bottoms and getting off

  • SwimmingDoc

    Posts: 115

    Dec 02, 2009 8:36 AM GMT
    So this is kinda ackward... but I am going to be forward... I am a bttm, and have upset a few people to the point of them not talking to me because I do not get off while having sex... is this typical for a bttm to not get off? are there other bttms that don't get off? do tops really care, and why do they care?
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    Dec 02, 2009 8:41 AM GMT
    Those were some quality people you had in your life, then. Damn. icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif


    I don't say this to be mean or rude or anything, but I don't make friends that would get mad at me for stuff like that. icon_eek.gif

    And I don't know. It's a rare feature for me to have sex. Very, very super rare. icon_sad.gif
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Dec 02, 2009 10:36 AM GMT
    Swimmerboy,

    A lot of thought - maybe too much thought - goes into trying to make magic every time you have sex. We'd all like to think we're sexy and good at it and one way to measure that is whether the partner "seems to" enjoy himself and whether he gets off.

    I've tried a couple of different things over the years.

    1) told the guy I didn't feel like getting off but that what he was doing felt awesome and I just wanted to enjoy it for a while.

    2) helped the guy find a position that works for you. go about it playfully, tell him you'd like to try some new ones out to see how they feel. I don't know all the funny names for the positions, but I was with one guy who tried several before we found one that pushed my buttons (in a good way).

    3) if this is a general issue for you and you want to cum, then ride the wave the moment it starts. What I mean is, that some guys are into "edging" - bringing you close to cumming and then backing off over and over. That's probably not going to work with you. Better would be to find what's working and take it all the way to orgasm immediately.

    4) don't masturbate for a few days beforehand. The chances of getting aroused to the point of orgasm are better for me after a few days of abstinence. After a week I'm practically a bitch in heat! (but please forget I said that) icon_smile.gif
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Dec 02, 2009 2:43 PM GMT
    Many (or I would think most) men can't reach orgasm by having their prostate stimilated alone. So don't think that because it's "sex" you're not allowed to masturbate, too. The "sex" part only means that someone else is present while you're doing it. icon_wink.gif Bring yourself to orgasm while your partner is inside you, and after a while you can start bringing yourself to orgasm at the same time as your partner.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Dec 02, 2009 2:46 PM GMT
    try different positions, maybe it will make a difference

    sometimes the rocking motion of a guy holding me while we are on our sides and taking me from behind is enough to send me right over
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    Dec 02, 2009 3:12 PM GMT
    Oh so you are a lazy bottom that just lie there, are you?
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Dec 02, 2009 3:17 PM GMT
    I've known that some guys can't really get off with another guy until they feel comfortable with him. It usually starts out in a dating scenario and winds up being a more intimate relationship. Once you have a significant partner that is there for you, it may all be different for you.
  • KepaArg

    Posts: 1721

    Dec 02, 2009 3:19 PM GMT
    Can't say that I have had this problem! I achieve orgasm, I may not always be hard during sex depending on the position (ej: on my stomach), but I am able to get hard and cum with my partner, but I tend to like to go a two rounds or three and build up my intensity after each session! After holding out 2 or 3 rounds I´m rock solid and ready to explode. I do need to touch myself though. I have only twice been able to keep it hard and cum without touching myself with my ex. icon_lol.gif
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    Dec 02, 2009 3:25 PM GMT
    First off, I'd say if they got mad at you because you did not cum after having sex, then you were with some very VERY bad sexual partners. It was all about their ego and their ability to get you off and not at all about you, your body and your satisfaction.

    Great sex takes three things: attentiveness to your partner's body and his needs, patience to actually pleasure his entire body and make sure he's satisfied, and intuition to know exactly how to get that done, be it through intense, slow lovemaking, fun, active "boy-boy" sex or intense, aggressive, body ravaging sex.

    A good partner, top or bottom, takes the time to learn his partner's body. His partner's whole body. Touching, kissing and strategic use of the tongue, then watching and listening to his reactions allow a partner to map the body and then if he's good, he uses a combination of hot and cooler areas to bring up and tone down sexual energy, essentially playing your body like a sexual symphony where he is the maestro and building to a climax for one or both of you.

    At no time does a good "top" focus on whether or not orgasm is achieved, but satisfaction. There have been times when I bottomed with my former boyfriend that I didn't climax, but had a very intense afterglow going on anyway. I was thoroughly satisfied.

    Find a lover who is attentive and who wants to make you feel absolutely amazing. One who is not ego driven and selfish (they are the most common and the worst in bed) and one who has a sense of adventure in bed and creativity.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2009 3:26 PM GMT
    KepaArg saidCan't say that I have had this problem! I achieve orgasm, I may not always be hard during sex depending on the position (ej: on my stomach), but I am able to get hard and cum with my partner, but I tend to like to go a two rounds or three and build up my intensity after each session! After holding out 2 or 3 rounds I´m rock solid and ready to explode. I do need to touch myself though. I have only twice been able to keep it hard and cum without touching myself with my ex. icon_lol.gif


    hawt
  • SwimmingDoc

    Posts: 115

    Dec 02, 2009 3:29 PM GMT
    Blondizgd saidOh so you are a lazy bottom that just lie there, are you?


    HAHA no not at all!!! I just don't stay hard
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Dec 02, 2009 3:43 PM GMT
    I would never get mad at a guy if they didn't stay hard, but I have had my share of bottom men and for the most part they are hard and they finish first, some without touching it at all, but hey I'm Italian and I can dance. I think great technique helps as well.icon_idea.gif Try some different positions during sex. Also maybe the top guy you're with has no idea about great foreplay!!
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    Dec 02, 2009 3:53 PM GMT
    I care a great deal about the people I fuck. I like to see that they are having a good time. Sex isn't about my pleasure, it is about everyone's pleasure.

    A good sign that everyone is having a good time is a dripping cock. If the top can't see the drippy cock, they may think they aren't giving pleasure. Reassuring the top that you are enjoying yourself is important, particularly if you don't drip, moan, or shoot. So, for lovers that are not familiar with your sexual response, a little reassurance goes a long way.
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    Dec 02, 2009 4:07 PM GMT
    There have been times when I KNOW I won't get off, ie: lack of sleep, etc, and I'll let the top know that either ahead of time (that I may not get off) or during, but to please keep going because it feels AWESOME!

    You just have to make sure you communicate with your partner, whether it be a one timer or repeat.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Dec 02, 2009 4:11 PM GMT
    When a bottom cums during sex there is no faking it. I don't need encouragement I try harder till I hear it and when they bust you know you've done it well. If the other guy isn't going nuts I might lose interest as well, but it hasn't happned to me yet. Everyone id different and I finf out pretty damn quick what works for different men.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2009 4:59 PM GMT
    Golly......you get the right person... you should be making a mess. Perhaps you should try more variety and not label yourself into one modality. Also, study up on what gets guys off. A lot of that is in the head (the large one).
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    Dec 02, 2009 5:01 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidI care a great deal about the people I fuck. I like to see that they are having a good time. Sex isn't about my pleasure, it is about everyone's pleasure.

    A good sign that everyone is having a good time is a dripping cock. If the top can't see the drippy cock, they may think they aren't giving pleasure. Reassuring the top that you are enjoying yourself is important, particularly if you don't drip, moan, or shoot. So, for lovers that are not familiar with your sexual response, a little reassurance goes a long way.


    Especially if they're the insecure type, and needy, or, you can ask 'em to give you that much needed prostate massage, and fake it. ROFL.

    Munching is so well adjusted. Munching you're my inspiration. LOL.

    How's hockey? LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2009 7:21 PM GMT
    I rarely reach an actual "orgasm" while bottoming. But, the sensation I experience is actually much more intense.

    Luckily, my partner's package is perfect for me, hitting all the right places. Every pump feels makes me feel like I'm cumming, and if I haven't jacked off in a few days, I will have a huge puddle of cum on my belly after taking it. He literally pumps it out of me, which is very hot!!

    After sex, sometimes I will jack off with my partner rubbing some key areas, but most of the time I am fully satisfied after bottoming for my partner.
  • tas_515

    Posts: 133

    Dec 02, 2009 7:27 PM GMT
    ChicagoBriGuy saidA good partner, top or bottom, takes the time to learn his partner's body. His partner's whole body. Touching, kissing and strategic use of the tongue, then watching and listening to his reactions allow a partner to map the body and then if he's good, he uses a combination of hot and cooler areas to bring up and tone down sexual energy, essentially playing your body like a sexual symphony where he is the maestro and building to a climax for one or both of you.


    Sexual symphony? How fast can I move to Chicago?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2009 7:27 PM GMT
    When I bottom I'm hard and cum every time, even if we are on 4ths or 5ths. But I'm also fussy about who I have sex with so by the time it comes to that, I really want it! With guys I'm really into, who have good skills, I can cum multiple times without even touching myself, in multiple positions.

    I have topped guys who aren't hard when I'm topping them and who don't cum, but there has been no doubt that they are very happy, every time. Some guys just can't or don't, everyone is different. I hope you find someone who appreciates how unique you are as well as what pleases you sexually.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2009 7:31 PM GMT
    I usually have to finish myself off too. I've never cum "hands free" Some just are this way. Though I'd love to just once.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2009 7:37 PM GMT
    I'm a top. I'd be concerned at first that you aren't into it. But if you tell me you're loving it -- ugh, and especially if you beg me to keep going and maybe go even harder and faster -- I'll love it. But that's a two-way street... if there's something I can do to make it better for you, make you cum, whatever, just say. Either way, let's get busy!

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    Dec 02, 2009 7:55 PM GMT
    chuckystud saidEspecially if they're the insecure type, and needy, or, you can ask 'em to give you that much needed prostate massage, and fake it. ROFL.

    Munching is so well adjusted. Munching you're my inspiration. LOL.

    How's hockey? LOL


    You are a power lifter. And I know you can become a power bottom. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2009 8:09 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie said
    chuckystud saidEspecially if they're the insecure type, and needy, or, you can ask 'em to give you that much needed prostate massage, and fake it. ROFL.

    Munching is so well adjusted. Munching you're my inspiration. LOL.

    How's hockey? LOL


    You are a power lifter. And I know you can become a power bottom. icon_biggrin.gif


    Can become? Already is!

    All powerlifters are power bottoms, didn't you know that? icon_razz.gif
  • Little_Spoon

    Posts: 1562

    Dec 02, 2009 9:06 PM GMT
    The top should help, in my opinion.

    Although, I don't understand how getting fucked doesn't help.


    I need more experience....points.