Religion and Intimacy

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 22, 2009 8:03 PM GMT
    Could you be w/ someone who had different religious beliefs than you? Please elaborate a bit.

    Whether you're a theist or an atheist, regardless of your religious beliefs, does it get in the way of your intimate relationships?

    I believe in god but I have dated and partnered with guys who either did not believe or were wrestling with it. I was with my ex for 6 years and he's still wrestling with his faith. I'm just curious if this is a deal breaker for guys.


    Rule # 1: Stay on topic
    Rule # 2: Keep it respectful, guys


    By the power of grey skull, I will delete this thread if it gets out of hand.
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    Nov 22, 2009 8:46 PM GMT
    Script excerpt from the movie "The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert":

    Bernadette: ... I'll join this conversation on the proviso that we stop bitching about people, talking about wigs, dresses, bust sizes, penises, drugs, night clubs, and bloody Abba.

    Tick: Doesn't give us much to talk about then does it?


    TRYING to stay on topic, to me it depends on the religious beliefs, and if they actually get in the way of a normal gay relationship. Having religious beliefs per se aren't a problem for me, and I have so few that a conflict between us about that is unlikely. But having a BF who was riddled with guilt about having gay sex, due to his religion, would be an issue for me.

    I would also drop a guy who attended a church where I couldn't go with him openly, or who had active membership in a church that was strongly anti-gay. Interestingly, that's never yet happened to me, so I guess it's possible to find guys whose religion is not an obstacle.
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    Nov 22, 2009 8:54 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa saidScript excerpt from the movie "The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert":

    Bernadette: ... I'll join this conversation on the proviso that we stop bitching about people, talking about wigs, dresses, bust sizes, penises, drugs, night clubs, and bloody Abba.

    Tick: Doesn't give us much to talk about then does it?



    haha! yeah, i guess i could be asking for a lot but i'm sure you understand that where i'm coming from.
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    Nov 22, 2009 8:58 PM GMT
    joeyveras saidhaha! yeah, i guess i could be asking for a lot but i'm sure you understand that where i'm coming from.

    I think so, and after attempting a wry little gay preface, I hope I did answer your question within your parameters.
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    Nov 22, 2009 9:14 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa said
    joeyveras saidhaha! yeah, i guess i could be asking for a lot but i'm sure you understand that where i'm coming from.

    I think so, and after attempting a wry little gay preface, I hope I did answer your question within your parameters.


    Yes, you did. By stressing "stay on topic" I mean don't turn this into a flame war. You did not do that. Thank you
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Nov 22, 2009 9:16 PM GMT
    Yes I could be with someone with different religious beliefs than me. My partner and I have some small differences in belief.

    If my religious beliefs were to be an issue, then it wouldn't be worth it.
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    Nov 23, 2009 1:54 AM GMT
    yes i can be with someone who is an atheist or of a different set of religious beliefs to mine.

    as a matter of fact I've done this once before.
    he is actually an atheist. to make it work, both parties have to respect each other,.s beliefs and agree to disagree respectfully.

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    Nov 23, 2009 2:10 AM GMT
    Yes, I could be with someone with different religious beliefs than me. As long as he doesn't try and project those beliefs onto me, and as long as those beliefs don't interfere with our relationship, then he can believe whatever he wants.

    If a guy was super religious, then I probably would steer clear.
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    Nov 23, 2009 2:34 AM GMT
    joeyveras saidCould you be w/ someone who had different religious beliefs than you? Please elaborate a bit.


    Yes, as it is both a pleasure and a necessity.

    I am not a member of any organized religion so my beliefs are pretty much "non-standard" (Nearest organized movement would be New Thought) and my latest boyfriend (now ex) used to be, and perhaps is now again, in his way to be ordained a Roman Catholic priest.

    We liked to discuss to no end religious and philosophical topics between the most mundane of conversations, heck, we spent our first afternoon as boyfriends cuddling in a couch talking about everything from pop music to Church councils.

    I guess that when I fall in love with a guy, his beliefs (as quirky as they might be) are just more of him to love if he is good at articulating them and doesn't feel threatened by my different perspectives.

    Gotta love guys who take the time to think about the BIG STUFF from whatever path they happen to be in. Is actually a turn on!
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    Nov 23, 2009 2:38 AM GMT
    Religious beliefs should be like sexual preferences, versatile and willing to try it the other way for your man icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 23, 2009 2:41 AM GMT
    I depends on what kind of religious beliefs. If it was one in which he had a lot of guilt baggage then that would probably be a problem. I would prefer that he be free. Maybe a Quaker, a Buddhist, or Taoist or something else with very little dogma.
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Nov 23, 2009 2:46 AM GMT
    I am fine with dating someone of a different religion as long as that religion isn't about controlling others and forcing the opinions of a few on the many. Religion should provide spirituality and a balance in an individual, but so many are founded on killing others or at least making others feel less worthy. I believe in building not destructing whether it be inner or outer conflicts in question.
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    Nov 23, 2009 2:48 AM GMT
    it's such a great question. One of my non-negotiables, prior to getting into a relationship was, that my future partner either be involved in some spiritual or religious tradition. It has made a huge impact on our relationship for the better.

    I had been in relationships with people who were either wrestling with it or would have nothing to do with it. That really did not work for me.
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    Nov 23, 2009 2:57 AM GMT

    Yo, Jo-e, there are people here who sleep with straight guys, married men, women, repugs, men of the cloth...so waddya think?

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    Nov 23, 2009 4:48 AM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    Yo, Jo-e, there are people here who sleep with straight guys, married men, women, repugs, men of the cloth...so waddya think?



    Well, I had my assumptions. That's one of the reasons I started this thread. We all know about the many conflicts that arise in religious threads but we never really hear much about the compromises we make. We don't seem to hear many stories about how we work past our differences or about how small those differences really are.

    I hoped this would be a healthy distraction from the other threads because rather than debating our differences, I expect this thread will serve as proof that we really aren't that different at all.
  • mynyun

    Posts: 1346

    Nov 23, 2009 11:17 AM GMT
    jprichva saidI could, if he could withstand a great deal of good-natured teasing.


    Very true. I would date someone of a different spiritual nature or belief than me. As well I have. But none of them have lasted long.
    So I look for someone who is either in similar beliefs to me or of no beliefs and can tolerate or understand mine.
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    Nov 24, 2009 10:29 PM GMT
    joeyveras saidCould you be w/ someone who had different religious beliefs than you? Please elaborate a bit.

    Whether you're a theist or an atheist, regardless of your religious beliefs, does it get in the way of your intimate relationships?

    I believe in god but I have dated and partnered with guys who either did not believe or were wrestling with it. I was with my ex for 6 years and he's still wrestling with his faith. I'm just curious if this is a deal breaker for guys.


    Rule # 1: Stay on topic
    Rule # 2: Keep it respectful, guys


    By the power of grey skull, I will delete this thread if it gets out of hand.


    I could date someone with different religious beliefs and as long as each is willing to put up with that person's beliefs., it can work. But often times what happens is neither one is able to get along with each other and the differences in beliefs causes friction in the relationship just like on RJ here and and usually what happens is that eventually one or the other will break up.
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    Nov 27, 2009 11:23 AM GMT
    joeyveras saidCould you be w/ someone who had different religious beliefs than you? Please elaborate a bit.


    Yes, as long as they don't involve me in their religion and understand I will not believe it without proof and they do not attempt to legislate their religious beliefs into law, I have no issue with what someone else believes. If they accept their religion on the mythological/allegorical/conceptual level, then we will have MANY hours of conversation indeed!

    joeyveras said
    Whether you're a theist or an atheist, regardless of your religious beliefs, does it get in the way of your intimate relationships?


    I was recently dumped by a Xtian who said he could not date an atheist.
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    Nov 27, 2009 11:58 AM GMT
    What do you mean, could I be with someone who had different religious beliefs?

    Are you talking about a one-night nailing, or a long-term relationship? If the former, no doubt - we'd fuck the living Christ out of each other. If the latter, no way in Hell I'd put up with a bible beater on any level.
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    Dec 03, 2009 6:42 PM GMT
    center said
    I was recently dumped by a Xtian who said he could not date an atheist.


    Looks like I spoke too soon. He changed his mind.
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    Dec 03, 2009 6:53 PM GMT
    I don't think I could, I'm not saying it can't happen. I believe part of having a strong long lasting relationship is having a strong bond, and a lot of that bond can be made with sharing the same values, and spiritual beliefs. I certainly wouldn't bother to get so close with anyone who disrespects mine, and or feels I'm silly for having em, because it basically means they don't fully or truly respect me.

    I think its part of the reason why my guy and I are so close, because we share all of that stuff.
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    Dec 03, 2009 7:15 PM GMT
    I simply wouldn't believe in anything that would get in the way of intimacy.
  • pandx970

    Posts: 357

    Dec 07, 2009 1:12 AM GMT
    joeyveras saidCould you be w/ someone who had different religious beliefs than you? Please elaborate a bit.

    Whether you're a theist or an atheist, regardless of your religious beliefs, does it get in the way of your intimate relationships?

    I believe in god but I have dated and partnered with guys who either did not believe or were wrestling with it. I was with my ex for 6 years and he's still wrestling with his faith. I'm just curious if this is a deal breaker for guys.


    Rule # 1: Stay on topic
    Rule # 2: Keep it respectful, guys


    By the power of grey skull, I will delete this thread if it gets out of hand.


    I can date people who don't share the same religious belief that I have. I come from a forward and progressive buddhist movement, but also play a large part in running and administration the local lay organization.

    The biggest "problem" that i've had in relationships where we have different religious beliefs and/or philosophies is that I play an active role in the local organization and in the official national LGBT group. Therefore, there has been conflict in my relationships, because I don't have a lot of time extra time for "doing sweet things" or "doing nasty things". (actual comment from an ex i was seeing icon_exclaim.gif

    So, for now, probably not. In the future, when I am not as committed to the local activities or the national LGBT group, I think I could, because it involves a lot of dialogue and back-and-forth to get to that level of mutual understanding. But, for now, timing wise, it wouldn't be wise for me to do so, I feel.
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    Dec 07, 2009 1:16 AM GMT
    I'm Atheist, he's Catholic. He doesn't go to church and we get along pretty well by not discussing our differences on religion.