LONG-TERM GAY MONOGAMY

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2009 8:33 PM GMT
    any long-term gay couples who have never had ANY kind of sexual indiscretion or arrangement or 3-way?
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    Nov 28, 2009 3:24 AM GMT
    Yep.
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    Nov 28, 2009 3:43 AM GMT
    I suppose we need to define "long-term" for this thread. I've never been partnered for more than 3 years. The first ended tragically with his death, and my current began not so long ago. But during neither of them were either of us not monogamous.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Nov 28, 2009 3:45 AM GMT
    unicorns-rainbow.jpg


    Actually there are a lot of us guys here that believe in a monogamous LTR but I still feel like it's a minority.
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    Nov 28, 2009 4:02 AM GMT
    A hot 25 year old messaged me the other night on another site, and he asked me for a hook-up. I told him I am not into that and am strictly LTR orientated. He didn't know what "LTR" meant.

    I died a little inside.
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    Nov 28, 2009 4:53 AM GMT
    What else is there besides monogamy LTR's? icon_eek.gif

    There's something else?!

    icon_surprised.gif
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    Nov 28, 2009 5:03 AM GMT
    Ganymede80 saidA hot 25 year old messaged me the other night on another site, and he asked me for a hook-up. I told him I am not into that and am strictly LTR orientated. He didn't know what "LTR" meant.

    I died a little inside.



    A faceless 29 year old asked me what my price was the other day. Seriously, how much I was asking for. When I dreamed of being Satine in Moulin Rouge this is not what I had in mind icon_sad.gif
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Nov 28, 2009 5:16 AM GMT
    Soulasphyxi saidWhat else is there besides monogamy LTR's? icon_eek.gif

    There's something else?!

    icon_surprised.gif


    Unfortunately in the eyes of many others, yes. It's to the point where I have no models to look up to. Every couple I know either incorporates others sexually or their relationships really are just strong friendships that share paying the bills. It seems in my sphere, sex is an all or nothing (have sex with anyone or have sex with nobody not even the significant other). Sad really, but I don't know how it will ever change for the better at this point.
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    Nov 28, 2009 5:23 AM GMT
    I've been with my partner for 14 years. We weren't with other guys until about five years into our relationship. We continue to do it, because it's fun. Nothing more, nothing less. I think people try to read more into it than they need to. Also everybody's relationship is different. What works for us may not work for you.
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    Nov 28, 2009 5:39 AM GMT
    Mike85284 saidI've been with my partner for 14 years. We weren't with other guys until about five years into our relationship. We continue to do it, because it's fun. Nothing more, nothing less. I think people try to read more into it than they need to. Also everybody's relationship is different. What works for us may not work for you.


    Well said. I think it is important to know what you want, but also why you really want it. There are many different kinds of relationship structures some traditional, some not so traditional but the fact remains, they can all work.
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    Nov 28, 2009 5:41 AM GMT
    Ciarsolo7 said
    Ganymede80 saidA hot 25 year old messaged me the other night on another site, and he asked me for a hook-up. I told him I am not into that and am strictly LTR orientated. He didn't know what "LTR" meant.

    I died a little inside.



    A faceless 29 year old asked me what my price was the other day. Seriously, how much I was asking for. When I dreamed of being Satine in Moulin Rouge this is not what I had in mind icon_sad.gif


    Would it make you feel better if I told you I would rob Fort Knox for you?
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    Nov 28, 2009 5:57 AM GMT
    Ganymede80 said
    Ciarsolo7 said
    Ganymede80 saidA hot 25 year old messaged me the other night on another site, and he asked me for a hook-up. I told him I am not into that and am strictly LTR orientated. He didn't know what "LTR" meant.

    I died a little inside.



    A faceless 29 year old asked me what my price was the other day. Seriously, how much I was asking for. When I dreamed of being Satine in Moulin Rouge this is not what I had in mind icon_sad.gif


    Would it make you feel better if I told you I would rob Fort Knox for you?


    You can give me a shiny nickel robbie and it'll make me feel better <3
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    Nov 28, 2009 5:59 AM GMT
    Ciarsolo7 saidYou can give me a shiny nickel robbie and it'll make me feel better <3


    All the nickels in the world, Miguel. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 28, 2009 6:03 AM GMT
    Ganymede80 said
    Ciarsolo7 saidYou can give me a shiny nickel robbie and it'll make me feel better <3


    All the nickels in the world, Miguel. icon_biggrin.gif


    I may need to charter that jet and steal you away myself icon_twisted.gif
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    Nov 28, 2009 6:04 AM GMT
    Bags are all packed and ready to go.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Nov 28, 2009 6:22 AM GMT

    Nah ... when I'm with a guy ... I'm all his.
  • bobrusso

    Posts: 18

    Nov 28, 2009 6:36 AM GMT
    Monogamy is what you make it. I look at the pics on here. My partner likes his x-rated mags. (Mamma always said "It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home.) Some would consider that cheating. Physically we are at 13 years and going strong with monogamy and sex between us is pretty good. Our kids make it tough and quick sometimes, but that is what we have chosen for our lives. Whatever you choose in your relationship, keep an open dialogue with truth and trust. Monogamy is only what YOU put into the relationship.
  • rdberg1957

    Posts: 662

    Nov 28, 2009 7:15 AM GMT
    I think it is very important for gay men to know that there are options which require conscious choice. A lot of heartache in relationships happens because issues were not discussed enough so that each party knows what the other means by monogamy. I am not interested in monogamy for it's own sake as the only option. I value monogamy if it brings a closeness with my partner I would not otherwise have.
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    Nov 28, 2009 9:54 AM GMT
    I sometimes wonder if part of the reason it appears that open relationships are in the majority is because people who tend to be monogamous long-term might also be more comfortable being single or more cautious to develop a relationship.

    I have only been on a few dates, ever, and have had only one relationship (3-5 years depending on how you count the last year of breakup-then-try-again-then-realize-we-had-it-right-at-the-first-breakup). The most astonishing thing to me was to discover that I seemed naturally monogamous. I always imagined myself to be liberal and rational and therefore not bound by traditional morality, but it turned out the whole time we were together I really had no interest in anyone else. Morality was irrelevant; it was purely a function of psychology. Even when I found someone else visually attractive, I never truly believed that any amount of lustful novelty could possibly be as creative, intense, or satisfying as a well-developed intimacy.

    I think of it in terms of listening to music:
    Hooking up is like scrolling through your music library on your computer or iPod, picking the song you want to hear right now, then, when it finishes, scrolling through your music library and picking another song you want to hear right now, then when that one finishes, scrolling through your music library and picking another song you want to hear right now, and then another, and another and another. Yes, you're always hearing the song you want to hear right now, but after a while, having to constantly think about and search for the next song becomes tedious, and you don't get that uniquely pleasant experience of unexpectedly hearing an old favorite you hadn't thought of in a while.
    Having a passionate, well-practiced intimacy is like building a playlist with hundreds of your favorite songs, some sappy, some somber, some manic, some aggressive, some bombastic, some groovy, etc., and then hitting the Random button. Because it's your music, you already know that every song you're going to hear is one you enjoy, and if you really took the time to build your playlist with care, you also know that the songs you hear will generally be a pleasing musical accompaniment to what you're doing, and will mix together well more often than not. But the order of the songs is all the more delightful because you can't ever know in advance exactly which one of your many favorites you're going to hear next.


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    Nov 28, 2009 10:15 AM GMT
    My partner and I have been together for 27 years...been with him since I was 23. We agreed in the beginning to a monogmous realationship and realized it would take work, so we make sure if one of us begins to get bored with the other, we talk about it and change things up. (ie, not spending enough time together, sex needs updating, household issues, doing something special or romantic for the other). We believe that good communication works for us....and it does! (still excited to see each other at the end of the day!)
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    Nov 28, 2009 10:57 AM GMT
    SportingChance saidI sometimes wonder if part of the reason it appears that open relationships are in the majority is because people who tend to be monogamous long-term might also be more comfortable being single or more cautious to develop a relationship.

    I have only been on a few dates, ever, and have had only one relationship (3-5 years depending on how you count the last year of breakup-then-try-again-then-realize-we-had-it-right-at-the-first-breakup). The most astonishing thing to me was to discover that I seemed naturally monogamous. I always imagined myself to be liberal and rational and therefore not bound by traditional morality, but it turned out the whole time we were together I really had no interest in anyone else. Morality was irrelevant; it was purely a function of psychology. Even when I found someone else visually attractive, I never truly believed that any amount of lustful novelty could possibly be as creative, intense, or satisfying as a well-developed intimacy.

    I think of it in terms of listening to music:
    Hooking up is like scrolling through your music library on your computer or iPod, picking the song you want to hear right now, then, when it finishes, scrolling through your music library and picking another song you want to hear right now, then when that one finishes, scrolling through your music library and picking another song you want to hear right now, and then another, and another and another. Yes, you're always hearing the song you want to hear right now, but after a while, having to constantly think about and search for the next song becomes tedious, and you don't get that uniquely pleasant experience of unexpectedly hearing an old favorite you hadn't thought of in a while.
    Having a passionate, well-practiced intimacy is like building a playlist with hundreds of your favorite songs, some sappy, some somber, some manic, some aggressive, some bombastic, some groovy, etc., and then hitting the Random button. Because it's your music, you already know that every song you're going to hear is one you enjoy, and if you really took the time to build your playlist with care, you also know that the songs you hear will generally be a pleasing musical accompaniment to what you're doing, and will mix together well more often than not. But the order of the songs is all the more delightful because you can't ever know in advance exactly which one of your many favorites you're going to hear next.




    Well said! icon_smile.gif I especially liked the music reference
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    Nov 28, 2009 11:04 AM GMT
    My partner and I have been together for going on 14 years, and monogamous.

    We had one tough period around the 8 year mark, sorta broke up (i.e. slept in different bedrooms of our house) but then started (with professional help) to work through issues we had been ignoring.


    I think one reason that couples, especially monogamous ones, become invisible is that they don't go out as much (they're not on the prowl) and that can often also translate to less involvement with the gay community in general. I recall one gay couple who had recently become fathers remark that they tended to spend more time with other families with young children (i.e. mostly straights and some lesbians).
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    Nov 28, 2009 11:50 AM GMT
    Yep - going on 21 years now.
  • MikemikeMike

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    Nov 28, 2009 12:12 PM GMT
    tallhairy saidany long-term gay couples who have never had ANY kind of sexual indiscretion or arrangement or 3-way?


    Got to give this one a few weeks, but I wouldn't bank on it being the majority. Also you have to have a margin of error for those who believe they are in monagamous relationship when in fact they are not! A very close friend of mine was heart broken to find his ex had another complete relationship going on behind his back. His ex used the excuse he was on trips for work while he actually went on vacation with this other guy. What a douche he lost a great guy.
  • MikemikeMike

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    Nov 28, 2009 12:17 PM GMT
    Mike85284 saidI've been with my partner for 14 years. We weren't with other guys until about five years into our relationship. We continue to do it, because it's fun. Nothing more, nothing less. I think people try to read more into it than they need to. Also everybody's relationship is different. What works for us may not work for you.


    Bravo- when I say things like this guys write back and say I have a negative attitude toward relationships-not true I am very happy in mine. It's just I am a realist.