Roommate Help

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2009 5:21 AM GMT
    Hi everyone-

    I was wondering if you could give me some advice as to how to go about telling my roommate I don't want to live with her anymore as she constantly invades herself in my private life and she is extremely bossy and rude and I'm just very sick of her... I'm looking for an apt by myself and was just curious as to how to do it in a nice way. We've been friends for a long time

    thanks

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2009 5:25 AM GMT
    Just bring it up to her in a very calm manner and express your genuine concern for your own behavior and her's. Be sincere about it, though. She'll see right through the facade.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2009 7:34 AM GMT
    Is that her in your profile pic? icon_lol.gif

    Just tell her this..

    Hey, I'm gonna move out at the end of the month. Lately, I've been feeling like I need some personal space, so that I can concentrate on my school work.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2009 3:11 PM GMT
    I agree with xrichx above or something to that nature. No need to air dirty laundry. Assuming she is a friend and you want to keep it that way, give her a fair chance to find another roommate - she may not be in the same financial position as you.

    Not to mention be sure you've fulfilled your lease obligations if you've signed any . We would hate to see the two of you on Judge Judy :-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2009 3:18 PM GMT
    First of all I'd give her more then a one month notice. Maybe 2. If you are really good friends and want to remain so, give her as much time as you can. Even if this is a good renter's market, she'll still be a bit shocked by this (and maybe a little hurt), so to soften the blow, I'd tell her that you've reached a point where you need to live on your own. As much as you loved living with her, you want your own space. Anything more then that and you risk the danger of really hurting her feelings. If it was a matter of not taking the garbage out, you could just tell her straight up, but this is about who she is as a person and that stuff doesn't change. So be nice about it, and while she might be mad at first, she'll come around eventually.

    Good luck!
  • Mako_Shark

    Posts: 222

    Nov 28, 2009 3:20 PM GMT
    Tell her you found me, and that we're moving in together. I'll play along with the story icon_smile.gif (sorry, I had to)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2009 3:31 PM GMT
    "It's been fun, bye."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2009 3:58 PM GMT
    ucla_matta said"It's been fun, bye."


    Oh you're so sensitive! LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2009 4:00 PM GMT
    "get the fuck out" sounds pretty nice to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2009 4:03 PM GMT
    tell her you've reached a point in your life where you're clear that you need a place of your own... if the nice route doesn't work, tell her you love her as a friend, but as a roommate, she's a nosy cunt. icon_twisted.gif
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    Nov 28, 2009 4:03 PM GMT
    I've had a couple of friends in the same situation you are with a female roommate. Theirs were very happy to "play house" with the "husband". Depending on how stable and mature she is, this could either be a pretty painless transition or it could end up dramatic.

    As with most things, just be honest and tell her.
    - This scenario is really not working out.
    - While it has been really great being roommates, I am at a point in my life where I need my own space.
    - You are a good friend and I want it to stay that way. However, if we continue living together that may be jeopardized and I value the relationship we have too much to let that happen.

    Be matter of fact and try to keep emotion and being personal out of it. She may well be upset with you, especially if she has become comfortable in the role of the "wife", or if she, like a lot of girls, ends up in love with the gay man she will never have.

    Even if she blows up, she will eventually come around as a friend and be supportive of you. If she cannot do that and she scuttles the friendship, then she is selfish and cares more about interfering in your life and possessing you than she does being your friend. Would you really want someone like that in your life and in your home?

  • SwimNP

    Posts: 50

    Nov 28, 2009 4:13 PM GMT
    I was in a similar situation with a girl/friend/roommate. I would contact the leasing office and make sure that they haven't "autosigned" you. Some places do this if your lease is almost up and you didn't give them a 2-months notice, then you have to pay a penalty for moving out. You might be okay with that, but I doubt your roommate will be (unless you pay her portion).

    If you have more than two months till the end of your lease let her know now. You both have to go down to the office to finalize it. People already gave good advance about how to bring it up.



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    Nov 28, 2009 5:43 PM GMT
    running11 saidHi everyone-

    I was wondering if you could give me some advice as to how to go about telling my roommate I don't want to live with her anymore as she constantly invades herself in my private life and she is extremely bossy and rude and I'm just very sick of her... I'm looking for an apt by myself and was just curious as to how to do it in a nice way. We've been friends for a long time

    thanks



    Stop. Take the emotion out of it. You are behaving like a girl. She only needs to know one thing, which will keep drama at a minimum: the day you plan to move out. Save the explanations on someone who cares.

    Tell her you are moving out. Give her the date. Leave it at that. There's absolutely NO VALUE added in a long drawn out drama. There is no point in going on and on about what you see as her character flaws. You've decided you don't want to live with her, and leave it at that. Behave properly, like a grown up, instead of a 12 year old.
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    Nov 28, 2009 5:51 PM GMT
    chuckystud said
    running11 saidHi everyone-

    I was wondering if you could give me some advice as to how to go about telling my roommate I don't want to live with her anymore as she constantly invades herself in my private life and she is extremely bossy and rude and I'm just very sick of her... I'm looking for an apt by myself and was just curious as to how to do it in a nice way. We've been friends for a long time

    thanks



    Stop. Take the emotion out of it. You are behaving like a girl. She only needs to know one thing, which will keep drama at a minimum: the day you plan to move out. Save the explanations on someone who cares.

    Tell her you are moving out. Give her the date. Leave it at that. There's absolutely NO VALUE added in a long drawn out drama. There is no point in going on and on about what you see as her character flaws. You've decided you don't want to live with her, and leave it at that. Behave properly, like a grown up, instead of a 12 year old.



    Perfect. I love this advice -- avoid drama. I have good friends I could never, ever live with. So what? Some I can't even share a hotel room with for more than one night. And I have no problem telling him why: "I love you bud, but I hate waiting for you to take a 65-minute shower when I just want to brush my teeth." Or whatever. If he can't laugh at that, we're not going to be friends for long.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2009 5:54 PM GMT
    Just say this, " Ok, i'm 20 yrs old, single, gay, and my hormones are flying through the roof. Unless you want to hear man on man sex more often, get the hell out"
  • inuman

    Posts: 733

    Nov 28, 2009 5:56 PM GMT
    chuckystud said
    running11 saidHi everyone-

    I was wondering if you could give me some advice as to how to go about telling my roommate I don't want to live with her anymore as she constantly invades herself in my private life and she is extremely bossy and rude and I'm just very sick of her... I'm looking for an apt by myself and was just curious as to how to do it in a nice way. We've been friends for a long time

    thanks



    Stop. Take the emotion out of it. You are behaving like a girl. She only needs to know one thing, which will keep drama at a minimum: the day you plan to move out. Save the explanations on someone who cares.

    Tell her you are moving out. Give her the date. Leave it at that. There's absolutely NO VALUE added in a long drawn out drama. There is no point in going on and on about what you see as her character flaws. You've decided you don't want to live with her, and leave it at that. Behave properly, like a grown up, instead of a 12 year old.




    I totally agree with this guy, keep it short and simple. I've had to kick out my fair share of people in the past. Give her proper notice as per your area landlord & tenant act. Tell her you're moving out. Don't make it up to be a big drama filled move, after all you said it your self "I'm a 20 y.o. college student who isn't into bs or drama. I'm mature for my age..." so be mature about it, this isn't playing house, just tell her, I'm moving out and giving notice. I'll be gone by DD/MM/YY that simple.

    After you've moved and settled than you can get all drama with her as to why you moved. icon_twisted.gif



    Here is the link for the Uniform Residential Landlord and Tenant Act.

    http://www.law.upenn.edu/bll/archives/ulc/fnact99/1970s/urlta72.htm
  • Mikeylikesit

    Posts: 1021

    Nov 28, 2009 6:13 PM GMT
    Its sounds to me like she has become your fag hag!!....LMAO
    icon_eek.gificon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2009 7:14 PM GMT
    It's not me it's you
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    Nov 28, 2009 7:58 PM GMT
    One other thing, the saying goes, absence makes the heart fonder. If this person truly is your friend / fag hag, you would do both yourself and her a favor by not making it personal and giving a list of reasons you don't want to live with her. Many of us could never live with our best friends. The saying also goes that you can get too much of a good thing.

    Keep it professional. It's business. You don't want to live with her; you've made your decision; time to get stuff done.

    You may well find your friendship could deepen if you just don't even mention a thing about all her / your icky mannerisms. Make the break, and keep it pleasant. If she decides to engage you, tell her you value your friendship and don't think you can remain friends living with her, without any character analysis. There are no winners if the two of you go on a fault finding mission. Plan for success; not misery.

    I assure you, if you handle this appropriately, your friend will remain your friend, there won't be much drama, and not much hurt. If you start lashing out like a little gay boy, you invite nothing but grief. Man up, and do it the right way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2009 8:16 PM GMT
    just go on and find your place, once you have something set up. give her a 30 days notice and say that you are moving into a new place and for what reason. maybe say you are at a point in your life where you want to try living alone. i don't know if you need to be completely truthful with how you feel about living with her, but give her other examples of why you are getting your own place.
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    Nov 28, 2009 8:26 PM GMT
    ChicagoBriGuy said As with most things, just be honest and tell her.
    - This scenario is really not working out.
    - While it has been really great being roommates, I am at a point in my life where I need my own space.
    - You are a good friend and I want it to stay that way. However, if we continue living together that may be jeopardized and I value the relationship we have too much to let that happen.


    Why go into the personality issues when it's enough to say "I think I need my own space?" That is a legitimate feeling that should be readily understood by anyone.
    The future of the friendship, if any, should be left to work itself out after the move. But the chances of staying friends won't be helped by detailing her character flaws.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 28, 2009 8:27 PM GMT
    I agree with some of whats been said above. Certainly give her notice your moving out, even give some defference to her needs and schedule.. after all, she is a friend.

    As far as a reason, no need to create an issue, I'd just say you need the space, you need some time to work on you.
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Nov 28, 2009 8:29 PM GMT
    practice role playing the situation out. it can give you an idea of what to and not to say and how to say it.
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    Nov 28, 2009 8:45 PM GMT
    you can´t just give no reason: too cold. But don´t make a big deal about it. If she has a dramatic (rather than just sad) reaction then you know that she is unbalanced about the relationship and it´s even more important for you to get some space. Just tell her the truth: not necessarily ALL of it, but that you want space and independence. DON¨T start on "you do this that I don´t like etc" Stick on YOU and the "positives". And move.
  • josephmovie

    Posts: 533

    Nov 28, 2009 9:20 PM GMT
    There's a great excuse just around the corner - New Year!

    Don't go into the personal reasons, it will just get ugly. Just tell her that you've been feeling restless for a while and want to get your own place. You know, new yaer, time for change, fresh start, all of that.

    And don't move in with friends again okay? Move in with friends, move out as enemies.