I Met a Guy two Days Ago and Need Advice

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2009 5:27 AM GMT
    Okay, so I met a guy on Friday, the day after thatnksgiving at the local gay club. My friends and I went to the a dive bar to have some drinks ( I was the designated driver, so I was sober all night) and he and his friends were there. I made sure he saw me looking and just before he and his freinds went over to the dance club he came over and said "Hey have a good night, I'm Brian, what's your name?" So I told him and asked where he was going, and said "Cool we are going over there soon too."

    So I get to the dance club and run into him and ask him if he wants to dance, he says sure and we end up making out on the dance floor. By this time he's drinking water to sober up, it's about 1230. He asked me why I was single, he asked me if I remembered his name which I did (he didn't remember mine), We hung out off and on for the rest of the evening while he tried to sober up, We talked about what we did for work, education, etc. We danced to the last song.

    So we parted ways when the bar closed, and we texted each other a bit. In that convo he said not to"...pursue IF I was a douche because he had ENOUGH of those lately." Which made me laugh. I promised I wasn't, that I am loyal to both friends and boyfriends. Which I know I am.

    So the next evening (last night) I texted again and asked him to lunch today. He said that was fine but that he wasn't looking for anything. So we went and spent an hour talking. He was really nice, we talked about where we are from and where we are in our lives. As far as relationships go, he has had one where it was on and off for a few years but he's never really been in love. He's 24, btw. I told him about the four year relationship I was in 7 months ago. At about an hour he said he had to go to get some stuff done. I told him I would like to hang out again. He said "Sure, Im sure I'll hear from you, right?"

    So, since he was so into me when he was tipsy, and later said he wasn't looking for anything, do I take that at face value? Was I just a bit of drunk fun? If so, why would he agree to go to lunch, especially knowing that I really like him? And if I wanna "court" him what do I do next? icon_question.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2009 6:08 AM GMT
    The gays and alcohol.......

    1) Texting is so informal and people need to learn to pick up the damn phone.
    2) He might have a boyfriend, which would explain texting.
    3) He could just be flaky.

    Don't be in such a hurry. Text him or call him and just see what happens. It's been two days. See if he wants to go to dinner on Friday-that's better than lunch.

    You know I met a guy the other week and asked him out. Well, he texted me and told me he has a boyfriend, He met me out for drinks anyways. All in all it was a really nice, hot kiss at the end of the night. He still texts me....

  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Nov 30, 2009 10:25 AM GMT
    Slooooow down. It's great to show you're interested, but give him room to come to you, too. You're a good-looking, well-built guy. Chances are good he'll want to see you again if he's available.
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    Nov 30, 2009 5:03 PM GMT
    He sounds too young and flaky for you. I see a few things here. First he believes most guys are douches which tells me that he brings this attitude on himself. Second he leads you on and then tells you to back off. So what I see is someone who seeks to be admired and when he is not than the other guy is a douche. I find this trait a lot with young insecure men. If by chance something did develop my guess is he would be very manipulative.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19133

    Nov 30, 2009 5:10 PM GMT
    Sounds to me like the other guy was recently burned and is just feeling gun-shy. He wouldn't have had lunch with you if there wasn't at least some interest. Maybe try to get together and do something with him again that is casual like maybe a hike or something and not so "date" like, and see where it leads.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2009 5:13 PM GMT
    Sounds like the guy totally "FLIPPED THE SCRIPT".
    "Blame it on the ALCOHOL"
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    Nov 30, 2009 5:15 PM GMT
    I'll say this now...and I hate that I can make this generalization, but most guys my age are flaky idiots. I'm not saying that to anger or piss anyone off...but it's true. Most younger guys don't know what the hell they want, don't feel like putting forth the effort to figure it out and would rather just string as many people along as possible. Now...this could just be my bitter biased opinion, but...this is why I don't date guys my age.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Nov 30, 2009 5:18 PM GMT
    Sounds like most 24 year olds I've met. Sounds like he likes to party a lot, and date multiple guys. He might not be that interested in a particular guy, but he is not going to turn down a date. They keep a few guys that are into them close by if they want to party on the weekend and they have no one to go with.

    In the way you describe the scenarios, I personally would have considered half his statements insulting, and would not have enough patience for his company.

    If he pursues your company for a couple of months then I would consider his interest genuine.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Nov 30, 2009 5:24 PM GMT
    collegekid2004 saidI'll say this now...and I hate that I can make this generalization, but most guys my age are flaky idiots. I'm not saying that to anger or piss anyone off...but it's true. Most younger guys don't know what the hell they want, don't feel like putting forth the effort to figure it out and would rather just string as many people along as possible. Now...this could just be my bitter biased opinion, but...this is why I don't date guys my age.


    I agree. It seems most guys in this age range consider a "date" something you do with "anyone" besides sitting at home alone. It's no big deal. I was recently trying to date a guy that was 27, but he would bring other guys on our date. Not only that, I would have a hard time getting a date with him because he was too busy dating all these other guys. It was always platonic so it never got too far before I wised up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2009 5:24 PM GMT
    Don't pursue him. Let him call you if he is into you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2009 5:41 PM GMT
    Rodmramer saidDon't pursue him. Let him call you if he is into you


    That's how I play it safe, too.
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    Nov 30, 2009 8:54 PM GMT
    I am going to comment on your game.

    What the hell are you doing talking about all these relationships? You drunkenly made out with the guy and the next night you are planning your wedding. Slow. The hell. Down.

    You are going to scare lots of quality guys off by going from zero to relationship so fast. At this point, no one wants to hear about your exes or how loyal you are to your boyfriends. That just screams "I am needy and desperate for a relationship".

    Take your time. Enjoy the moment. Build a relationship rather than sic it on someone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2009 10:24 PM GMT
    I don't know about talking about exes but he shouldn't desperate his calls. Move on and find somebody about your age
  • timgoblue

    Posts: 71

    Nov 30, 2009 10:55 PM GMT
    EverBetter said...He asked me why I was single icon_question.gif


    I hate when guys ask that...what are you supposed to say?

    Anyway, I agree with some of the other comments... too soon to be talking about past relationships...scares people off, especially the ones out looking for a good time, like it just seems he is, in my opinion. Of course you know better, so trust your own instincts and if that means "courting" him, go for it, I just wouldn't expect too much.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Nov 30, 2009 11:06 PM GMT
    He's not looking for a relationship. Don't push it with him. Get to know him as friends and if he feels something with you in regards to a relationship, then he will let you know. But don't wait on him to reach this point. The two of you are at completely different points in your lives.

    (and shame on him if he doesn't think you might be a good catch)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2009 11:38 PM GMT
    i have to agree with the comments about us young guys that are flaky. even my straight friends are super flaky hahahahahah

    i'd like to think im not flaky but im sure im in no position to make that judgement hahahah.
  • victor8

    Posts: 237

    Dec 01, 2009 12:00 AM GMT
    i can't believe your 37 and acting like a high school girl....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2009 12:02 AM GMT
    victor8 saidi can't believe your 37 and acting like a high school girl....



    Oops
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2009 2:59 AM GMT
    Guys, genuine thanks for your comments and help. icon_smile.gif

    Lmao, yes, I must admit I was acting like a high school girl! And so what? I was excited that someone might be interested and there's nothing wrong with that. What I was thinking by his comments was that he wanted something more than a one night stand, so I didn't pursue one. Instead, I "courted" him to see if there might be something more. And in light of his texts to me today, there apparently is. I didn't have to make the next move to find out after all. I just waited.

    And I would LOVE to date a guy my age if I could find one interested in dating a guy my age!! As you may have noticed there aren't too many people here in Sac that go on this website and I haven't found any single and fit ones around here otherwise. Yes, I've looked, but I've only been single for seven months, I'm sure they're around. I do know one thing, I'm not dating some random thirty-something who doesn't bother to take care of his body but instead sits around watching Glee (no offense icon_wink.gif ) and Melrose Place and eats Bon Bons all week. I have a bit more energy and interest in life than that.

    I don't know where it's gonna go with this guy, but he's nice and he thinks I'm nice too. So I guess we'll see. For now, I'm glad someone is interested.

    And thanks again, you guys are a great gauge, and I really do appreciate your comments.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2009 4:55 AM GMT
    "Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth." Benjamin Disraeli


    Nothing wrong with expressing the way you feel. Sometimes it makes us behave in ways some don't approve...oh well.
  • chgobuzz1

    Posts: 155

    Dec 01, 2009 5:13 AM GMT
    just to add to this that you seem a bit to eager to date again so soon. I have been single for 5 years now and only dated one guy for more than a month. I just wasnt ready. I did try to date someone 15 years younger and it did not work. He wanted to experience a sort of "sex in the city" life with his bar friends. Dont forget you met him in that setting. Try meeting guys at places other than bars and believe you have a lot to offer someone. But view this guy for what he is, a 24 year old just out learning about life, sex and relationships. At 24 I met a terrific guy at the gym who was 32. We dated for a year or more, my first boyfriend, but he wanted a husband at that age. I wanted a "sex in the city life" cause it was all so new to me and exciting. Years later I regretted not marrying him when I could have. But at 24 I (and your friend) just were not wise enough to see what a great catch an older guy can be. Manage your expectations and dont jump after guys so quickly, no one likes that. I use the 2 week rule. I meet someone, have a date, text or email but dont see him again for 2 weeks. If then I feel the same then there is a third date and maybe sex on the 4th date. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2009 5:25 AM GMT
    blame it on the a-a-a-a- alcohol.

    He's 24. He's not ready to tie down. Text him again after a couple days, but keep your expectations low.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2009 4:01 PM GMT
    Age really has nothing to do with it. I can recall when I was 25 years old and I was dating a guy who was eh 17 years my senior and I was ready to play house and settle down. He just wanted to play and not always with me I would later find out. That was the end of that!

    The thing is if you like this guy you like him. The heart wants what it want, doesn't always get it but it wants it.

    There are immature men who are 24 and 64 who just do not have the skills to navigate through a successful relationship.

    Eyes open..keep your eyes open.

    Good Luck! 8-)
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Dec 01, 2009 4:13 PM GMT
    Well I find it sort of interesting the OP's "hot list" comprises mostly of guys in their early twenties. There are a few guys in their thirties, and I don't think anyone over 40. It just seems obvious that he has an age preference, and he should just be honest with himself about that.

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Dec 01, 2009 6:02 PM GMT
    Warning Will Robinson ..... Warning

    First of all the guy is telling you that he's not looking for anything
    second you met him in a club and alcohol was involved

    Not a great way to start a whirlwind romance
    But if you wanna test the waters Do Not Text him

    Texting is correspondence lite
    He'll text you back and talk til you're blue in the face
    Call him
    If he calls back and you get a positive response he's interested
    If he doesn't .... you got your answer