I'll go fucking crazy!!!

  • mnastoski

    Posts: 6

    Dec 01, 2009 8:53 PM GMT
    I simply thought that the feelings will simply fade away or something but instead I really dont know what to do.I dont want to sound boring so i'll make it short.I have this friend who ended up being my soulmate.We practically clicked together and we do evreting together and of course he doesnt know that I am gay(well almost no one knows that i like guys since i come from a small town and you know the rest...)
    The problem is that at first i thought that the feelings will go away cuz there is no way i will sacrifice my friendship for anything.But its been too long and now i really know that its not a crash or infatuation.The feelings keep growing every single day and all that i can think all day long is him, and nothing else, he is evrything to me, i love every bit of him.I keep trembling and my stomach is turning when i think of him(and I think of him 24 hours a day).I think like i'll really gonna go crazy, its too much for me.
    But to make it even more complicated I am on methadone maintenance program for almost a year and i am a registered nurse as well.I am reasonably stable on the program.WE actually met together at the methadone center.There is no one else that could get you better than someone who's been through the same things like you.
    And I can feel that there is somethng between us, and i know that he can feel it as well, cuz he told me so.He's told me that he cant wait to see me evry single time and its very strange but there is some positive tension between us.I dont fucking know what to do.Once he even told me that he feels like he would kiss me with his tongue.I dont want to end up using him, and i think i could use him sexually if we were to be intoxicated with a bit more methadone.That doesnt seem to be fair.I am in HELL.
    The other thing that i fear is that i would do something stupid like get high with other narcotics, although i am clean from other opiates for the last 3 months except the methadone.
    I would sincerely appreciate any comments since there is no one that i could talk to about this(even my shrink) cuz they dont know that i am gay.BOLD TEXT GOES HERE
  • MercuryMax

    Posts: 713

    Dec 01, 2009 9:54 PM GMT
    I'd say there is a time in every gay mans life where.....he grows some balls and just goes for it. What's to lose? Find out the truth between you.

    I was just at sonic last night and this hot semi-muscle guy who worked there went and got me a refill. Once he brought it back, I said thanks (he said your welcome), then he started to walk away and I said, "hey, you single dude?" then he stuttered and said. "Uh....ah.....nah....uh...I gotta girlfriend." I laughed and then backed out and left....it was fun.

    Anyway, show no fear, or they'll take advantage of that.
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    Dec 01, 2009 11:19 PM GMT
    Most of us have been in the same situation. There are several threads on this site, do a simple search.

    You need/must to tell your shrink. He or she must know these things in order to understand where you are coming from.

    Yes, I lost a close friend when I came out, but the pain of not telling him was debilitating.

    You must be able to move on, one way or the other.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Dec 01, 2009 11:25 PM GMT
    Jeez.....that's what a "shrink" is for. Talk to him/her about yourself. The only way they can help you is if you are honest with them and establish an honest rapport.
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    Dec 01, 2009 11:59 PM GMT
    i was in a similar situation, your going to need to be upfront or forget about it.. idk why your worried about using him if it's a mutual thing.. and doing so many drugs probably isnt helping
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    Dec 02, 2009 12:31 AM GMT
    Celticmusl saidJeez.....that's what a "shrink" is for. Talk to him/her about yourself. The only way they can help you is if you are honest with them and establish an honest rapport.


    totally agree with you on this...he needs to talk to his shrink.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2009 12:42 AM GMT
    yea- tell your "shrink" you are gay, there is not much that they haven't heard. sounds like this guy is into you
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    Dec 02, 2009 12:44 AM GMT
    Celticmusl saidJeez.....that's what a "shrink" is for. Talk to him/her about yourself. The only way they can help you is if you are honest with them and establish an honest rapport.


    Agree. Must tell the shrink and talk straight to your friend.
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    Dec 02, 2009 3:04 PM GMT
    Your shrink is a professional, he/she has probably picked up on the fact that you're gay. I've been in a similar situation though... and telling my friend ruined the entire friendship. It's better now, though because I know how he feels about things and I am moving on.

    Even if you talk it through with your shrink there will always be a part of you that wonders "what if". So you should just tell your friend, either way it turns out will make it easier to move forward

    GL
  • mnastoski

    Posts: 6

    Dec 03, 2009 7:13 PM GMT
    Thanks guys for all of your comments.It really means very much to me, cuz there is no one actually that i can talk to about these things.
    The reason I havent told my shrink is cuz i come from a very small place and country which is not very tolerant at all.I mean here anyway everything you say to your doctor will end up to evryone else in town and even if I tell that i am gay it will be a 'story of the month'.I come from Macedonia, a small country in Europe, and you probably havent heard of it.People here dont accept things easily.
  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    Dec 03, 2009 7:21 PM GMT
    Alexander the great was macedonian and he had nothing to hide and he is my hero!
  • zekky

    Posts: 3

    Dec 07, 2009 8:56 AM GMT
    Seems every gay guy has this kind of experience.
    My advice is to tell him how do u feel about him. If he is a true friend, he will still be ur best friend.
    My own experience here and I think it's similar to urs. I met this guy on the volleyball court back in college, and we both love playing volleyball. We have this same interest, similar opinion on many things, we just know each other. we could understand eath other without saying too much. And we became best friends in a short time. We went to movies together, played volleyball together, took some walk in the midnight talking about life and future. Of course then I had this strong feelings for him, thought about him all the time, couldn't stop texting him. I just couldn't control myself. The feelings just killed me so I finally chose to tell him my true feelings. He wasn't surprised at all, basically just "I'm straight" and "I'll absolutely still be friend with u".
    Then we got even closer, though it took me a while to get rid of the feelings for him which I still have now, after 2 years. He is still sharing everything with me, spends a year to make a birthday gift for me
    But I know I did the right thing. I dont have to be drawn in confusions. It's a painful stage but I know I have to go through it, coz it's just the right relationship with straight guys.
    English is really not my language, so sorry if i got u some trouble in understanding...