He's moving in with his boyfriend... Advice needed

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2009 11:59 PM GMT
    I met this amazing guy a while ago and foolishly fell for him. After about 2 months of hanging out and getting to know each other I suddenly find out he has a boyfriend.

    At first I was upset, but then I realized he never said he was single, I just assumed, so I got over it and settled for being just friends.

    However one night we were watching a movie alone and he comes on to me and we end up sleeping together, and from then on we would only hook up when we hung out. When I asked about his bf he simply said he was bored of sleeping with him and enjoyed sleeping with me.

    Now though, I find out through a mutual friend that he is thinking about moving in with his guy, and understandably I'm most upset. I know it's my fault for being his...mistress...but I just don't understand why he won't leave his guy!

    What should I do?!
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    Nov 30, 2009 12:34 AM GMT
    Dumping him. I hate drama and homewrecker
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    Nov 30, 2009 12:35 AM GMT

    If having sex with you every time you hang out is "friends" in your book, I can't fault the guy. It's almost entrapment. I mean, you catch him in a deception and still give him exactly what he wants. You're kinda wild aren't you?

    Wild flowers. They grow free and clear. No one puts them in a vase, no one sells them in a store, and no one keeps them out where guests can see. They go to a florist for that "show piece". In private the scent of the wildflower is just as sweet and it's beauty comparable. But alas, a wild flower is sooo common.

    Get yourself up, straighten up, don't slouch. Say what you want and stand by it; don't make yourself available for any Joe Smoe who drives by the field you gown in. Grow thorns, become temperamental, blossom at odd times....become exclusive. If you cease to be showered with love and affection, whither and die. Blossom again only when the next suitor is worthy. LOL, it's exhausting, I've died so many times.





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    Nov 30, 2009 12:36 AM GMT
    What the hell are you doing with this fool?
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    Nov 30, 2009 12:36 AM GMT
    Forget about this guy and move on. Really, would you want to be with a guy who is screwing someone else on the side? Who doesn't mention his bf in the 2 months you were hanging out? Who moves in with the guy he's tired of sleeping with?

    Flags are being waved here very frantically. Move. On.
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    Nov 30, 2009 12:38 AM GMT
    You knew he had boyfriend and slept with him. Oh Godicon_rolleyes.gif
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Nov 30, 2009 12:39 AM GMT
    You're better than this. Your time is too important to be entangled in this mess. Leave and things will be okay.
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    Nov 30, 2009 12:39 AM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    If having sex with you every time you hang out is "friends" in your book, I can't fault the guy. It's almost entrapment. I mean, you catch him in a deception and still give him exactly what he wants. You're kinda wild aren't you?

    Wild flowers. They grow free and clear. No one puts them in a vase, no one sells them in a store, and no one keeps them out where guests can see. They go to a florist for that "show piece". In private the scent of the wildflower is just as sweet and it's beauty comparable. But alas, a wild flower is sooo common.

    Get yourself up, straighten up, don't slouch. Say what you want and stand by it; don't make yourself available for any Joe Smoe who drives by the field you gown in. Grow thorns, become temperamental, blossom at odd times....become exclusive. If you cease to be showered with love and affection, whither and die. Blossom again only when the next suitor is worthy. LOL, it's exhausting, I've died so many times.


    That was rather beautiful.
  • pandx970

    Posts: 357

    Nov 30, 2009 12:43 AM GMT
    abm1985 said
    GuiltyGear said
    If having sex with you every time you hang out is "friends" in your book, I can't fault the guy. It's almost entrapment. I mean, you catch him in a deception and still give him exactly what he wants. You're kinda wild aren't you?

    Wild flowers. They grow free and clear. No one puts them in a vase, no one sells them in a store, and no one keeps them out where guests can see. They go to a florist for that "show piece". In private the scent of the wildflower is just as sweet and it's beauty comparable. But alas, a wild flower is sooo common.

    Get yourself up, straighten up, don't slouch. Say what you want and stand by it; don't make yourself available for any Joe Smoe who drives by the field you gown in. Grow thorns, become temperamental, blossom at odd times....become exclusive. If you cease to be showered with love and affection, whither and die. Blossom again only when the next suitor is worthy. LOL, it's exhausting, I've died so many times.


    That was rather beautiful.


    agreed to the beautiful. love the extended use of the metaphore.

    to the OP: dump. your. "friends". butt.
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    Nov 30, 2009 12:45 AM GMT
    Strangely, I take a different view than the posts above. If he's just tricking with you, and you enjoy tricking with him, then continue. His "infidelity" with his BF is his problem, not yours. And maybe if he does move in with him, it's merely a matter of financial convenience, a way to cut costs, nothing more.

    BUT, if you're emotionally attached to this guy, or in danger of becoming so, then cut your loses and dump him. He's clearly not a 1-man kind of guy, and if that's what you need, then he's not for you.

    On the other hand, if you just want "mindless sex" as my gay mentor used to call it, seems like a good deal to me. So you decide what it is you want, and act accordingly. Simple tricking - keep him. A relationship - dump him and move on.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Nov 30, 2009 12:45 AM GMT
    TheIStrat saidWhat the hell are you doing with this fool?


    Correction: What the hell are you doing?
  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    Nov 30, 2009 12:47 AM GMT
    You want him to leave his boyfriend for you? Let's say he does. What kind of relationship will it be if in the back of your mind you know your boyfriend is capable of straying from you as easily as he did from his former love?

    And if he does end up cheating on you, you cannot feign ignorance. After all, you knew it from the beginning. So save yourself the headache and fall in love with another man. A good man.
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    Nov 30, 2009 1:04 AM GMT
    Red_Vespa saidStrangely, I take a different view than the posts above. If he's just tricking with you, and you enjoy tricking with him, then continue. His "infidelity" with his BF is his problem, not yours. And maybe if he does move in with him, it's merely a matter of financial convenience, a way to cut costs, nothing more.

    BUT, if you're emotionally attached to this guy, or in danger of becoming so, then cut your loses and dump him. He's clearly not a 1-man kind of guy, and if that's what you need, then he's not for you.

    On the other hand, if you just want "mindless sex" as my gay mentor used to call it, seems like a good deal to me. So you decide what it is you want, and act accordingly. Simple tricking - keep him. A relationship - dump him and move on.


    This ^^ is dead on. Couldn't have said it better myself.
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    Nov 30, 2009 1:16 AM GMT
    Rodmramer saidYou knew he had boyfriend and slept with him. Oh Godicon_rolleyes.gif


    Same thing I said. Then I had to look at his profile to see his age and that is when I understood why he is sleeping with someone who is involved already.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2009 1:19 AM GMT
    DCEric said
    TheIStrat saidWhat the hell are you doing with this fool?


    Correction: What the hell are you doing?


    SPOT ON DCEric! Why do we always seem to forget that the stuff we do tends to come back to us??!!?? Do you want to be dating someone only to find out as you're ready to move in with him that he's been sleeping with someone else? If not, then don't be the mistress. A mistress is like the punchline to a joke nobody told

    FURTHERMORE, why are you taking this guy seriously when it's so clear that he isn't giving you or his boyfriend the same consideration? You are nobody's silver medal so cut it out and stop acting like one.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Nov 30, 2009 1:23 AM GMT
    Well, just like on another thread, you're dating a guy that just happens to be dating another guy. Eventually if it's not called off by ANY party, someone is going to get hurt. You can take the upper hand and end it.

    Sometimes when I'm in a situation like this, I remember that my momma didn't suffer through child birth and raising me well, so that I could be treated so badly.
  • bobbymk

    Posts: 15

    Nov 30, 2009 1:24 AM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    If having sex with you every time you hang out is "friends" in your book, I can't fault the guy. It's almost entrapment. I mean, you catch him in a deception and still give him exactly what he wants. You're kinda wild aren't you?

    Wild flowers. They grow free and clear. No one puts them in a vase, no one sells them in a store, and no one keeps them out where guests can see. They go to a florist for that "show piece". In private the scent of the wildflower is just as sweet and it's beauty comparable. But alas, a wild flower is sooo common.

    Get yourself up, straighten up, don't slouch. Say what you want and stand by it; don't make yourself available for any Joe Smoe who drives by the field you gown in. Grow thorns, become temperamental, blossom at odd times....become exclusive. If you cease to be showered with love and affection, whither and die. Blossom again only when the next suitor is worthy. LOL, it's exhausting, I've died so many times.







    I almost teared up..... :p
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2009 1:29 AM GMT
    He won't leave this guy because he's getting something from him and he's getting something from you on the side with not consequences, so what is his motivation to not continue?
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    Nov 30, 2009 1:36 AM GMT
    bobbymk you are adorable

    nosuchperson....why don't we amend that statement to "no consequences YET" one minute it's fun and games and the next some pissed off boyfriend is standing by your car "waiting to exhale" ;-)
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    Nov 30, 2009 1:41 AM GMT
    True2Life said


    Not only is this guy caught on tape cheating on his girlfriend (who has a 5-year old son), investigators also discover he's been using a fake name and is about to get married to another woman. They crash the wedding and find out the fiancee's been duped as well.

    Comments about trashy reality TV aside, this video is like driving by a car accident and I couldn't stop watching it. Plus having been cheated on and lied to myself it was honestly kind of satisfying seeing someone directly called out on their lies, though I feel absolutely awful for the bride-to-be. This guy truly is the worst of the worst.


    This sounds like that ^^ waiting to happen.
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    Nov 30, 2009 1:49 AM GMT
    thatguy520 saidbobbymk you are adorable

    nosuchperson....why don't we amend that statement to "no consequences YET" one minute it's fun and games and the next some pissed off boyfriend is standing by your car "waiting to exhale" ;-)



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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2009 1:50 AM GMT

    thatguy520 said

    one minute it's fun and games and the next some pissed off boyfriend is standing by your car "waiting to exhale" ;-)


    Gaaaaoooouuullll, and it won't be to say, "good evening." icon_surprised.gif
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  • bmw0

    Posts: 588

    Nov 30, 2009 2:01 AM GMT
    You are young, mistakes will happen. I'm sure this guy told you exactly what you wanted to hear. If a guy has a boyfriend and don't tell you for two months there is also a problem. That is kind of a big thing to simply omit.

    If i were you i would tell him to get fucked and find a way to let his boyfriend know that he is a cheating bastard...
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    Nov 30, 2009 2:06 AM GMT
    icon_confused.gif be happy you had the fun you had, and move on as best you can. most of us have been through this in some form or other, unfortunately. If he enjoys being with you I'm sure he would still like to keep you on the side - but it sounds like an arrangement that will inevitably hurt you more in the end... so try to be practical about this if at all possible.
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    Nov 30, 2009 2:08 AM GMT
    jomach saidI met this amazing guy a while ago and foolishly fell for him. After about 2 months of hanging out and getting to know each other I suddenly find out he has a boyfriend.

    At first I was upset, but then I realized he never said he was single, I just assumed, so I got over it and settled for being just friends.

    However one night we were watching a movie alone and he comes on to me and we end up sleeping together, and from then on we would only hook up when we hung out. When I asked about his bf he simply said he was bored of sleeping with him and enjoyed sleeping with me.

    Now though, I find out through a mutual friend that he is thinking about moving in with his guy, and understandably I'm most upset. I know it's my fault for being his...mistress...but I just don't understand why he won't leave his guy!

    What should I do?!


    Boy, you enjoy misery don't you. You basically told you that you were his fuck buddy (mistresses are WOMEN) and you dove in head first.

    If you don't like it, move on. If you do like it, stay put.

    It's not for you to decide about his relationship with his boyfriend. Perhaps you should walk away, just because it would be the right and proper thing to do? He may well have a much deeper, otherwise very healthy, relationship with his boyfriend, or he may just be a tramp. Who knows? It's not anything you have control over, though. You only have control over you.

    Is this the best you can do? High drama situations where you let yourself become a sex object?

    In a world of 7 BILLION people, you're not doing good in the relationship department if this is the best you can do.

    You're the only one who can decide your next move.

    Generally, if you don't like the situation now, and given your reporting, why on earth would you want to CHOOSE to be miserable? There are other folks in the world that don't sleep around, that are deeper than just fuck buds. But, then, maybe that's you?