RogerW19 saidMy ex cheated (kissed/ got head from another guy) on me over the summer... I forgave him and I stopped talking to him for a few days and now he is trying to get back with me. He has been acting differently (making me the most important part of his life)... like he is really bothered about what he did. We don't talk about the fact that it happened ever! I want to let him back in but I'm scared that it will happen again.
Do guys change? Should I give him a second chance? Do I deserve to know why he cheated?
Should I just let him back in and if nothing else chalk it up to a learning experience? Should I just ignore that it happened and not ask why he did it?
I would like to think that everyone deserves a second chance. We're all humans and make stupid mistakes from time to time. That being said, I
know that I don't tolerate cheaters, liars, sluts, or douchebags. I personally don't think that I could ever go back to being in a relationship with someone who did that to me, but then again, I'm not in your shoes, and I don't know your bf. I can't judge him, but I know that what he did was wrong. Monogamy is a deal breaker for me and if I were in that situation my instinct would be to end things, but I would also like to think that I could be willing to forgive a very special guy that failed miserably one time and repented. I don't think I am that noble, though, but it depends on the situation.
You don't deserve to know why he cheated. But you are certainly entitled to know the reason for his moronic behavior if he wants to get back with you. What surprises me is that you still don't know why. If he was truly sorry, he would have asked for forgiveness, and then explained why he felt compelled to violate your trust. I don't know why you are even considering to take him back without questioning every single fucked up thing he's ever done to you. Ignore what he did if you want to erase him from your life. Never
ignore what he did if you want to take him back.
I am not sure how much of a learning experience this can be for you. The only lesson I can think of you getting out of this whole thing is that if he was an asshole, you should now be smart enough to at least recognize certain traits that all assholes have. However, if the guy was a good guy, I am not sure you can learn about this experience. The truth is that you will never know if someone is capable of cheating until they do--unless of course, as I pointed out, he was an asshole to begin with--so I'm not sure you can say you will learn from your bf's cheating. You will be hurt of course, and if it happens again, you will know how to deal with it, but you can never learn how not to get hurt when someone breaks your heart.
Lastly, you only stopped talking to him for a few days???
I would have stopped talking to him for a lot more than that. You should not take him back for a while. He is being really nice to you because this is recent. Will he still be willing to prove he loves you 4 months from now? I think you need a break and tell him that it's going to take a lot of time to get past that. If he loves you he will stick around. If he just wants to have his way with you, he will get bored of asking for forgiveness relatively soon. In the meantime, you should have a mutual friend find out if he is having sex on the side while you are considering to take him back. Some guys might claim that they are allowed to hook up with other people because technically you are not together while you are considering to take him back. These are the worst offenders. Begging for forgiveness from one guy one minute and fucking around with others the next. See if he can keep his hormones in check during that time, that might tell you he's grown up and is committed to making things work.