Which do you love more?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 23, 2009 8:32 AM GMT
    wishingwell.gif


    Has anyone ever felt that the pursuit of a relationship has held them back from the things they truly want to do in life?

    Like you date so much that you neglect your guitar, which would some day make you famous... or put your screenplay on the back-burner because your boyfriend requires your attention at every waking moment, etc....


    Personally, when I do enter a long-term relationship, I hope to keep a balance, never lose track of my goals, and to incorporate him in with them.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Nov 23, 2009 10:56 AM GMT
    I was never that aggressive or persistent about pursuing a relationship, but I can say that once in one, certain things happened:

    1) my husband supports me to be the very best I can be. knowing that I wanted to learn to play the piano, he and my close friend booked me private lessons and got me learner's books for my birthday. Knowing that it was my dream to learn to sail, he offered to cover or front me the cost of my course in Majorca when it looked like it might fall through for money reasons. Knowing that I was determined to combat the heart disease inherited from dad's side (grandpa went at 48, uncle Rob at 49, at 50 dad - smoking and overweight - has a heart attack followed by a debilitating stroke), he gently rode me to get my lazy a** away from the computer and outside for a run or bike ride or something with him. it took 10 years for me to wake up, but I'm so glad I have.

    Long story short: In a healthy relationship, partners help each other be MORE than they might be alone, not less.

    That said, in the beginning a relationship also requires an enormous amount of time invested to do all the work necessary to meld two separate lives.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Nov 23, 2009 4:41 PM GMT
    ThePenIsMyTier said
    Has anyone ever felt that the pursuit of a relationship has held them back from the things they truly want to do in life?
    ... Personally, when I do enter a long-term relationship, I hope to keep a balance, never lose track of my goals, and to incorporate him in with them.


    I think you've began to answer your own question here. I think that if we are to begin to be more conscious of the decisions that we make and how they may affect the lives of ourselves and that of others, that we then begin to get an idea of how much work it is to be in a relationship.

    Losing sight of who you are happens, I think, when you do things other than for the sake of learning. I feel that each experience in which we are exposed, is to teach a lesson that will be of some use-value to us in our lifetimes. Life does not appear to be a process of looking back and wishing we were ... so much as peering into now and working to be who we'd like to see ourselves then; every house has to have a foundation before a frame, lining, and beyond can occur.

    My long-term goal is to love. but that is not limited to simply loving my man for who he is. it is also to love my family, my friends, my life, and try to exercise agape for my fellow man. But when you try to fit love into a standard category ... it seems as though you are not allowing the both of you the freedom to construct the relationship to ' fit ' the two of you. There are things that you want and there will be things that he wants. Older or younger, regardless, each person needs the freedom to be their own person and to learn to compromise at a level where the other person feels both respected and loved.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 23, 2009 9:43 PM GMT
    Loving someone and being loved changes who we are.
    Being a part of a "We" changes how we look at life and how we move through it. The trick is to explore the person you are becoming and dovetail it with who you have always been.
    It doesn't have to be a sacrifice of one over the other.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 23, 2009 9:44 PM GMT
    I care more about people than stuff.
  • Little_Spoon

    Posts: 1562

    Nov 23, 2009 9:46 PM GMT
    That guy is lucky.

    icon_redface.gif
    Although, the X wing is looking pretty tight.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Nov 23, 2009 9:46 PM GMT
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Nov 23, 2009 9:48 PM GMT
    drypin saidI was never that aggressive or persistent about pursuing a relationship, but I can say that once in one, certain things happened:

    1) my husband supports me to be the very best I can be. knowing that I wanted to learn to play the piano, he and my close friend booked me private lessons and got me learner's books for my birthday. Knowing that it was my dream to learn to sail, he offered to cover or front me the cost of my course in Majorca when it looked like it might fall through for money reasons. Knowing that I was determined to combat the heart disease inherited from dad's side (grandpa went at 48, uncle Rob at 49, at 50 dad - smoking and overweight - has a heart attack followed by a debilitating stroke), he gently rode me to get my lazy a** away from the computer and outside for a run or bike ride or something with him. it took 10 years for me to wake up, but I'm so glad I have.

    Long story short: In a healthy relationship, partners help each other be MORE than they might be alone, not less.

    That said, in the beginning a relationship also requires an enormous amount of time invested to do all the work necessary to meld two separate lives.


    Well said. A good relationship should not detract from your life, and your other goals, but make life better. I know a lot of folks, straight and gay, that are more industrious because they are in a stable relationship.

    To the OP. You're right though, I know some guys who spend way too much time either dating or looking for someone to date than actually doing other things that they want to accomplish. I guess a balance really is needed.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 24, 2009 6:03 AM GMT

    You saw what that alien thing did to the pod racer in Episode One and money is never guaranteed happiness; a great many rich people are miserable because they have all this money, but not that in the last pic. Now gimme a man draped over a wheelbarrow of money...what, that's one wish? teeth Pictures, Images and Photos



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 24, 2009 12:12 PM GMT
    Well, first of all I have never been in a long term relationship. My longest one is 2 months... and I barely made it. Suddenly I felt so pressured and trapped. I was missing my single life and I didn't have enough time for work, studies, boyfriend, friends and personal needs. It was crazy... my job always comes first and he didn't like that, so I had to let him go. There are things I don't want to change for now, maybe it's too early for a long term relationship.... or maybe I am just not supposed to be in one. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 24, 2009 12:52 PM GMT
    Never put on the back-burner the things you love in life. Your bf should not just love you but all that there is about you. Fuck even take part in them. Example, I play cello (my bfs favorite instrument and mine as well obviously). He wants me to teach him and I will one day. He can play piano. How do we interact sometimes... he will accompany me on piano while I play a cello solo. Or we both will paint something. He is a gamer... I play and try to get the hang of it because well it what he likes. You have to embrace each others differences. And you cant make them neglect something they like because you done. Let him have his time if that is what he or you need.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Nov 24, 2009 12:54 PM GMT
    Finding love is great and all but I'm number 1. I would rather pursue my dreams then be in a relationship, but if my partner supported me and was with me 100% then yeah I can be in a relationship.
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    Nov 26, 2009 8:17 AM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    You saw what that alien thing did to the pod racer in Episode One and money is never guaranteed happiness; a great many rich people are miserable because they have all this money, but not that in the last pic. Now gimme a man draped over a wheelbarrow of money...what, that's one wish? teeth Pictures, Images and Photos



    I moreso meant Success and/or goals than money.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Nov 26, 2009 11:34 PM GMT
    ThePenIsMyTier said
    GuiltyGear said
    money is never guaranteed happinessteeth Pictures, Images and Photos



    I moreso meant Success and/or goals than money.


    Maybe it's a question of how you define success. Keeping up a healthy relationship also takes work and has its own rewards. And as much as I enjoy accolades after a good performance, public speech or other job well done, it was anticlimactic back when I didn't have anyone to share the joy with. When I come home and Joachim asks, "How did it go?" and I can say, "They loved it," he beams with pride for me and the work I've done and I get to bask in that glow. It rocks.
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    Nov 27, 2009 12:02 AM GMT
    Ha, since I've never really fell in love I would say the Millenium Falcon, lol.