Cant we live single??????

  • hectorjack

    Posts: 58

    Nov 24, 2009 8:27 AM GMT
    I am sure there are many out there accross the world who live single because of the any one of the following reasons..


    1)All gud men are already taken
    2)I'm not ready for a Relationship
    3)I'm used to being alone and i dont like rejections.
    4)I'm too busy and i dont want to answer any one.
    5)I need to be successful first.
    6)Too many men to choose form.
    7)Its easier to be friends.I'm afraid to get hurt again.
    icon_cool.gifRelationships are overrated.


    and may more to go .. all i wanted to know is do we still belive the same words from 10 years down the lane. or is it worth being a single.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 24, 2009 8:43 AM GMT
    I like being single. I don't have to answer to anyone, or put up with anyone's crap. I date sometimes, but at the first sign of any psycho bubbles preparing to heat up I run like the wind. I never say never, but it seems like every guy I've come across lately is a liar, has a chemical dependency issue, or major self esteem issues...or occasionally I get all 3. That or they're just so narcissistic I want to bludgeon their egos with a toaster. I'm just not interested in rescuing, fixing, or being anyone's Romeo. The way I view relationships is we walk hand in hand or we don't walk at all. It seems to be hard to find people who view things that way who are on the market. Maybe I'm just not really looking for them though. I don't know.
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    Nov 24, 2009 10:49 AM GMT
    I agree with you up above...I'm not here to fix or rescue anyone. Been there, done that, demanding my money back. I want someone who is a full whole, so we can be two wholes, rather than two halves.
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    Nov 24, 2009 11:39 AM GMT
    KidnapMyAffection saidSomebody truly whole wouldn't worry about walking hand in hand with someone not whole yet.

    Why seek wholeness in others when wholeness you do possess?

    In fact, nobody is whole. Wholeness is not a mortal trait.


    I'd agree to that. Of course, nobody wants to put up with having to rescue anyone, but I do not think that this is the meaning of a relationship either, is it?

    I have been with my partner for quite some time now and nobody's perfect. Everyday life kicks in sooner or later and it is there that you get to know a person truly.

    Imagining being single right now could be fun for my own selfish reasons, putting up with someone else requires compromises from both sides and there is a choice you make. Then again, it IS difficult to find the right one, there are a lot of 'psycho-bubbles' (I like that word! Thx runninchlt!) out there, ready to explode. Thank God they are usually easy to recognize after a few moments.

    I guess it is whatever makes one happy in the end.
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    Nov 24, 2009 12:13 PM GMT
    I'd say 2 and 4 apply to me.

    2 - because I've only been single for about 6 months after a 7 year long monogamous relationship (I think I need to take some time before jumping right into another one...)

    4 - I work long, odd hours and travel a lot, so it's kinda tough making the time to spend with the people in my life who are important to me as it is, let alone establish new connections....and I'm enjoying the freedom of being entirely independent.
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Nov 24, 2009 12:22 PM GMT
    Eden saidSomebody truly whole wouldn't worry about walking hand in hand with someone not whole yet.

    Why seek wholeness in others when wholeness you do possess?

    In fact, nobody is whole. Wholeness is not a mortal trait.



    I like that. Been in a long term relationship for many years. Don't want to be single, even if it ended. Nothing is perfect, and I have come to believe that the devil you know, is better than the devil you don't know!

    I think many of single friends are so self absorbed they really can't develop a bond with another person, seems to happen over and over. Many young guys have been raised to think they are the end all and be all, and just simply can't adjust to someone else being equal to them. Everyone has baggage and learning to accept and adjust to it is part of being in and part of a relationship.

  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Nov 24, 2009 12:35 PM GMT
    I'm not a fan of being single. But I'm so out of practice in relationships (college, with a woman, 5 years ago) that I'm terrified to jump back in.

    Also, I'm still newly out, it will take a little more time to get secure enough to date and get ripped to shreds. But I do miss having someone around.
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    Nov 24, 2009 1:43 PM GMT
    jlly_rnchr said it will take a little more time to get secure enough to date and get ripped to shreds.


    If you start dating with that attitude of course it's going to be like walking on broken glass. But it isn't really like that. There will be some bad dates and some good ones. You'll meet lots of different personality types, some of whom will be far more vivid than anyone you'd encounter in your daily life. You'll learn more social skills. You'll collect lots of material for good stories to tell afterwards.

    And sooner or later you'll find a keeper.
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    Nov 24, 2009 2:14 PM GMT
    Finding Mr. Right is sometimes just as difficult as transmuting lead to gold. Some of us are so thoroughly strange and way outside the bounds of "normal" gay culture in ideals and likes/dislikes, that it's impossible for some of us to integrate. I'm probably a prime example. I've yet to meet a mature gay/bi guy who's not looking for something totally all-encompassing and monogamous, who's into metal, and who can deal with floating through different social sub-cultures.
  • DiverScience

    Posts: 1426

    Nov 24, 2009 2:19 PM GMT
    Been single for almost 4 years now. I haven't died of it yet.

    Would I like ot be coupled? Sure. Am I going to sacrifice my life, my hobbies, my career, and my future to devote my life to nothing but searching for the man to "complete me?" Fuck no. The man who would "complete" that person is not a man *I* want to spend my life with.

    It will happen, or it won't. Until then, I'm doing fine living on my own.
  • bmw0

    Posts: 588

    Nov 24, 2009 3:00 PM GMT
    Strangely i find it a mix of one and six.

    There seem to be plenty of guys out there but like some others have said most are off in the head or in to drugs or don't seem to understand monogamy loyalty or even common courtesy.

    I don't really mind being single, but hope to some day (sooner rather than later) find the one to settle down with and build a life together. For me it's not about finding the perfect guy either, its about finding an imperfect guy i can see perfectly. But we do have to get along. icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 24, 2009 3:16 PM GMT
    Hey Hectorjack! (who's a big grand daddy now that his dog Misty has had 'Misty puppies'!!)


    Single or in a relationship, both states have great things about them.
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    Nov 24, 2009 11:42 PM GMT
    I came into this world alone (single) and I will go out alone (single). I am ok with that. I see too many people who need to be with someone without really getting to know them and see if they are a match. That leads to fights and divorce.

    I think relationships happen or it will not happen. Your opportunities change by a change in jobs, and change in cities, or going online at a certain time even. You meet someone and you just click. Until I get the click, I am ok alone.
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    Nov 24, 2009 11:46 PM GMT
    where is the option of "I have no use for one" ????

    Seriously, I've had a long productive relationship, it was fun, but now I'm single, I like it, I see no need nor use for a relationship, I've things I want to do and I've no interest in having anyone stand in my way, it's not about success or fear or lack/abundance of choice, I simple don't see any reason to have one.

    And I'm happy with that.

    So yes we can live a single life and be happy about it icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 24, 2009 11:47 PM GMT
    There are always two reasons why people call me to make an appointment:

    1. They are single and want to be in a relationship.
    2. They are in a relationship and wish they were single

    Over the years, often this would be the same person.

    :-)
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    Nov 25, 2009 12:06 AM GMT
    pecfan saidI came into this world alone (single) and I will go out alone (single). I am ok with that. I see too many people who need to be with someone without really getting to know them and see if they are a match. That leads to fights and divorce.

    I think relationships happen or it will not happen. Your opportunities change by a change in jobs, and change in cities, or going online at a certain time even. You meet someone and you just click. Until I get the click, I am ok alone.


    Im waiting for the click. Im ready for a solid relationship
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    Nov 25, 2009 12:09 AM GMT
    #7 is where I am at.... kinda. But if the truth is to be told, I am really enjoying rediscovering me after three years of a relationship that quickly turned into a "hostage situation."
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    Nov 25, 2009 12:25 AM GMT
    if you are all happy being single then why do you need this forum's validationicon_rolleyes.gif
  • styrgan

    Posts: 2017

    Nov 25, 2009 12:44 AM GMT
    ANDCB saidif you are all happy being single then why do you need this forum's validationicon_rolleyes.gif


    Did you come up with that all on your own?

    Not everybody's values are the same.

    icon_rolleyes.gif

    "I prefer fucking. It's painless and efficient. You get in and out with a maximum of pleasure and a minimum of bullshit." - Brian Kinney
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    Nov 25, 2009 12:46 AM GMT
    An old saying of my grandmothers seems to fit here even though it was meant to pertain to the weather. it goes like this ---- as a rule a man is a fool, when its hot he wants it cool, when its cool he wants it hot, always wanting what is not --------- I thiink when it comes to relationships its pretty much like this for a lot of us. I've been single for quite a few years after raising my children, I've had a few relationships where we shared my home. I have come to the place that I'll be happy either way, I'm happy now being single but if I find a good relationship, I'll be happy that I found it and revel in it. I recently ended a relationship because I'm not into training adults or changing them, neither do I need to adjust my life totally to keep someone around. In my last relationship case he became a chain smoker night and day, it was killing me, and I thought it very inconsiderate. So I'm a happy single guy again.
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    Nov 25, 2009 12:57 AM GMT
    styrgan said
    ANDCB saidif you are all happy being single then why do you need this forum's validationicon_rolleyes.gif


    Did you come up with that all on your own?



    i seem to have a hit a nerve.i am sorry but i dont understand the reason behind your hostility.....
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    Nov 25, 2009 1:04 AM GMT
    ANDCB said
    styrgan said
    ANDCB saidif you are all happy being single then why do you need this forum's validationicon_rolleyes.gif


    Did you come up with that all on your own?



    i seem to have a hit a nerve.i am sorry but i dont understand the reason behind your hostility.....

    I don't think you hit a nerve so much as displayed a lack of intelligent thought behind your post.

    You are making an assumption that expression of ones personal opinion is a search for validation, when, in fact, an expression of an opinion is just that and nothing more.

    I've read every post in this thread, none are calling for validation to what they believe but are merely making a point that they believe in something on this particular topic.

    If by sheer luck some people find a common bond over a particular view point that is expressed in this post, then fab...
  • styrgan

    Posts: 2017

    Nov 25, 2009 1:25 AM GMT
    ANDCB said
    styrgan said
    ANDCB saidif you are all happy being single then why do you need this forum's validationicon_rolleyes.gif


    Did you come up with that all on your own?



    i seem to have a hit a nerve.i am sorry but i dont understand the reason behind your hostility.....


    It's a nerve that responds to thoughtless posting.

    Quite a few posters acknowledged and expressed their own limitations in regards to being single and perhaps being scarred or hurt in the past... and then you come in rolling your eyes and making ridiculous comments about validation.

    You seem like a nice guy, but you need to check yourself.
  • styrgan

    Posts: 2017

    Nov 25, 2009 1:35 AM GMT
    hectorjack said
    and may more to go .. all i wanted to know is do we still belive the same words from 10 years down the lane. or is it worth being a single.


    By the way, no one is ever the same person over a period of years. Our society is evolving faster than ever, and free access to information compounded with lots of social pressure has resulted in people changing drastically over the course of a few years. I would argue that this is the reason for the lack of permanence in relationships (regardless of the sex of the people who are in them).

    All you can do in this moment is to be the best person you can possibly be. Do not waste time doubting yourself or trying to figure out what the best course of action is to be in a better place in ten years. Try to figure out what will put you in a better place tomorrow, and try to keep an almost irrational faith in the future.
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    Nov 25, 2009 1:36 AM GMT
    I've only dated one guy (and one girl when I was a freshman in college, eons ago). I think being single is great with much less stress or worry, though it's nice to have a relationship sometimes. Hmmmm....a real noodle scratcher. icon_question.gif