Trans?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2007 7:02 AM GMT
    Alright I'm going to be right to the point. I'm a bisexual trans guy (female to male) and have found that it is hard to meet gay guys into guys like myself. There is nothing female appearing about me, and yet a lot of guys freak when they find out my history. So I guess I'm just looking for thoughts and/or advice. Is there anyone out there for a guy like me?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2007 1:15 PM GMT
    I would say just keep being yourself. If you want talk further fell free to email me directly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2007 4:29 PM GMT
    Here in AZ it's hard to meet anyone.. I have only 2 gay friends, the rest are all straight. I would dig having a group of gay friends to hang out with. Maybe it's just the way society is now a day's ?
  • Salubrious

    Posts: 420

    Dec 22, 2007 4:32 PM GMT
    Sadly, transphobia is alive and well, even in the gay community. I honestly don't really have any help that I could give you. I know I wouldn't mind if a guy were trans or cisgendered, but I'm not everyone.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Dec 22, 2007 11:28 PM GMT
    Have you had gender-reassignment surgery?

    If so, I wouldn't disclose your former gender. You worked hard to be who you are now, and that's all that matters.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 25, 2007 6:35 PM GMT
    Timberoo- I have not has GRS as of yet, and honestly, even once I do I don't believe that non disclosure is a terribly viable option. At the end of the day there are still going to be differences between myself and a cisgendered male physically. Not bad differences, but differences all the same. I have worked hard to become the person I am, and as much as I would like to believe that is the end determining factor it is clear that it is not.

    I also wanted to say thank you to everyone else who replied... its always good to get some perspective on things.
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    Dec 30, 2007 3:58 AM GMT
    I worked with a guy who was going the other direction, male to female and he was having a rough, and I mean rough time with it. I think I was the only one where we worked that didn't treat him like a freak.

    (Fortunately, I no longer work there anymore)

    Joani (formally Jon) was having a problem meeting men and insisted that he wasn't gay. At the time he had not had the surgery. My suggestion to him at that time was to concentrate on trying to live as a woman and not worry about the relationship thing until he was better prepared.

    She moved away a short time later so I don't know the final outcome other than the surgery was done.

    -Chuck

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2007 4:58 PM GMT
    I think I'll never understand transes. It's unnatural. It contradicts Mother Nature's laws and looks unpleasant.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2007 5:03 PM GMT
    honestly being ftm is a lot harder then mtf. The mtf surgery works just about perfectly forming vagina that is supposedly indistinguishable from the female at least in form, and some function. It is impossible for and ftm to have a full functioning penis. there are ways to make them look hard etc, but they will never be truly fully functioning. as a gay man I would not date and ftm simply because one of my favorite parts of a man is his penis. I dont date women because I dont like vagina, why would I date a man with a vagina, to me that is not a man
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Dec 31, 2007 5:13 PM GMT
    Alas, Hexenmeister, that's what a lot of people say about homosexual males. I may feel the same way about lesbian sex, but if it works for them, they can fall in love, and they don't treat me like a second-rate entity, so be it.

    FtM_guy, we're coming onto a new year... may you find what you're looking for.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2007 5:57 PM GMT
    Auryn, dear, homosexualism is NATURAL, because gays can be not only among human. But, have you ever see a FtM dog, for example?icon_razz.gif
  • metta

    Posts: 39144

    Dec 31, 2007 6:32 PM GMT
    Have you considered joining a local gay group? I live in Los Angeles County where we have hundreds of different gay groups, everything from bowling, hiking, vegetarian, religious, specific ethnicities, etc. I think that this can makes it easier when you have additional things in common.

    Hopefully, there are similar groups in your area.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2007 6:32 PM GMT
    @Hexenmeister:

    How could you say a transgender person is unnatural. I would think you as a gay man would keep an open mind. You actually took time to type a negative response about someone who is reaching out for advice. On a gay website of all places, you're a jerk.

    As for transgender people, the human body is a beautiful thing. The world is full of diversity and someone is out there for you.
  • metta

    Posts: 39144

    Dec 31, 2007 6:34 PM GMT
    Hexenmeister saidI think I'll never understand transes. It's unnatural. It contradicts Mother Nature's laws and looks unpleasant.


    Wow, that is pretty ignorant. You really need to spend some time to understand what makes a person transexual. And I think you owe the above poster an apology. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2007 8:25 PM GMT
    Why? I didn't say smt wrong. It's just my point of view and I can prove it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2007 8:44 PM GMT
    I'm certainly no expert on the physiological issues, but I've seen some good documentaries that describe situations where a baby is born with both male & female sex organs. The doctor essentially has to pic one (you're a boy or you're a girl); odds are he's going to get it wrong half the time.

    I had a friend in college who confided that he was a woman in a man's body. We haven't kept in touch, but I often wonder of his outcome. It's a complex subject that I struggle to understand, but I'm getting there.
  • morholt

    Posts: 57

    Dec 31, 2007 8:51 PM GMT
    Hexenmeister, you can prove that what you wrote is your point of view!? How does that work exactly...? icon_smile.gifSeriously, I see from your profile that you are 18... a child, a baby an infant. Live, learn, love.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2008 4:52 PM GMT
    Hexenmeister saidI think I'll never understand transes. It's unnatural. It contradicts Mother Nature's laws and looks unpleasant.


    wow and to think I though the thread had fizzled out. As much as I think this is a bigoted statement, part of me is curious how you came to this conclusion. I personally feel that you are speaking of something that you have very little, if any understanding of. As much as I wish I could have been born in a body that fit and I was comfortable in, I was not. I have/am taking steps to fix that. Although this is something you have seemingly never experienced, you are quick to judge. My advice to you is perhaps you should walk that proverbial mile before you open your mouth the next time, or at least provide some viable backup if you believe you have grounds for your statements. As it stands you only look like a fool and a bigot.

    To everyone else who has offered constructive insight and commentary, I thank you. I hope the new year brings you all of the best.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2008 5:07 PM GMT
    Statistically speaking, given a large enough sample, there will be points where the deviation is extreme.

    TV is what it is, and I've watched some of this stuff on Discovery Health and so on. It's probably the widest deviation in the sample (I mean, we're talking cutting your pee pee off, or vice versa), but, there seems to be a basis in science for it.

    I'm not attracted to it, but, some folks are. Just like I'm not attracted to fat people, nor hairy guys, nor out of shape folks, or folks who are closeted, it's just a given that there will be folks that I'm not interested in knowing. That's part of setting standards and good judgement for one's own life. I choose not to hang out with potheads, drunks, and theives, too, and, hopefully, my judgement will continue to guide me in a positive direction.

    My advice is that if you want people who like what you are (and there are), then, you need to go to those places. I'm not sure that "Real Jock" is the best choice, although it's descended into a LCD thing, like bigmuscle.com, etc. I imagine there's likely sites, and organizations, for folks like yourself.

    It's interesting, as I often note, how your modification is acceptable, and would even be defended here, but others aren't, and are even illegal. More specifically, the same ones would that would attack me for being a national-level competitive bodybuilder would completey sign off on your right to take an estrogen blocker and a butt load of testosterone. That's hyprocrisy to the n'th degree. Society is, indeed, a fucked up place.

    I may chose not to associate with you for any of a numbers of reasons (which of course you should accept), but, if you want to get a pee pee, or cut it off, take testosterone, and block your estrogen, I see no problem with it as long as you don't jeopardize the public safety and well being of society. We all know that being fat is way more dangerous than taking some hormone, or even cutting your pee pee off, and having one constructed. Society is an alarming array of double standards and hyprocrisy.

    Here's something you should know, or at least act upon, especially coming from where you are: men are visual, and become more so as they grow older. Nothing is a bigger turn off than a closeted pictureless. You're whining, but, your marketing is awful. THINK. Attraction is what it is, and starts from the visual perspective in most cases. Common Sense 101 dictates that your first course of action is to provide visual appeal to others, if you're seriously interested in marketing for success. You can sift through any applicants as they come in.
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    Jan 01, 2008 6:42 PM GMT
    I think what metta8 said makes sense: look for some LGBT groups and try to get involved. It will be difficult, but don't give up trying.

    Some of the other posts in this thread remind all of us that transgendered people are, by far, the bravest members of our community. We can all learn something about being true to our innermost selves from them. They deserve our support, not scorn.

    Using animal behavior to authenticate the sexual or gender identity of a whole group of human beings is obnoxious. And that's true for gay people as well as for transgendered.

    We may take comfort in the existence of gay penguins, flamingos, fruit flies, antelope, walruses, whatever; but we should also wonder why the queer zoo makes it more acceptable for us to be gay. What does that say about the value society puts on our voices and our subjective experience?

    I'd also recommend reconsidering what it means to say something is "natural." Such claims are rarely more than smokescreens for bigotry. Arsenic, after all, is perfectly "natural" too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2008 6:53 PM GMT
    "We may take comfort in the existence of gay penguins, flamingos, fruit flies, antelope, walruses, whatever..."

    I knew it. I just knew Dr. Doolittle was gay and into bestiality.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2008 7:02 PM GMT
    OW wrote I knew it. I just knew Dr. Doolittle was gay and into bestiality.


    The Dr sure was enthusiastic about the pushmepullyou. Something about it just wasn't natural.
  • NickoftheNort...

    Posts: 1416

    Jan 01, 2008 7:05 PM GMT
    In terms of the "naturality" of changing one's sex, there are a couple of points to consider if "naturality" is significant to you:

    • all humans start off female as default during their early fetal stages, and some develop into males
    • some creatures, oysters for example, change sex "naturally"
  • SpartanJock

    Posts: 199

    Jan 02, 2008 10:03 PM GMT
    FtM...I'm not sure if there is a group in your area, but there generally are Trans support groups in the larger metro areas. They can be great sources of information, even if you are not looking for support per se. However, I am going to assume that you have already looked down that avenue.

    To your question directly...keep your chin up! Those 'guys' have simply made your job easier by taking their narrow minds out of the race (so to speak). They are not willing to step outside of what they are used to. All the better for you in the long run. I wish I could be of more help, but sadly I am lacking expertise in this regard.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2008 1:42 AM GMT
    I for one wouldn't be bothered by the status of the person I was with as long as there was something there. I hope you find what you want in life though. Trans groups are everywhere try looking for one in your area.