Asking for versitility now and again

  • LIM54

    Posts: 18

    Nov 21, 2009 3:47 PM GMT
    Two people meet as a Bottom and Top/Vers online. They begin a monogomous relationship. It is wrong to request infrequent versitility from the bottom?
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    Nov 21, 2009 3:49 PM GMT
    lol, not at all, but it all hinges on how you go about it.
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    Nov 21, 2009 3:56 PM GMT
    there's a lot to be said for 'flip f___ing" in a relationship like this, I'd say they'ed both enjoy it better. Variety is the spice of life
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    Nov 21, 2009 4:02 PM GMT
    meninlove said lol, not at all, but it all hinges on how you go about it.


    Exactly. You gotta work with your man.....be patient......make it exciting.....teach him...have fun....accept that it may not happen with the first few attempts....talk to him.

    Don't just show up in bed and announce that you want it and want it now.....lol.
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    Nov 21, 2009 4:06 PM GMT
    We all have to do things we don't necessarily like to keep our partners happy. If we want to have a happy and healthy sexual relationship, it is vital to both make sexual demands and accommodate sexual demands. There will be compromise in many situations, of course. But your sexual happiness is just as important as his and an unwillingness to compromise is a relationship-killer.

    So, have a conversation with him. Tell him this is something you need. If he is unable to do it himself, then invest in a strap on. But, if he is completely uninterested in your sexual well being, then there are a lot of other vital things about you he is not interested in.
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    Nov 21, 2009 4:11 PM GMT
    KissingPro said...Don't just show up in bed and announce that you want it and want it now.....lol.

    Oh, yeah! I had one of those, was a factor in our breaking up. And he wouldn't even wait until bed, maybe announce in the kitchen he wanted it now, and I was required to attend him in the bedroom immediately. My not being in the mood was no excuse. Plus, as in the comment here, he'd also tell me what role I was to perform, of his choosing.

    Well, some guys like that kind of domination. I do not. In fact, it's less domination as a part of sex play, than merely the actions of a self-centered, self-indulgent egotist. And I'm sure the OP doesn't want to be one of those, or he wouldn't have started this thread.
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    Nov 21, 2009 5:57 PM GMT
    I don't think it's too much to ask.
    I've learned the hard way that these things should be negotiated and talked about in the early stages of a relationship.
    Once you've "bought in" it's hard to negotiate new terms to an old contract unless it's mutually beneficial to both parties.
    I say find a motivating factor that speaks to your bottom (the threat of cheating probably isn't the motivation you want to employ) I think this would be easier to negotiate in your situation.
    I was a bottom in an LTR (very long term) and he didn't like to bottom... he hated it. For some reason the physical pain was a very viable reason for me to acquiesce, but if you employ a little patience I think flipping your guy could be a fun challenge. Good luck!
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    Nov 21, 2009 6:12 PM GMT
    Hey neighbor: Not at all, unless for some reason he can't physically perform that function. If u both hv an emotional connection, flip flopping can really be satifying for both. Speaking as primarily a pitcher here. But catching does hv it's satisfying moments when really turned on!!!
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    Nov 21, 2009 6:36 PM GMT
    LIM54 saidTwo people meet as a Bottom and Top/Vers online. They begin a monogomous relationship. It is wrong to request infrequent versitility from the bottom?


    I don't think that there's anything wrong with requesting a little versatility. Different relationships work differently though too. It's a matter of trust and communication.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Nov 21, 2009 6:54 PM GMT
    I've had two LTR's where the guy was a strict bottom. The last one would appear completely offended when I would only suggest that i could be bottom if he wanted to top. This is really stupid, but maybe my suggestion was one of the reasons why we broke up. It's not that I wanted to bottom, I just wanted him to know if he ever wanted to, he could top....since we were together for so many years.

    To me, strict bottoms are kinda weird.
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    Nov 21, 2009 8:17 PM GMT
    Celticmusl saidI've had two LTR's where the guy was a strict bottom. The last one would appear completely offended when I would only suggest that i could be bottom if he wanted to top. This is really stupid, but maybe my suggestion was one of the reasons why we broke up. It's not that I wanted to bottom, I just wanted him to know if he ever wanted to, he could top....since we were together for so many years.

    To me, strict bottoms are kinda weird.


    ditto... I understand certain sorts of total tops (for some, medical reasons make it hard), but total bottoms... unless there is an inability to get an erection... DonĀ“t get.... (all hot men should be vers bottoms hehe)
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    Nov 21, 2009 9:29 PM GMT
    Just ask nicely.

    I don't see the problem with asking someone to top from time to time. He might prefer to bottom, but he could think of you can top (even if it is for a couple of minutes).

    I'll say ditto for the 100% bottoms, so odd. Most men still have that evolutionary "thrusting the hips" reflex, even pure bottoms, so why not put it to use from time to time?
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    Nov 21, 2009 10:07 PM GMT
    My bf is a vers bottom, he likes topping sometimes. I'm a top, but for the same reasons others have stated here I've let him try twice. He was great about it, did his best to take it easy on my poor lil bottom. The second time he was able to get off. But honestly, I hated every second of it. I didn't like the feeling, it didn't turn me on, I hurt for a couple days after (he's got a small body but a big c>>k). I want him to be able to top, but it's just really unpleasant for me. I'll do anything else to make him feel good.

    All that said, I can't imagine how a bottom would find it unpleasant to flip and use his c>>k the way it was designed to be used! Total bottoms seem more unusual to me than total tops.

    Maybe this is in the TMI category, I don't know...

  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Nov 21, 2009 10:22 PM GMT
    LIM54 saidTwo people meet as a Bottom and Top/Vers online. They begin a monogomous relationship. It is wrong to request infrequent versitility from the bottom?



    Hell no! not at all.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Nov 21, 2009 10:56 PM GMT
    Since no one seems to be representing the other side, I'll take it up (so to speak).

    I'm a bottom. Not versatile, not even a versatile bottom. Does that mean I won't even consider topping? No, it doesn't. And I wouldn't look askance at someone - especially not my partner - for asking me to. It's disrespectful and not very conducive to open communication... the very foundation I think a good relationship is built on. But I digress.

    I have issues with topping. The moment my partner tenses up in pain or discomfort, it turns me right off. I don't want it to, but it isn't a slow process that can be interrupted - just gone. That means I need either a partner who knows how to relax or one who has the patience to keep trying until it works.

    It's not impossible, of course. But my partner of 14 years gets in the bottoming mood for a short time every couple of years. When he's not in that phase, it's extremely uncomfortable for him to try it - as one of the other posters described. That means, he gets out of practice each time, as do I.

    There's nothing wrong with asking for versatility every now and then, as LIM54 wondered. Thinking that it's "no big deal", however, might be setting yourselves up for disappointment. Better to talk it out seriously - not frivolously - and make sure both sides understand each other's needs and wishes. Then see what you can do from there.

    My two cents.
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    Nov 21, 2009 11:07 PM GMT
    Two bottoms don't make a top.

    You're within your "rights" to ask but unfortunately some guys can't get an erection when it comes to topping. Don't ask me why they just go all limp.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Nov 21, 2009 11:25 PM GMT
    LIM54 saidTwo people meet as a Bottom and Top/Vers online. They begin a monogomous relationship. It is wrong to request infrequent versitility from the bottom?


    no ... but people do tend to have their preferences.
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    Nov 21, 2009 11:32 PM GMT
    redheadguy saidTwo bottoms don't make a top.

    You're within your "rights" to ask but unfortunately some guys can't get an erection when it comes to topping. Don't ask me why they just go all limp.


    strap ons are always hard. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 21, 2009 11:55 PM GMT
    Celticmusl saidI've had two LTR's where the guy was a strict bottom. The last one would appear completely offended when I would only suggest that i could be bottom if he wanted to top. This is really stupid, but maybe my suggestion was one of the reasons why we broke up. It's not that I wanted to bottom, I just wanted him to know if he ever wanted to, he could top....since we were together for so many years.

    To me, strict bottoms are kinda weird.


    It does usually feel like it stems from some emotional issue.
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    Nov 21, 2009 11:56 PM GMT
    There's no point in demanding your partner do something they don't like.

    All this mechanical talk about can he get an erection or not, ignores the emotional aspect. Some guys just prefer to assume the dominant or submissive role. That should be respected.

    If you're having trouble getting your partner to fulfill a fantasy, just opt for a threesome. It's not cheating and a perfect way to get what you want without risking your relationship.
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    Nov 21, 2009 11:58 PM GMT
    SeaSon said
    If you're having trouble getting your partner to fulfill a fantasy, just opt for a threesome every once in a while. It's not cheating and neither of you should feel frustrated.

    Now this I feel is a terrible idea. There's a high probability that someone is going to feel left out and become jealous in a threesome. I've had many friends try it and I've watched friendships and relationships torn apart because of it.
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    Nov 22, 2009 12:01 AM GMT
    Oh alright, maybe it's not for everyone icon_smile.gif

    It was just a friendly suggestion. I know quite a few couples in open relationships who are doing just fine. A threesome isn't even open, it's more along the lines of "couples that play together stay together".
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    Nov 22, 2009 12:42 AM GMT
    You met him as a bottom and if you wanted him to be more than just a bottom, you should have discussed that before getting into such a deep relationship....so I say, it is not wrong to ask but if he says no, I only bottom, how could you be mad when you knew he was a bottom in the beginning???????
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    Nov 22, 2009 1:01 AM GMT
    this sounds like yet another reason to remain single
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Nov 22, 2009 3:54 AM GMT
    Absolutely. The bottom was honest with you at the outset. You can't just snap your fingers and make a bottom all of a sudden get a hard on at the thought of fucking you.