Came Out for the first time lastnight

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2009 5:56 AM GMT
    Ugg so lastnight one of my co-workers set me up on basically a blind date. It came completely out of left field, I guess he gave her my number so I just got a random text all of a sudden. Since i'm still closeted I took the date, especially since this co-worker has really been putting alot of pressure to date on me lately (I have been single for a pretty long time).

    Well the date went pretty well, ended up turning into a double-date with one of my good friends from high school and his latest fling. I ended up getting pretty drunk and we went back to my dates apartment to chill. Well my friend was hitting things off real well with his date and pulled me into the hallway to try to talk me into staying at my dates apartment since she we were all drunk and she had a place for them to stay as well. Somehow, I dont remember how exactly, I ended up telling him I was questioning my sexuality! Thank god he is an awesome friend and didnt freak out at all! Shortly after the girls came back outside to pull us back in.

    I have been so pissed all day that I let that slip, especially cause I myself am unsure about my sexuality still. Him and I ended up having dinner to talk about the entire situation and he basically told me that he was completely shocked by it (would never have guessed it) and that nothing will change with our friendship, so that's a huge relief!

    I still have been going crazy all day since this has brought up all kinds of feelings that I have been keeping inside for a long time. Im still unsure about my sexuality as I have never been with a girl or guy sexually before, but I definitely did not feel any attraction to this girl lastnight. I dont consider myself to by the 'gay' type at all- very masculine, fighter type. It also still kind of feels wrong to me even though I still find some guys attractive. I honestly still thinks its more of a physical curiosity. Im just so confused!! What a night!

    Sorry, just needed to vent a little.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2009 6:14 AM GMT
    I slept with a woman the night of my 17th birthday and a week later I slept with a guy, then I took my time deciding.
    Do you have any gay friends?
    There's not really a "gay type". I guess you mean you're masculine and it sounds like that's the sort of guy you'd be attracted to. If you meet some of the kinds of the gay men that attract you and spend some time with them, it might help to clear things up, or at least start to clarify some of your feelings.
    Using this site to communicate with other guys who have been through it will also help.
    I'm not sure where Parker is, but maybe there's a gay ball club or sports league within visiting distance. I'm pretty sure there's a hiking/outdoors group based in the Denver area and those might be safe ways for you to meet some friends and check out your curiosity.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Dec 01, 2009 6:14 PM GMT
    Not that I'm Rushing you or anything icon_confused.gif

    But WTF?

    You're all confused
    You don't like feeling this way
    You're saying things you don't want to say


    .... and you're talking to friends and spilling the beans when you Have No Beans to Spill

    Usually I'll say take your time you'll know when the time is right
    But you're gooing to have to venture out to find out what the deal is with yourself
    If you have any gay friends hang out with them
    Go to a gay club
    Hang out in the "gay" section of town
    Explore what it means to be Gay to be Bi or to be Str8 for you

    When you have the information
    THEN you will be able to make a choice .... now it's all conjecture
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2009 7:31 PM GMT
    Parker, relax.
    There is no right or wrong way to ask yourself these questions and there is no need to freak out or beat yourself up. It may not have been planned, but you told the truth to a friend, who accepted it and supports you -- in some ways this is a great coming out story. You have to admit it could have been worse. icon_eek.gif

    The important thing now is to be true to yourself and openmided about your future. And there is no deadline: I didn't come out until I was over 30 and had slept with women for years. Take a deep breath, you're a smart guy and it's all going to work out great. icon_cool.gif

    Good luck!


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2009 12:21 AM GMT
    Parker congratulations for having the courage to come out to your friend. I had an almost identical story at your age on we were three buds and three girls. One of my buds was going to nail one of the girls and her roommate was doing everything in her power to get me in her bed so she would not have to sleep alone while the other two were having sex. In the end I told the third friend in the bathroom not to leave without me. I later came out to him and he told his girlfriends he still loved me.

    I also can't tell you how many times co-workers have try to set me up with a chick. Once the best friend of my boss's wife kept calling me for date. I finally told her I was starting a new job and I was interested in dating.

    You need to clear your head of all the poison you have been fed about sex and sexuality. I have been fortunate to have tons of straight male friends who have been cool about my sexuality. The only friend who had a problem turned out to be gay as well. Cool secure straight guys don't have a problem with homosexuality or having a gay friend. I know this from years of experience. If they do they are probably questioning their sexuality or they are brainwashed by the church.

    One thing I want to add. You may find that by checking out gay places you can't relate to anyone there. I have a friend who walked into a sleazy bar when he was a hot 22 year old. He went on to have a really raunchy sexual experience that traumatized him to the point of where he looked into ex-gay therapy. That was 18 years ago and he didn't have internet sites like this to go to. One reason you may be questioning your sexuality is that the only guys you are attracted to are straight. That is normal since straight men outnumber gay men so much and most gay men hide in the closet like you. When you find that gay man who you can relate to then things can get really hot.

    So go out and get laid and enjoy it!
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Dec 02, 2009 12:42 AM GMT
    You are who you are. Learn how to accept it. You define who you are. Don't let others, or your perception of what others think, do it for you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2009 4:35 PM GMT
    Hey ParkerHunt, Welcome to Realjock, eh?

    lol, the sleeper awakens.

    The following is advice from sappy old meninlove:

    When Pandora's box opened, all kinds of things came out; Doubt, Fear, Confusion etc.
    The lid was closed and a voice could be heard from inside, frantic and full of the knowledge that without its release things could get very bad indeed.
    When the lid was lifted again what came out was Hope.

    Inadvertantly a door has opened. Take the next step patiently and believingly, and we think the puzzle pieces will all fall into place.

    -us
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Dec 02, 2009 4:52 PM GMT
    Parker welcome to RJ,

    I think you have some stuff to reflect on. Looking at your 40 plus hotlist-you like the male form and seem to appreciate the male body.

    I would say you have to decide if it is a sexually attarctive thing or just appealing physically. You are young and no one is pressuring you to decide. I have had more relationships with woman, the majority successful, but am currently in an open relationship with a great man. Yeah I still like woman and find them a turn on as well. You'll be just fine-in time.

    peace
    mike3
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2009 6:34 PM GMT
    Maybe your views on homosexual attraction were assimilated to that mainstream homophobia and automatically apply it to your personal situations without realizing and that's why you feel bad about liking some guys? icon_eek.gif

    Or not. I use to be that way, though. icon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2009 7:27 PM GMT
    I completely understand what you are going through. I didn't have the same scenario as you did, but the same situation. You have your feelings that you can't put behind you, but you also feel guilty because you consider your sexuality wrong or unbelievable. Accepting your sexuality depends on the type of lifestyle you plan to live. I myself still have complications similar to yours. Being religious and family oriented, is what makes me feel guilty. My family raised me well, but I am my own person. It is all up to you on the way you want to live.You are entitled to live your own life and not live for anyone else.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Dec 02, 2009 7:40 PM GMT
    Don't feel like you have to rush anything. Just go with the flow and stay within your comfort zone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2009 7:43 PM GMT
    But, then, on the other hand, if it looks gay, acts gay, walks gay, thinks gay, lusts gay, ...it's probably friggin gay, or at least equal opportunity.

    Don't beat yourself up over it. It's just sex. Only person who needs to know is who you are having sex with.

    Same sexual relations are very common throughout all of nature; especially mammals. NO BIG DEAL. It's perfectly natural.

    If you hold false belief systems that guilt you in some way, it's important you drop them now, or, you're headed for a world of misery.

    Move forward. Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
  • tas_515

    Posts: 133

    Dec 02, 2009 7:47 PM GMT
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlGLuRlhW3c
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2009 7:47 PM GMT
    Parker, I agree with GQ. You didn't say you were gay, you said you weren't sure about things. That's a good thing, you get to take time to look at what's going on with you. In the mean time, you have a great friend to talk to that has told you that he won't stop being your friend in any case. Win-Win for you. Don't beat yourself up, be glad you've started the process to figure out who you are, gay or str8. Good luck. And welcome to RJ.
  • KepaArg

    Posts: 1721

    Dec 02, 2009 7:48 PM GMT
    chuckystud saidBut, then, on the other hand, if it looks gay, acts gay, walks gay, thinks gay, lusts gay, ...it's probably friggin gay, or at least equal opportunity.

    Don't beat yourself up over it. It's just sex. Only person who needs to know is who you are having sex with.

    Same sexual relations are very common throughout all of nature; especially mammals. NO BIG DEAL. It's perfectly natural.

    If you hold false belief systems that guilt you in some way, it's important you drop them now, or, you're headed for a world of misery.

    Move forward. Today is the first day of the rest of your life.



    Agreed!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2009 7:51 PM GMT
    Had the same thing happen to me.

    Basically me and my cousin got drunk and we were watching porn, lol.

    So basically we were talking about girls and stuff like that.

    Well to sum it up I said, "You know what the next level to be. Having sex with guys would be so crazy but cool."

    Oops, lol.Yea, I was drunk but when that spilled out of my mouth all the color drained out of my face because I just realized what I said.Yea then he asked me later and I was like I would never have sex with guys, lol.
  • hdurdinr

    Posts: 699

    Dec 02, 2009 8:06 PM GMT
    Hey Parker,
    My advice would be to just go with the flow, don't give yourself a time limit or worry about what others will think of you - if any of your friends have a problem with your sexuality then that's their problem not yours and they'll either get over it or they won't, and if they don't then they're not worth having as friends! I wouldn't really agree with the advice to go to gay bars to see "what it is to be gay" - that's so limiting! I personally don't really like most gay bars, it's hard to sift through the stereotypes and find real people and so might not be the best place to get a feeling for things. Anyway, I don't think anyone is COMPLETELY gay or straight - hand me a date with a 1990's Cindy Crawford and I'd be there in a flash! lol
    Sounds like you have a good friend who might also act as a springboard to you telling other friends. Best of luck to you - H
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 04, 2009 3:06 PM GMT
    You may feel relatively "unsure" of your sexuality the whole time. Thinking about this situation in the context of our society, norms and any other relevant life experiences or values you may have its quite difficult not to feel unsure. What I do know is I was happy very happy dating my girlfriend for 3 years and making provisions to marry and live as a regular guy with the ideal lifestyle She cheated and I went out one night as a single straight guy with my lesbian friend and that night I was a straight guy who was extremely interested in another guy who looked straight and normal just as I. The situation with that guy evolved into a relationship and I was never more happy, complete and sure of the way my body felt. Some days we would lie in bed together and I would think of my father who is a minister and I would think about how wrong it was, but it didn't ever truly feel that way. I could go on and on, however the point is that when you analyze your sexuality and how right things feel, for most people its often logic vs genuine and passionate emotion. There won't be a right or wrong, and there may not even be a gay or straight for you, but there will always be something that you can't quite articulate and this is all you will have to refute arguments of how wrong a same gender sexual relationship is. That relationship ended for me, but I will always remember the feeling of being sure of only one thing and letting that one thing drive my decisions and letting that influence my logic. You can't fake that feeling but you can rationalize any desired argument.
    Good luck figuring things out, but just focus on living and being happy....not attempting to convince yourself or anyone else.