Monogamous Relationships in an Age of Cyber Hook-ups

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 27, 2009 4:39 PM GMT
    After almost 7 years of being with the same guy, I would hardly consider myself new to being gay. Although, he was my first and only boyfriend, which makes the whole “gay dating” scene very new (and a bit daunting).

    Admittedly, our relationship ended because of his inability to be completely monogamous. Is it wrong of me to have these expectations from a gay male? Is it possible to find a lasting and committed gay relationship in the age of cyber hook-ups?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 27, 2009 4:47 PM GMT

    Hey JFalcore80, Welcome to Realjock!

    "Is it wrong of me to have these expectations from a gay male?"

    Nope.

    "Is it possible to find a lasting and committed gay relationship in the age of cyber hook-ups?"


    Absolutely.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 28, 2009 4:57 AM GMT
    Oh, they are out there. icon_redface.gif

    You just have to believe!


    I feel like a Disney movie. icon_surprised.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 28, 2009 5:01 AM GMT
    no, it's not wrong to want or expect monogomy. it can be challenging to find someone compatible, but we're not all out there fucking like rabbits. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 28, 2009 5:07 AM GMT
    onejock saidno, it's not wrong to want or expect monogomy. it can be challenging to find someone compatible, but we're not all out there fucking like rabbits. icon_smile.gif
    ..huh?


    You mean...

    not every other guy in the world besides me is completely monogamous? icon_eek.gificon_eek.gificon_eek.gif

  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Nov 28, 2009 5:09 AM GMT
    Just so we're all on the same page, monogamous means only using one hand?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 28, 2009 5:14 AM GMT
    Celticmusl saidJust so we're all on the same page, monogamous means only using one hand?


    WTF are you talking about...Mono=1 gamous=legs

    It's old timey talk for doing it with one leg. Show us yer gams, toots!
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Nov 28, 2009 5:24 AM GMT
    I myself am beginning to lose the faith in this possibility.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 28, 2009 6:50 PM GMT
    I want to believe that with the right guy we can both be monogamous. But I can't be sure if I am ever gonna meet that right guy... so for now I just do what I feel like doing.

    I don't think you should give up. Thinks aren't always as black and white as they seem and the fact that in your world monogamy is a must, means that there is someone who will share that with you... good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 28, 2009 6:55 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Hey JFalcore80, Welcome to Realjock!

    "Is it wrong of me to have these expectations from a gay male?"

    Nope.

    "Is it possible to find a lasting and committed gay relationship in the age of cyber hook-ups?"


    Absolutely.


    Couldn't have said it any better!

    However, now that you are single, take some time to be free and enjoy doing what you want to do. When the right man comes along, you'll know and the relationship will naturally build itself.

    Welcome again and enjoy!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 28, 2009 7:00 PM GMT
    It is not unreasonable to expect a monogamous relationship if both parties agree to it. Otherwise it is a lost cause. Maybe if that is what you are shooting for you should date and not have sex until there is a commitment.

    Even with straights though relationships fail so you should not feel like it is a gay problem.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 28, 2009 11:58 PM GMT
    Expectations and Outcomes. How many times I have expectations of how someone should respond or behave to my response or behavior?
    Talk, Talk and when you think you have expressed your expectations, say it again. Being a good listener, and have intuition (gut feeling) is a real plus.
    Establishing and communicating respectful expectations and outcomes is necessary. It helps to reduce the; "But, I Thought You Were," dialogues later. This is a view point from a man who has never had a gay relationship, but relationships with room mates, shared housing partners and etc..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 29, 2009 12:14 AM GMT

    Yes, for a time. it hurts to say that seven years was an awesome try. I think especially because of the accessibility of ready and willing men online, monogamy may fast become a thing of the past. I'm prepared to stay single cause ain't no man crawling his nasty cheatin no good hide into bed with me after a thrilling night of bobbing for skank. Leave me and my cat, Tituba, to sleep in peace.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 29, 2009 12:34 AM GMT
    dannyboy1101 saidI myself am beginning to lose the faith in this possibility.


    No way! Please don't without giving me a shot icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 29, 2009 12:46 AM GMT
    JFalcore80 saidAfter almost 7 years of being with the same guy, I would hardly consider myself new to being gay. Although, he was my first and only boyfriend, which makes the whole “gay dating” scene very new (and a bit daunting).

    Admittedly, our relationship ended because of his inability to be completely monogamous. Is it wrong of me to have these expectations from a gay male? Is it possible to find a lasting and committed gay relationship in the age of cyber hook-ups?

    Trust that you will find a person to live a life with. You have to kiss a few frogs for sure but that too has it's benefits. Monogamy does exist - finding that special someone is the easy part, maintaining it is when the work begins.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2009 3:19 AM GMT
    JFalcore80 saidAfter almost 7 years of being with the same guy, I would hardly consider myself new to being gay. Although, he was my first and only boyfriend, which makes the whole “gay dating” scene very new (and a bit daunting).

    Admittedly, our relationship ended because of his inability to be completely monogamous. Is it wrong of me to have these expectations from a gay male? Is it possible to find a lasting and committed gay relationship in the age of cyber hook-ups?



    I met my current boyfriend online and we are still in a monogamous relationship! I am still with him because he has qualities I rarely find in all the gay men I've dated. We had enough highs and lows to know that our future together looks very promising. My only concern is his increased depression for not being able to find a job since he was lay off back in February 2009! I do hope he finds a job soon so that he stop feeling like he is a burden on me!? So after having said all that consider yourself lucky and blessed for putting monogamy high on your list of priorities for another chance at love. I wish you well, you seem like a really nice guy who deserves only the best.


    ♥ Leandro ♥
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2009 4:15 AM GMT
    As you see nearly everyone on this site wants monogamy. It makes me wonder why they aren't dating each other.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2009 7:35 AM GMT
    JW61 said Monogamy does exist - finding that special someone is the easy part, maintaining it is when the work begins.


    I could not agree more. I am very fortunate to have found that someone. Monogamy does exist. Honesty is the most important trait to look for if you seek monogamy. An honest partner will be upfront about their commitment.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Dec 01, 2009 8:05 AM GMT
    JFalcore80 saidAfter almost 7 years of being with the same guy, I would hardly consider myself new to being gay. Although, he was my first and only boyfriend, which makes the whole “gay dating” scene very new (and a bit daunting).

    Admittedly, our relationship ended because of his inability to be completely monogamous. Is it wrong of me to have these expectations from a gay male? Is it possible to find a lasting and committed gay relationship in the age of cyber hook-ups?


    You should post this under the other monogamy thread!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2009 8:08 AM GMT
    we guys who want monogamous relationships are still out there. keep looking, there is hope.
    Im just glad im not the only one afterall :-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2009 8:38 AM GMT
    I believe in monogamy, but I also believe that some people are incapable of it. The problem is a difference in expectations. I think a lot of relationships start out with the assumption that strict monogamy is the name of the game, but you might save yourself the eventual heartache if you have that talk once a commitment is made.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2009 9:15 AM GMT
    to OP: it is not wrong of you to expect this of a gay male. this easily applies to straight people as well. yes, it is possible still possible to find committed relationships, but like all good things it will take time and work.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2009 3:07 PM GMT
    Oh wow, I don't know where you guys even find decent guys to date. Even if I found that elusive gay I think it would be his cheating that would break up the relationship, it just seems to be the way of the 21st century unfortunately.
  • JaxCntrl

    Posts: 8

    Dec 02, 2009 3:13 PM GMT
    We just celebrated 4 wonderful years yesterday icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2009 3:15 PM GMT
    No it's not possible. They are all doomed to failure