Being ignored.

  • JayneCobb

    Posts: 709

    Nov 27, 2009 5:00 AM GMT
    I'm confused to why 3/4ths the time I send an email to a guy just to strike up a casual conversation I get ignored. These emails arnt the lame ass "sup"; I actually take the time to read profiles and articulate a decent message before hitting the send button. Maybe they see my picture and just say fuck it? Or maybe I don't realize I'm dyslexic and my emails look like gibberish? I'm not holding stock on either of those..

    I suppose I'm just being bitchy from the holidays but this really takes a toll on my self esteem when people don't even have the decency to send at least SOMETHING back to me.

    /rant & discuss?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2009 5:26 AM GMT
    Happens to me sometimes,but I just move on and talk to someone else. Sometimes when I Email someone it takes a while for them to reply back. A lot of the guys on RJ are in college or(and) have full time jobs,so they tend to be busy and may not have time to reply back to your message( benefit of the doubt). Also, there are gonna be those guys that only want to talk to you if you look good,but like I said just move on. There are a shit load of guys on this site.

    You win some,you lose some.


    Kevin icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2009 5:39 AM GMT
    Yeah.........you win some you loose some. Actually, 1/4 response rate is pretty damn good.
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    Nov 27, 2009 6:32 AM GMT
    Haha, I was just thinking this. I don't send a lot of messages, however when I do, it's usually regarding something in a member's profile that was interesting or caught my attention.

    I'll be the first to admit that I ignore messages now and then; for example a non-verified member 20 years older than me unlocks their adult photos and sends a creepy message that reads, "I really want to get to know you". I won't reply to that shit.

    BTW…I hate when complete strangers whom I have not previously spoken with unlock their nude photos for me, have some class.

    Anyway, if a person can’t reply to a respectable message, they can go screw off.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2009 6:44 AM GMT
    jmals23 saidHaha, I was just thinking this. I don't send a lot of messages, however when I do, it's usually regarding something in a member's profile that was interesting or caught my attention.

    I'll be the first to admit that I ignore messages now and then; for example a non-verified member 20 years older than me unlocks their adult photos and sends a creepy message that reads, "I really want to get to know you". I won't reply to that shit.

    BTW…I hate when complete strangers whom I have not previously spoken with unlock their nude photos for me, have some class.

    Anyway, if a person can’t reply to a respectable message, they can go screw off.



    ahahahahahah!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2009 6:52 AM GMT
    25 % response is good. I respond to every email I get and I view every person with a picture who viewed my profile. If you are kind enough to want to list me, I write back to say thanks.
    Males are hard wired to be visually oriented. Our brains are different from females, for a variety of reasons, some of which are basic primal activities such as hunting, mating and defense.
    When I joined this site I was pretty much invisible till I put on some muscle, and I've reminded most of my new friends that they ignored me and my mail for the first couple of years - and they always have an "explanation" icon_lol.gif
    But they're guys - so I know how thier minds work.
    And of course, after a certain age nowadays we are useless & creepy - so that's when you really become invisible.
    On a positive note - there was a guy about 20 something, a body builder who I wrote to re training and he wrote back volumes and took the time to send pictures - he had no attitude - just a sincere desire to be helpful. & BTW even without his muscles he wouldve been incredibly handsome.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2009 6:52 AM GMT
    Maybe they just don't feel like talking... icon_rolleyes.gif
    Sometimes when I receive a message, I don't reply right away, because I am not in the mood to get to know somebody.
    Or they just didn't like you... which is not something to get upset about. There are always going to be people who won't like you icon_smile.gif It's inevitable.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Nov 27, 2009 7:37 AM GMT
    I'm not sure if this constitutes the drama your profile says you HATE. But giving you the benefit of the doubt, you might look at what you're posting and decide if you would find it easy to respond to if you received it. I haven't read any of it, so I can't really say specifically.

    Are these non-responders looking at your profile? Perhaps something about it puts them off.

    Assuming the emails are topical and articulate, as you said, make sure the person is looking for "friends", because otherwise, they probably aren't going to drawn to your own profile.
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    Nov 27, 2009 9:42 AM GMT
    This is the same shit that I have dealt with. If they don't respond, I am like, fuck it. They were dicks in the first place.

    But at the same time, there are a bunch of cool guys on here (Jawrhed for example) that make up for all the assholes. And these guys are worth getting to know.
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    Nov 27, 2009 10:42 AM GMT
    People normally reply to me.

    Or at least I think they do. I can´t remember who I´ve written to half the time so maybe no-one replies. Or perhaps it´s just RJ admin to make me feel better.

    icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Nov 27, 2009 3:02 PM GMT
    25% response rate is really good on here, sadly--mine is more like 5%.

    Yes, so what, some people get lots of emails and "can't" respond to every one. But if they had the time to look at my profile--and in fact some of them do it more than once--and STILL don't respond, that's a big red flag that reads "Wanker."
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    Nov 27, 2009 3:28 PM GMT
    it is their loss icon_smile.gif hold your head up high and smile icon_wink.gif
  • bradsmith

    Posts: 175

    Nov 27, 2009 3:36 PM GMT
    Everyone prior has made great points! I'd just say, sometimes its difficult to get a quick read on someone...a clue as to how they treat the people in their life. Lack of a response is a pretty good indicator (in most cases) that moving on is the best thing. But let it reflect on them and not on you...basic civility and politeness are in very short supply today...and the internet, with its instant contact has made it an even more valuable commodity...so, when you find it, treasure it...and when its missing...let it be the other person's issue.

    Happy holidays and I'm sure there are tons of guys who'll be more than willing to return your messages...with content even!
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    Nov 27, 2009 3:37 PM GMT
    I hear you, often wonder the same. It seems that sometimes guys think that you're infringing on their time and place when actually you're just trying to make conversation. It is frustrating but I tend to try and view it as people who lack consideration and social skills and that I probably wouldn't be interested in chatting with anyway.

    I attended a boot camp one time where a guy I had emailed multiple times was also in attendance. We both had talked about going to this, he was with some friends, I went alone. He never even spoke to me the entire time. I figured it was my age or physical shape but it always made me think about how inconsiderate and narrow minded he was for not at least being socially thoughtful. Not like I was asking to marry or even date the guy! Geeez.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2009 3:50 PM GMT
    Well next time you can send me a mail, lol.

    Its actually pretty common here, so don't take it personally dude.
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    Nov 27, 2009 3:53 PM GMT
    Its probably cause your gay! ....... oh wait!?!?!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2009 4:01 PM GMT
    Im not saying that I recieve a lot of emails or instant message pop-ups, but I have found that I hate rejection just as much as the next person and I find it extremely hard to respond to a message in the negative. I have manned-up and said that Im not interested, but still it is hard.

    AND on the other side of the spectrum, I have sent several emails where they have gone unresponded. I have read the profiles (I mean, thats why you take the time to input the information onto ones profile, isnt it... TO BE READ), and I have put together, atleast what I think is a decent email, and still they go unresponded.

    My advice.... stick with it. Someone amazing will respond in the positive and it may even turn out to be a great friendship
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2009 4:19 PM GMT
    It's a social site -- I learned not to take the "ignores" seriously. Just move on. Always a good rule here is not to treat others the way you wouldn't want to be treated as ..... All I can do is to be cordial to others.

    Move on -- young man. I am sure you will find some great buds here.

    My pet peeve is that you received a comment/reply after you reveal your private photos as "very fuckable" then the eternal silent treatment -- WTF? Now discuss ..... enlighten me. Is that a code in this site? LOL

    Remember cheeky is fun, rudeness is a turn-off.

    Cheers....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2009 4:26 PM GMT
    Dear OP

    those who don't respond are the ones who take a look at your pics and are just not into you.

    believe you me - if they were- no matter how busy they, they would make the time to respond back.

    take it for what it is and move on. chalk it up to just one of those things. and make sure that you don't ever do the thing you are complaining about
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2009 4:43 PM GMT
    I will be honest, I think Im a nice guy, but I am guilty of sometimes not responding, however It is not to be rude, or hurt anyones self esteem. I would never want to do that. Truth is I am in a relationship,& while there was a time when I was a member on here when I was single, & was more open to talk, & while I would still like to be able to do that, 9 times out of 10 when I get a message, even If it seems friendly, and harmless at first the direction tends to go back towards flirting. I am flattered by anyone that pays a compliment, but It never ends there, but I do not want to disrespect my boyfriend, and when I reply very politely "thank you, but Im in a relationship", the response is always the same, :then why are you on here? "or "I wasn't hitting on you", and very offended, when there previous messages state otherwise, so Its just easier to not respond to sometimes to save us both time I guess.
  • jeepguySD

    Posts: 651

    Nov 27, 2009 7:22 PM GMT
    I completely empathize with the OP. Nine times of out ten, I get completely ingored when I send a message. My messages are never rude or obscene, but rather are always cordial and have something to do with the person's profile. When one of my messages contains a compliment it is sincere and polite, and not intended as a sexual overture. When those compliments are ingnored it is simply hurtful. A simple "thank you" would be enough.

    The worst is when I send a message, the person looks at my profile, then won't even open my message. That implies a thought process like "eww, he's so disgusting I don't even care what he wrote." How can someone be like that?

    It is not my intent to condemn a whole category of people, but they should at least be aware that the cumulative effect of being ignored so often can be devastating. Whether you agree that it should be or not, it affects some people deeply.

    Not everyone is so indifferent as to just shrug everything off.
  • bigguysf

    Posts: 329

    Nov 27, 2009 7:24 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidPeople normally reply to me.

    Or at least I think they do. I can´t remember who I´ve written to half the time so maybe no-one replies. Or perhaps it´s just RJ admin to make me feel better.

    icon_rolleyes.gif

    With abs like that Lostboy, who wouldn't respond to you??? LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2009 7:26 PM GMT
    Some people like a certain kind of people. they are looking for certain traits that gets their rocks off! I cant blame them but I am at least cordial. I respond to everyone..
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    Nov 27, 2009 7:27 PM GMT
    You are worrying too much lad. You are just sending emails to the wrong people icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 27, 2009 7:28 PM GMT
    ActiveAndFit saidYou are worrying too much lad. You are just sending emails to the wrong people icon_wink.gif


    I second this.

    I'd respond...icon_wink.gif