No one ever suspected.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 18, 2009 3:45 PM GMT
    There is probably enough coming out stories on this message board that you dont need another one. My mom just confronted me on the phone and is like are you sure you still like boys?

    So I leave a website open a few months ago and my mom saw it and confronted me in a way. So i told her I was gay and she is like no you are not. You don't act gay. So pretty much she had no idea because I never played with barbie dolls, or liked Britney spears or fit any other stereotype. Actually I don't think I fit one stereotype of a gay person. So we go on and on and finally she gives me the you don't know cause you have never had sex.
    She actually wanted me to go find a girl at a bar and have sex so I would know that I am truly straight. What kind of mother does that?

    Anyways after that she is fine with it even though it is never discussed. She told my dad and he has never mentioned anything about it to me. So that is what happened with me. My sister doesn't know because i was going to tell her but, it was to hard to tell anyone after my mother reacted so badly. Obviously my mom or dad has not said anything to her about it because she has not mentioned anything to me. My mother honestly had no idea or any clue that I was gay. She never picked up on anything so it was a complete shock to her. I guess if it was that big of a shock to my mother there is no way I can tell anyone else. Well I probably could and will. It is just hard knowing that everyone that I tell is just going to drop their mouth open and be completely shocked.

    Anyone else have this problem?

    Sorry for the post, I Just typed it up in 1 minute.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Nov 18, 2009 4:47 PM GMT
    Chris,

    You're young and you will make the decision hundreds of thousands of times in your life whether to let the people you interact with know you are gay. Most of the times you'll decide it's irrelevant and they don't need to know. Sometimes you'll decide it's part of sharing and opening up and being authentic with people and you'll want to tell them. Sometimes you might even "shout it from the highest rooftops" by acting very flamboyantly in public.

    In most cases, it's respectful to the people you are closest to to share this integral part of who you are. Especially, if they are likely to hear it from "outsiders" if you don't tell them yourself. This way, you control "how" they hear it and you can respond and show them how it hasn't changed who you are, just what they know about you.

    And many, many times, we get a wonderful gift... the gift of support, understanding and unconditional love from our families and friends. Not because they don't care whether you're gay but because they're happy that you know yourself and that you're happy with yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 18, 2009 5:00 PM GMT
    chris8787 said My mother honestly had no idea or any clue that I was gay. She never picked up on anything so it was a complete shock to her. I guess if it was that big of a shock to my mother there is no way I can tell anyone else. Well I probably could and will. It is just hard knowing that everyone that I tell is just going to drop their mouth open and be completely shocked.


    I guarantee that you're friends won't react the same way your mom did...
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    Nov 19, 2009 1:51 AM GMT
    I think they will act the same way.

    When people come out alot of people are like we always knew not a big deal.

    NOt with me. Mine is more wtf?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2009 3:52 AM GMT
    While some/most of the people in your life wont be expecting it, Bronze is right, (drypin too).

    Your TRUE friends wont react as badly. You dont have tell everyone at once, but honesty is the better policy. That way, if it is an issue, you know upfront.

    Its not fun being friends with someone who, if they knew you were gay, would treat you less than human. Or think of you that way.

    Best of luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2009 4:53 AM GMT
    Have you ever had a girlfriend? If not that´s a big clue..."you know I´ve never had a girlfriend? There´s a reason for that.... "

    My mum knew with me on the girlfriend thing (oh and finding Bruce Weber´s Bear Pond in my closet haha) icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2009 6:00 AM GMT
    I'd say it really served to seperate my friends and family into people I need and want to have in my life and those that I didn't.
    I can't walk away from my family members who have problems with it, but my parents, most importantly, do understand and accept me. It's been a huge shift in perspective for them, but they are sincerely interested in my happiness.
    The friends who don't understand or are offended have gone and I don't miss them. I'd rather have a few people in my life who honestly care for me than a lot of "friends" with whom I cannot be honest.
    Take your time. Whatever you decide to do, do it in manageable doses & remember - just because other people freak doesn't mean you have to & you can always come to this site & talk about it.
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    Nov 19, 2009 4:24 PM GMT
    That is true about the girlfriend thing. I always pretended to be interested in girls though. :S Honestly though I dont know if there is a need to tell my friends. I want to tell my sister but I dont think she will react well. I read that surprisingly in many cases it is usually a sibling that will reject someone and not the parents.