Keeping secrets ...

  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    May 09, 2007 2:21 PM GMT
    Okay ... I'm back on the dating scene, but I am wondering if anyone keeps things from their dates so you don't scare them off.

    I'm keeping from guys here that I box since the few times I have mentioned it scared most of them away.

    Are you keeping things from guys you date or not?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 09, 2007 2:27 PM GMT
    I think that we all keep things secret sometimes....I don't see a problem with that. If you think it might scare people off you can always wait until you get to know them a bit better. If they really like you, it shouldn't make a difference.
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    May 09, 2007 2:43 PM GMT
    Isn't it natural to disclose information over time, as you get to know one another?

    I used to hate it when I dated someone and he felt he had to dump his whole life story on me between the entree and dessert on the first date.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 09, 2007 4:34 PM GMT
    i think it's entirely proper to hold some things back. it's the negotiation protocol.

    for example, don't bring up something like a fetish unless you've reached a level of comfort between the two of you that you choose to share such a thing.

    take a fictitious example. if my current boyfriend bleated out that he loved to suck and worship feet as soon as we had met and spent the next 5 minutes expressing his desire to lavish my feet with tongue baths, i would probably have stood up and walked out before the waiter had even inquired about drinks.

    but if he were to bring it up now, i'd have no problems with it.

    sort of like guys that have their anus spread wide open for you as their default picture. sure in the end that's where my penis is going and it's going to be quite pleasurable, but that isn't the photo you introduce to your mother... :-?

    there's a time and place for every component of a relationship. the adept person figures out what and when to bring up something to a prospective boyfriend :)
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    May 09, 2007 4:58 PM GMT
    I can't imagine why you revealing you box puts people off, unless you offer to knock them around.

    I've been dating the same guy for 5 years and I still have some things I've never told him (not deal breakers). It's perfectly ok to keep a bit of yourself to yourself especially in the first few months of a relationship.

    I've read your replies to other posts and your profile and I think you over analyse things. You're a cute guy, just get out there and have some fun.

    The thing to remember is you can't really help how other people treat you. As long as your treat them with respect, then any negativity from them is there fault.

    Loz
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    May 09, 2007 11:42 PM GMT
    I seriously don't think it was the boxing!
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    May 12, 2007 1:44 AM GMT
    ...I agree...the "art of the reveal" is a delicate and time sensitive issue...

    ...now secretive behavior or something that you know is doing someone else harm or dishonest...come clean early...you get to choose acute or chronic pain with this area of secrecy [unforunately no option of no pain]...

    ...a closeted boxer, eh?...first time hearing about that...although perhaps considered a violent sport [what isn't these days], what the heck could someone have against boxing?...

    ...wierd...

    - David
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    May 12, 2007 9:13 PM GMT
    Honestly ... it has scared off a few guys. I really have no idea why. I did mention to someone that it must weed out the cheaters.

    Hell, would you cheat on someone who's a boxer?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2007 12:30 PM GMT
    I don't think it is the boxing either.

    I don't keep secrets but I don't dump the whole load on the first, second or third encounter either. When the time is right it will come up.

    It all depends on your secrets. There is a difference between oh, by the way I am living with someone and I am a black belt in Kung fu.

    There are things you should perhaps tell a guy before your first date and I think it is only respectful on your part. I would like to know if the guy I am dating is involed with someone or has a life treatening infection.

    If a connection is there, the rest can come later!