Once more, apologies for a long post! I'm writing a very boring case study for work so this is a good distraction!
ebl333, what you said reminds me of how I was feeling - each day it felt like more of my soul died. I had to get out for my survival, but there were more factors involved, including verbal/emotional abuse. I even got yelled at for putting my toothbrush adjacent to his in the holder, rather than across from his. However, he painted a different story for others and made it seem like I was abusive and controlling. People did see through it, however. One nicknamed him "Lucy" which was short for Lucifer.
From what you wrote, it sounds like you have moved from the romantic idealized notion of love to facing the mundane daily aspects of it. Like OW said, there is an ebb and flow to relationships over years. For example, my parents have a great relationship now, but most of my childhood prayers centered around asking God to make them get a divorce.
Have you told your partner how you are feeling? I talked with mine many times (and his friends made jokes about our long talks), wrote him letters, went to a counselor, and a mutual friend even sat down with us once - all to no avail. I know in my hear that I tried everything to make it work, which gives me peace of mind.
As I said before, I've learned a great deal from being single and dating guys. I had the butterfly feelings for a couple of guys like you talked about. One ended things because I was moving and he didn't want a long distance relationship. After I moved, he got into a long distance relationship and then ended it because he was in love with someone else. I met another guy recently and started to fall for him, but realized he was using me. I edited some things for him (English isn't his first language) and spent a bit of time on them. He didn't seem particularly appreciative about it and then abruptly quit contacting me - after he pursued me and called several times a day.
What I took away from this, ebl333 (sorry, don't know your real name!), is that I'm still capable of having feelings but that I need to be very aware and not waste those feelings on unworthy people. I'm learning to identify the signs better and end things with my dignity and self-esteem intact. I feel in control of my life, which is an amazing feeling.
Have you talked about a trial separation? Maybe you could take separate vacations and sort out how you feel?