Total Package and Still Single? Hmm.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2009 6:36 PM GMT
    I have looked and read lots of pics and profiles over the past two weeks. Based on this info, most guys between 30-45 seem to have it all, "total package". Many use the term, "total package". So why are they still single? Is it because they want to be or some other reason?
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    Nov 29, 2009 6:40 PM GMT
    what 'package' are they referring to?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2009 6:42 PM GMT
    sometimes a total package is just pretty wrapping with lots of air inside icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Nov 29, 2009 6:50 PM GMT
    deimos66329 saidI have looked and read lots of pics and profiles over the past two weeks. Based on this info, most guys between 30-45 seem to have it all, "total package". Many use the term, "total package". So why are they still single? Is it because they want to be or some other reason?

    Having read your profile, and your previous posts, I sense that you are timid about fully coming out. Which is fine in my book, because I don't know your personal circumstances, that might make coming out suicidal.

    "Total package" is less the issue than total acceptance. When you have the one, you might have the other. Which is arbitrary anyway, and nothing I consider.

    So what are you? Closeted? In deep denial? Still dealing with a straight marriage? You tell us so little, it's difficult to advise you.
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    Nov 29, 2009 7:03 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa said
    deimos66329 saidI have looked and read lots of pics and profiles over the past two weeks. Based on this info, most guys between 30-45 seem to have it all, "total package". Many use the term, "total package". So why are they still single? Is it because they want to be or some other reason?

    Having read your profile, and your previous posts, I sense that you are timid about fully coming out. Which is fine in my book, because I don't know your personal circumstances, that might make coming out suicidal.

    "Total package" is less the issue than total acceptance. When you have the one, you might have the other. Which is arbitrary anyway, and nothing I consider.

    So what are you? Closeted? In deep denial? Still dealing with a straight marriage? You tell us so little, it's difficult to advise you.


    Your "sense" is correct about not going public. Having read my profile the opening words in "About Me, are Inexperienced and have not gone public."

    RJ is the first place that I have been able to speak freely as a gay man. For me, " I am a work in progress." The forum, and the dialogue, such as yours, has helped me to reach a better understanding as to what it is for me to be a gay man. I just have to go slower than most. Thanks for the insightful comments.

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    Nov 29, 2009 7:07 PM GMT
    total refers to whatever the poster considers to be "total".
    so, pretty meaningless to anyone else.

    [facetious]
    it could refer to someone who's : kind, generous, loves life and tells you "don't be shy, drop a line"... followed by : please no fems, no fats, no olds, no smokers, no shorts, no blacks, no asians ... and the list goes on till you're reduced to more or less 22 , 6ft tall, blond, ripped and single., which in their mind means "total package" .

    joking of course, but really, some profiles are funny.
    you'll see all kinds.
    i was surprised to meet quite a few accomplished athletes though, and that was pleasant. icon_smile.gif







  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2009 7:25 PM GMT
    deimos66329 saidYour "sense" is correct about not going public. Having read my profile the opening words in "About Me, are Inexperienced and have not gone public."

    RJ is the first place that I have been able to speak freely as a gay man. For me, " I am a work in progress." The forum, and the dialogue, such as yours, has helped me to reach a better understanding as to what it is for me to be a gay man. I just have to go slower than most. Thanks for the insightful comments.

    Then tell us how we can help you. Either in threads or in private emails.

    A "work in progress" is perfectly fine. I was there once myself, in my late 40s. That's what might make me "insightful" because I was there, too.

    Been there, done that. And other guys here, as well. Please ask us whatever you want. I'm not sure this "total package" thing is where you need to be focused, but if you are concentrated on it, perhaps someone else here can answer you better than me.
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    Nov 29, 2009 7:29 PM GMT
    xassantex saidtotal refers to whatever the poster considers to be "total".
    so, pretty meaningless to anyone else.

    [facetious]
    it could refer to someone who's : kind, generous, loves life and tells you "don't be shy, drop a line"... followed by : please no fems, no fats, no olds, no smokers, no shorts, no blacks, no asians ... and the list goes on till you're reduced to more or less 22 , 6ft tall, blond, ripped and single., which in their mind means "total package" .

    joking of course, but really, some profiles are funny.
    you'll see all kinds.
    i was surprised to meet quite a few accomplished athletes though, and that was pleasant. icon_smile.gif

    A good point Xassantex. The profiles in general had;
    Professional, Athletic, Healthy Lifestyle, Active and Energetic, Have Friends and looking to make more, Layed Back and Easy Going, Even Tempered.

    Something along those lines. Hope this helps. Thanks again.









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    Nov 29, 2009 7:31 PM GMT
    it´s easy. either it´s internal or external.

    Internal being something inside the guy´s head which makes it impossible for him to settle regardless of how "perfect" he is, external would some outside factor which has prevented it. In both cases you have to embrace your issue and work through it. Or stay lonely.
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    Nov 29, 2009 7:42 PM GMT
    “Total packages”, is subjective and rarely the case.

    I often ask the ”total package” if he is on any meds—never disappointed with the answers.
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    Nov 29, 2009 7:58 PM GMT
    Dustin I just blurched coffee on the keyboard. Thanks. icon_rolleyes.gif

    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    -Doug
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    Nov 29, 2009 8:10 PM GMT
    In my experience, the guys who proclaim themselves 'the total package' are not, while guys who are don't both telling you so. And really, total packagedom, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. The most useful thing about a guy telling you he's the total package is that he's really telling you what he considers perfect.
  • GQjock

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    Nov 29, 2009 8:27 PM GMT
    What's one man's "total package" might be someone else's carry on icon_cool.gif
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Nov 29, 2009 9:48 PM GMT
    I think it has to do with maturity.[if your smart]
    Once you get to a certain age you should know what you want but most importantly what you dont want..!!!!!!!! So one tends to wait and remain single and not settle for something less............icon_idea.gif
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    Nov 30, 2009 2:42 AM GMT
    I think someone that considers themselves "the total package" sounds like a car salesmen. I'd rather have a used vehicle that I know what's wrong with it and what needs 'worked on' than someone selling this supposed total package.
    total package=someone blowing smoke up your a$$ to sell themselvesicon_idea.gif
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    Nov 30, 2009 2:47 AM GMT
    I think it's partially economic.

    Total package means good job, means financial independence and a high priority on career.

    I'm not saying those things make a long-term relationship impossible, but sometimes need is a pretty good midwife to sustainability, and two people with high-intensity careers might not get to spend a whole lot of time together.
  • HndsmKansan

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    Nov 30, 2009 2:47 AM GMT
    I like packages, "total", "Christmas" or otherwise.. LOL
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    Nov 30, 2009 2:51 AM GMT
    "full package" has a different meaning for everyone...

    it seems like no one has addressed the man's question though.

    They probably fear commitment, or just want to hook-up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2009 2:55 AM GMT
    A car salesman will tell you the car is fully loaded.

    A guy on a dating site will tell you he is a total package.

  • coolarmydude

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    Nov 30, 2009 3:02 AM GMT
    A real total package doesn't label themselves as such because the label requires some humility. With that said, I've met or known less than a handful of what I consider a total package. Unfortunately, they were all straight (I assume). My former boss might have been bi because he would always vicariously envy me for being young and single. He was only a few years older than me.
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    Nov 30, 2009 3:02 AM GMT
    someone once told me that it is more difficult for the "top 5%" to date because they are looking around for the other top 5%. everyone else in the middle has an easier time dating because there is a larger number to pull from. maybe that is why?
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Nov 30, 2009 3:08 AM GMT
    I might be giving too much credit to the profiles that use the word "total package" but I usually interpret the statement to mean "one that has everything needed in life" except one to share it with.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Nov 30, 2009 3:09 AM GMT
    Now this...is a total package!

    F25-2509204-4100bg.jpg
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    Nov 30, 2009 3:14 AM GMT
    icon_eek.gif dammit. This thread is funny as hellicon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
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    Nov 30, 2009 3:15 AM GMT
    Well, now we have an interesting possibility. The OP noted that most men on here who are single seem to be the "total package", yet are single. You make a very good point about the difficulty of the top 5% dating due to a small universe of comparable men.

    But that wouldn't explain why most men on the site are single - only the top 5%.

    So really, that suggests that perhaps 90% of men perceive themselves to be in the top 5%, much like over 40% of Americans believe they are in the top 10% of earners.

    Sounds like we're on to something.

    jprswim saidsomeone once told me that it is more difficult for the "top 5%" to date because they are looking around for the other top 5%. everyone else in the middle has an easier time dating because there is a larger number to pull from. maybe that is why?