No money, no Honey!?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 22, 2009 5:58 PM GMT
    How many of you have been in a relationship where one of you is unemployed?


    My boyfriend is getting increasingly anxious and depressed since this past January because he still can't find a job! Last year he graduated from college with honors and has an impressive job history with excellent recommendations from his previous employers, but even so he still have not been able to find employment!! but that is not all, there seems to be an added dilemma he seems to be dealing with more lately!!

    When we first met he was already unemployed, we felt in love, and have been together ever since!! but lately he is worry that I will eventually leave him or get tired of him because he fears I may see him as a looser or that he is a burden on me! I reassured him those thoughts had never crossed my mind, and that I love him for the person that he is and because he makes me happy, and furthermore I don't put a price tag on the people I love!

    I don't know what else to tell him to make him feel better? and I sure don't want to loose him!! any good advise or words of encouragement welcome!


    ♥ Leandro ♥
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 22, 2009 6:05 PM GMT
    OK, I don't care who was made MOTD today but I'm replacing him with YOU for the above sentiments! icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 22, 2009 6:55 PM GMT
    Good call, Studly, we just cast our vote for him!

    Great post ALEZANDER!
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Nov 22, 2009 7:45 PM GMT
    meninlove said Good call, Studly, we just cast our vote for him!

    Great post ALEZANDER!



    Hehehe.....I just voted for him too, he is a sweetheart!

    I can totally relate. I am currently looking for a job after being a registered brokerage representative with a company for over 9 years.....I can't get a job even if my life depended on it(which it does). If you don't have a job or no money you're not even a blip on the gay single scene.

    Guys have been very nice, but I doubt anyone will get serious about me since I don't have a real job(I still work part time at a gym). I'm honestly a workaholic and this is the first time in my adult life that I have been unemployed over 6 months(going on a year). Some days I wake up wondering why I should even get out of bed, you're bf might be feeling the same way.

    One good thing though, misery loves company and there are a lot of gay guys unemployed as well so maybe I have a chance with someone, lol.

    Go to therapy together, he needs to understand he is upsetting you and this is no time for a pity party.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 22, 2009 8:00 PM GMT
    ALEZANDAR saidHow many of you have been in a relationship where one of you is unemployed?


    My boyfriend is getting increasingly anxious and depressed since this past January because he still can't find a job! Last year he graduated from college with honors and has an impressive job history with excellent recommendations from his previous employers, but even so he still have not been able to find employment!! but that is not all, there seems to be an added dilemma he seems to be dealing with more lately!!

    When we first met he was already unemployed, we felt in love, and have been together ever since!! but lately he is worry that I will eventually leave him or get tired of him because he fears I may see him as a looser or that he is a burden on me! I reassured him those thoughts had never crossed my mind, and that I love him for the person that he is and because he makes me happy, and furthermore I don't put a price tag on the people I love!

    I don't know what else to tell him to make him feel better? and I sure don't want to loose him!! any good advise or words of encouragement welcome!


    ♥ Leandro ♥


    Be patient with him. You don't have to say anything. Let your action demonstrate it. Be patient.

    Just keep telling him that you are not going anywhere that he will get a job.
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    Nov 22, 2009 8:09 PM GMT
    I am like you. I look to the person and how I feel when I am with them. He could work starbucks for all I care. I am not concerned with a high ranking job for a status in my relationship!
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    Nov 22, 2009 8:10 PM GMT
    What type of job is looking to get? He just graduated with honors you said so I would imagine he has some type of job in mind and I would assume he's been building up towards it.

    It's nice to see that you aren't materialistic and are nurturing towards his dry financial spell but even so how long can you keep this up?

    Sorry if I sound rather harsh but you mean to tell me with all his recommendations from previous employers he can' get a job/ Why not go back to them as temporary solution til he can find something better.
  • Celticmusl

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    Nov 22, 2009 8:17 PM GMT
    Guy101 saidWhat type of job is looking to get? He just graduated with honors you said so I would imagine he has some type of job in mind and I would assume he's been building up towards it.

    It's nice to see that you aren't materialistic and are nurturing towards his dry financial spell but even so how long can you keep this up?

    Sorry if I sound rather harsh but you mean to tell me with all his recommendations from previous employers he can' get a job/ Why not go back to them as temporary solution til he can find something better.


    Dude, I have tons of friends without jobs. I know a lawyer that just passed the bar last year and the only job he can find is a part time assistant to another lawyer. I have another friend which is halfway through getting his masters degree in business and the only jobs he can find are minimum wage. I have no friends over the last year that are looking for a job that has actually found one. Maybe it is our location, but I doubt it. I think the job market is far worse than anyone working could ever possibly imagine. I haven't had one interview in a whole year.
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    Nov 22, 2009 8:19 PM GMT
    Celticmusl said
    Guy101 saidWhat type of job is looking to get? He just graduated with honors you said so I would imagine he has some type of job in mind and I would assume he's been building up towards it.

    It's nice to see that you aren't materialistic and are nurturing towards his dry financial spell but even so how long can you keep this up?

    Sorry if I sound rather harsh but you mean to tell me with all his recommendations from previous employers he can' get a job/ Why not go back to them as temporary solution til he can find something better.


    Dude, I have tons of friends without jobs. I know a lawyer that just passed the bar last year and the only job he can find is a part time assistant to another lawyer. I have another friend which is halfway through getting his masters degree in business and the only jobs he can find are minimum wage. I have no friends over the last year that are looking for a job that has actually found one. Maybe it is our location, but I doubt it. I think the job market is far worse than anyone working could ever possibly imagine. I haven't had one interview in a whole year.


    It is not your location. I have friends in NYC and in LA that have been without jobs for going on 2 years now. And all of them have minimum of post grad qualifications
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    Nov 22, 2009 8:34 PM GMT
    It's not that the guy can't find a job. It's that he can't find a job he wants. There is a big difference.

    Everybody thinks they can't find a job because they feel that a lot of the jobs that are out there they are too good for. Would a bunch of you clean bathrooms or do windows or landscape/mow a lawn or flip a burger as a job? Probably not because you honestly feel you are too good for that especially if you have a college degree.

    I'm saying that if he really wants a job he'll get one. No one ever said it was easy finding one and there are time when you just have to bite you tongue and deal with it.

    Gotta crawl before you walk. Gotta walk before you run. Skip a step. Just be ready to meet the ground when you do.
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    Nov 22, 2009 9:07 PM GMT

    Headed out, but had to ask. Exactly what is the bf's profession?
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    Nov 22, 2009 9:18 PM GMT
    Guy101 saidIt's not that the guy can't find a job. It's that he can't find a job he wants. There is a big difference.

    Everybody thinks they can't find a job because they feel that a lot of the jobs that are out there they are too good for. Would a bunch of you clean bathrooms or do windows or landscape/mow a lawn or flip a burger as a job? Probably not because you honestly feel you are too good for that especially if you have a college degree.


    You're oversimplifying, and being pretty damn insulting to the very qualified people who are currently out of work. I can relate, somewhat, to his boyfriend. I have kickass references, awards out my friggin' butt, a history of quick promotion and hard work....and I can't get shit for a job right now. It's been four months now, and my former employers are shocked.

    It's not that we're all too picky. Part of it is the job market -- over 500 people applied for the last job I interviewed for, and that's common in my field and geographical area. At the same time, McDonalds and the grocery store down the block are sometimes a little hesitant to hire the guy with numerous degrees, high qualifications, and whose former payscale was far beyond what they can offer -- HR departments see that resumé and say 'no way, that guy's outta here the first chance he gets.' And in this market, those employers can be just as picky about it as they want.
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    Nov 22, 2009 9:19 PM GMT

    No muscle, no truffle.

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    Nov 22, 2009 9:24 PM GMT
    Guy101 saidIt's not that the guy can't find a job. It's that he can't find a job he wants. There is a big difference.

    Everybody thinks they can't find a job because they feel that a lot of the jobs that are out there they are too good for. Would a bunch of you clean bathrooms or do windows or landscape/mow a lawn or flip a burger as a job? Probably not because you honestly feel you are too good for that especially if you have a college degree.

    I'm saying that if he really wants a job he'll get one. No one ever said it was easy finding one and there are time when you just have to bite you tongue and deal with it.

    Gotta crawl before you walk. Gotta walk before you run. Skip a step. Just be ready to meet the ground when you do.



    you know, you are way off base here
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    Nov 22, 2009 9:24 PM GMT
    Am I overly insulting or are some people here just overly sensitive? Who's to say?

    I think a few of you here have your panties in huge knot over something that can easily be solved in regards to the OP's post.

    Don't attack me just because I'm keeping things realistic. I'm not pulling any punches but I'll be damned if take some just for voicing an opinion seems to have struck a nerve. Deal wit it.
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    Nov 22, 2009 9:31 PM GMT
    Celticmusl said

    If you don't have a job or no money you're not even a blip on the gay single scene.


    I don't think this is necessarily true. I've been jobless since graduating (going on a year and a half now) and have had a good deal of success dating in the mean time.
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    Nov 22, 2009 9:34 PM GMT
    Guy101 saidI am overly insulting or are some people here just overly sensitive? Who's to say.


    I should be more clear: I think you're oversimplifying, as I probably would have six months ago when I still thought 'I've never had problems - I'll have a job in two seconds flat.'

    It's the oversimplification -- not you inherently -- that comes across as an insult. I'm just pointing out that it's not so cut-and-dry a matter as you might feel it should be -- were you not in a relatively secure gov't job (military, if I recall, right?) in a state still feeling the brunt of the recession less than other states, you might feel differently about it.

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    Nov 22, 2009 9:40 PM GMT
    Zdrew said, no he NAILED IT:
    "At the same time, McDonalds and the grocery store down the block are sometimes a little hesitant to hire the guy with numerous degrees, high qualifications, and whose former payscale was far beyond what they can offer -- HR departments see that resume and say 'no way, that guy's outta here the first chance he gets.' And in this market, those employers can be just as picky about it as they want."


    Granted, there are some out there who think they are above menial tasks. But for the most part, from what I can tell, most people in this market are honestly looking for a job and would take a minimum wage job to keep the wolves from the door, but can't get a job at MickeyD's because of what Zdrew mentioned.
    Don't be so hard on people you don't know.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Nov 22, 2009 9:44 PM GMT
    Although having your own income allows for a sense of independence ... being unemployed does not re-direct how you can feel about someone else. unemployment, given that it is temporary, may turn out to be a time where the two of you can see the true nature within each other. it may bring you closer or tear you apart. the bills must be paid, so a method of timely payment must be constructed. I could not see myself turning down a guy because he is on unemployment or is currently striving for employment. it's an economic recession, not one devoid of empathy.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Nov 22, 2009 9:44 PM GMT
    Ciarsolo7 said
    Celticmusl said

    If you don't have a job or no money you're not even a blip on the gay single scene.


    I don't think this is necessarily true. I've been jobless since graduating (going on a year and a half now) and have had a good deal of success dating in the mean time.



    I have two friends that have been unemployed for about a year. Both have recently gotten into LTR type of situations. My two friends have no problem with having their successful BFs pay for everything. I, on the other hand, get embarrassed and insulted if a guy I'm dating won't take "I can't afford to do that right now" as an answer. I can only afford one or two dates a week at most, and most guys that I have tried to date want far more time with me. They will suggest they pay for it, but then I feel obliged to.....do things.

    Obviously I have a personal issue with it, but I can also attest I would never let a guy treat me the way my two friend's successful BFs treat them.

    I am not saying I can't get a date. I am saying that I can't sustain a dating relationship that easily. Unfortunately, their are also many guys that run for the hills as soon as they find out I'm not employed.

    It might also be different if I was younger. Over 40 and unemployed is different than someone who is 25 and unemployed....in todays society.
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    Nov 22, 2009 9:44 PM GMT
    I was in military but I'm not anymore. Nice to see people read profiles.

    If you have too many accomplishments then dumb yourself down a bit on your resume' to get the job. It's no different then fluffing yourself up to get a job.

    Yeah...that simple.
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    Nov 22, 2009 9:45 PM GMT
    Thanks for the backup, Studly. Now hire me, pleasethankyou?
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    Nov 22, 2009 9:53 PM GMT
    zdrew saidThanks for the backup, Studly. Now hire me, pleasethankyou?



    Muttering to himself: Must not resort to sexual innuendo....must not resort to sexual innuendo.....icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 22, 2009 9:58 PM GMT
    Dang, this shit is scary! I'm graduating in 2011 and I'm hoping to get a job. How do you guys survive without a job? How can you live off unemployment?

    Haha, I'm probably just going to stay in school longer then.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 22, 2009 9:58 PM GMT
    Guy101 saidI was in military but I'm not anymore. Nice to see people read profiles.

    If you have too many accomplishments then dumb yourself down a bit on your resume' to get the job. It's no different then fluffing yourself up to get a job.

    Yeah...that simple.


    dumbing down doesn't work - you can only dumb down so much

    come on now...
    ..
    when you are asked for your last position and you say VP of operations.. do you really think you can dumb that down enuff to show you were the mail room clerk?