening and decided to look at some porn. I have a whole upstairs to myself so I'm usually not disturbed by my roommates when I'm up there. I wasn't looking at anything hardcore, but it was still some really hot guys. Anyway, all of the sudden my door opens up! I'm shock and embarrassed because I thought it was my roommate Chad and that would be awkward. However, I soon realized that it wasn't one of my roommates... it was someone I didn't know at all! (Actually there was like 3 people but only one guy that had poked his head in.

    After his initial "Whoa" he asks me where Katie is. I remark that he's got the wrong place (Katie lives next door). He asks me one or two more questions but I honestly don't remember because I'm busy thinking about how there's strangers in my apartment and that my dick is still out yet he's talking to me.

    Apparently one of my roomies who lives in the basement had left for a run and not locked the door, and that's how they got in. (Side note: why the guy didn't knock on my door or the outside door I don't understand.... he asked for it) Anyway I view the situation as funny and not nearly as embarrassing as other things I've experienced. I'm happy the guy was a random person I'll never see again, and not a roommate, and that he was just in the wrong place and not there to steal all of my shit.