I think my best guy friend might "like like" me.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2009 2:37 AM GMT
    We have always been "just friends", very close friends, but no sex shenanigans.
    I've recently started picking up on signs that he might like me as more than a friend. My gut is telling me something is up and I'm noticing more and more signs that affirm that feeling.
    The thought of having to address this with him (which I wouldn't unless he broached the topic) makes me angry and sad because I could potentially lose my friend. But those are not the feelings I want to convey if I'm right. I want to be compassionate and loving because I love him and I never want to hurt him...

    This has never happened before, I have no perspective and feel a bit lost with this, any insight or feedback would be greatly appreciated.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Nov 30, 2009 2:42 AM GMT
    In my experience, once one person starts to cross the friendship line, the friendship will never be the same again. Not saying it's over, just things will change.
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    Nov 30, 2009 3:14 AM GMT
    So your friend is getting a crush on you? Lol, it'll pass; just be the same ol' you. icon_wink.gif

    ...how do you feel about him? Any sparks?
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    Nov 30, 2009 6:37 PM GMT
    There were sparks initially but we were both in precarious emotional places fresh out off our respective break-ups so we decided literally after our first talk that we didn't want to compromise our connection and that physical intimacy would just convolute things.
    So we muddled through that, was a bit awkward for both of us but we made it through and now we talk about everything... *everything*. For me the initial spark has fizzled and after the candid exchange of many things in confidence, I realize we would not be good as anything other than friends.
    He's very sensitive and shares so much with me. He isn't very open with many people and our emotional intimacy is unusual for him... and for me to a certain degree. I get crazy signals mostly when he has a bad date, had rough days or when things are broken off with someone he's been seeing. I think he feels so comfortable and safe in my company that he's just confused.
    I think I should not say anything, try to be sensitive and kind if it comes up and hope that it goes away.
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Nov 30, 2009 6:43 PM GMT
    This is my problem right now except Im on the other end.
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    Nov 30, 2009 6:56 PM GMT
    JP85257 saidThis is my problem right now except Im on the other end.

    Have you said anything to him?
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Nov 30, 2009 6:58 PM GMT
    EasilyDistracted said
    JP85257 saidThis is my problem right now except Im on the other end.

    Have you said anything to him?

    No and ive been on the verge of tears for a couple of days now.
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    Nov 30, 2009 7:06 PM GMT
    JP85257 said
    No and ive been on the verge of tears for a couple of days now.

    Is he seeing anyone? Do you have any idea if the feelings are mutual?
    Or rather... are there any circumstances that are keeping you from telling him?
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Nov 30, 2009 7:07 PM GMT
    I dont know how he feels. He isnt my best friend, but he is a good friend. He is talkin to someone online from Seattle like seriously. It just chaps my ass cause I dont feel like I was ever given a fair shake.
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    Nov 30, 2009 7:08 PM GMT
    JP85257 saidI dont know how he feels. He isnt my best friend, but he is a good friend. He is talkin to someone online from Seattle like seriously. It just chaps my ass cause I dont feel like I was ever given a fair shake.

    Do you hang out with him one on one?
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Nov 30, 2009 7:11 PM GMT
    EasilyDistracted said
    JP85257 saidI dont know how he feels. He isnt my best friend, but he is a good friend. He is talkin to someone online from Seattle like seriously. It just chaps my ass cause I dont feel like I was ever given a fair shake.

    Do you hang out with him one on one?

    Yah. We do. A lot actually. He is pretty cool, dont get me wrong. I just wasnt given a fair shake at all. He confides a lot in me about his ex boyfriend and what not (i dated the prick a couple of times). Its blah to me. Im sick of it.
  • gjoseph

    Posts: 250

    Nov 30, 2009 7:12 PM GMT
    Ughh same...except I'm on the other end as well. I would advise for you just to support your friend. Have you given him any mixed-messages? My friend always gives me mixed-messages which left me totally clueless and VERY emotional. If your friend get's too "feely" and crosses the friendship boundary maybe you could make limits or just tell him We are Friends. I wish my friend reminded me that we are just friends, which is something totally special. It will take time but I wish you and your friend the best of luck =)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2009 7:13 PM GMT
    This happened to me right after I moved out here to Cali. The first guy friend I made was really cool and we were getting a long great just as buds. Then all of a sudden he started getting all boyfriendy on me like we were dating. It made me very uncomfortable and when I told him that I really was only interested in being buds, he basically dumped me as a friend. I was really sad but what do you do. Now I see him out and about and he barely even says hi.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2009 7:20 PM GMT
    JP85257 said
    Yah. We do. A lot actually. He is pretty cool, dont get me wrong. I just wasnt given a fair shake at all. He confides a lot in me about his ex boyfriend and what not (i dated the prick a couple of times). Its blah to me. Im sick of it.

    Have you thought about saying something?
    As a guy on the other end there are a few things going in your favor, these are all things that make me feel conflicted about my friend. These are the reasons why I feel like if he expressed the desire for more I would have to seriously consider it.
    ---------1) You have established trust and a level of confidence and honesty that can't be ignored
    ---------2) When someone really "sees you" and still cares about you, it makes you take pause
    ---------3) *If* you were to pursue something more, you already have a level of comfort that is unlike anything you can have with someone you just met
    If it really is eating you up and you are willing to take the chance, I say put yourself out there. Be very, VERY clear about how you feel and let him decide. I have to say, if my friend made a solid argument and REALLY laid it out on the line (which isn't his style so *I* don't have to worry about that), I would probably give it a try.
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    Nov 30, 2009 7:29 PM GMT
    I'm on the same end as the OP xept my friend got back with his ex and things arent working so well and he keeps telling how inconsiderate his bf is and how i'm always there for him and treating him well. he even said he was sick of all these guys falling for him when they are friend but he was with his bf and even said that to me to which i said i used to have initially high school like crush which lasted for 2-3 days but now i see him completly like a brother since we bonded on our horrible exes and now i cant even imagine sex with him and that it would be gross Lol and i think ever since he's been on to me and more distant about his bf icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2009 7:37 PM GMT
    These situations happen on a fairly regular basis. It is always easier to deal with them if both parties can be adults. It is your friends responsibility to bring the topic to the table. Until then you should be just as you are. After he tells you, you should be just as you are. Things may change on his end. He may feel embarassed, rejected, whatever but those feelings are his to deal with and sort through. Your job is to be his loving best friend regardless. Let him down easy and leave the ball in his court. It sucks having to navigate through these situations but if the friendship is a true one it will sort itself out in time.

    You may want to spare but not completely shield his feelings regarding your dating other people.

    Hope this helps
    S

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2009 7:44 PM GMT
    I went through that and I was on the opposite end and I told him how I felt and he told me he did not feel that way and you know we moved on fron it and we have been fantastic friends for 5 years.

    He often jokes that I was the one that he let get away. I just laugh and respond. "You had your chance and that's all you get". "I don't give second chances to back off". In retro-spect we are much better friends than we would have been as bf's.

    I was determined that I was not going to let it affect our friendship and it didn't. When he started dating and needed some advice regarding the guy. I called him on the carpet because he was treating the guy really crappy.
    That's what a real friend would do.

    BF's and Lovers come and go. But a true friend they are forever.

    To quote Dr. Maya Anglou. "Nobody can ever take a Friend's place NOBODY".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2009 8:00 PM GMT
    yrs ago, my straight friend tried get me drunk to know if I had feeling for him. I knew he liked me but I wasn't aware of it
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Nov 30, 2009 8:09 PM GMT
    I rarely if ever am attracted to, or fall in love with, a friend. I just consider them a friend, almost like a brother or something, and I will literally say "gross" or something when they joke about me sexually. Kind of like the "Will and Jack" situation.
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    Nov 30, 2009 11:41 PM GMT
    stringman saidThese situations happen on a fairly regular basis. It is always easier to deal with them if both parties can be adults. It is your friends responsibility to bring the topic to the table. Until then you should be just as you are. After he tells you, you should be just as you are. Things may change on his end. He may feel embarassed, rejected, whatever but those feelings are his to deal with and sort through. Your job is to be his loving best friend regardless. Let him down easy and leave the ball in his court. It sucks having to navigate through these situations but if the friendship is a true one it will sort itself out in time.

    You may want to spare but not completely shield his feelings regarding your dating other people.

    Hope this helps
    S


    *This* was very helpful... thank you, thank you.
    I share *everything* with him, the guys I'm dating the stories about sex, *everything*. I didn't start getting that gut feeling until recently so it's not like I can shield him from any of my behavior or dates. Your advice was incredibly helpful... thank you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2009 12:14 AM GMT
    glad to help. good luck with everything....including the triathlons!
    Best
    Steve