Is it possible to recover and still have a shot with someone you pursued too quickly?

  • ny247365

    Posts: 12

    Dec 03, 2009 12:39 AM GMT
    I met a guy through mutual friends at a party about a month ago and we talked for a couple of weeks, but kind of rushed into things.

    First of all, we would mainly talk when we had been out and drinking, so alcohol may have increased things, and when we talked during the day I made the mistake of talking about what we could be and pressing him on whether or not he was interested in me, since he seemed very back and forth. He went from saying he was seeing how committed he could be to a relationship, since he wasn't sure if that's what he wanted at the time, to it wasn't going to work out, due to a variety of reasons. I'm guessing the fact that I pressured him on the whole relationship thing or whether or not he liked me thing and the mutual friends we did share were/are kind of toxic and ended up getting involved and causing a certain extent of negativity and drama between us. Things ended with that and basically he didn't see it working out.

    We talked about a week later and smoothed things over, agreeing to be friends. Then, after another week or two we had a more in-depth conversation where he expressed to me that he really wasn't sure what he wanted, since he missed having a relationship, but at the same time had a lot of other shit going on and wasn't sure if he would even have the time to commit to a relationship, on top of the fact that I lived an hour away at the time.

    We haven't really been talking regularly, since I've wanted to keep my distance, but we agreed to make plans and hangout outside of our drama filled group of gay friends. Possibly a fresh start? I still like him, but I'm not in the same place I was when we first met where I was completely head over heels. Could I handle just being friends with him? Yes. But, I can't deny that I would still be open to more if the possibility were still there.

    Any suggestions and advice would be great appreciated!
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    Dec 03, 2009 6:15 PM GMT
    I've never understood when guys are like "I don't know how committed I could be to a relationship right now."

    I mean, I always thought it was a "I'm definitely ready, or I'm just completely not willing to be committed" sorta thing. o.o Because that just seems to me that it's something that you have to be already wanting to do.
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    Dec 03, 2009 6:33 PM GMT
    TRUST LIFE. If it's meant to be, it will be. If not, it won't.
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    Dec 03, 2009 6:44 PM GMT
    BlueLinxus saidI met a guy through mutual friends at a party about a month ago and we talked for a couple of weeks, but kind of rushed into things.

    First of all, we would mainly talk when we had been out and drinking, so alcohol may have increased things, and when we talked during the day I made the mistake of talking about what we could be and pressing him on whether or not he was interested in me, since he seemed very back and forth. He went from saying he was seeing how committed he could be to a relationship, since he wasn't sure if that's what he wanted at the time, to it wasn't going to work out, due to a variety of reasons. I'm guessing the fact that I pressured him on the whole relationship thing or whether or not he liked me thing and the mutual friends we did share were/are kind of toxic and ended up getting involved and causing a certain extent of negativity and drama between us. Things ended with that and basically he didn't see it working out.

    We talked about a week later and smoothed things over, agreeing to be friends. Then, after another week or two we had a more in-depth conversation where he expressed to me that he really wasn't sure what he wanted, since he missed having a relationship, but at the same time had a lot of other shit going on and wasn't sure if he would even have the time to commit to a relationship, on top of the fact that I lived an hour away at the time.

    We haven't really been talking regularly, since I've wanted to keep my distance, but we agreed to make plans and hangout outside of our drama filled group of gay friends. Possibly a fresh start? I still like him, but I'm not in the same place I was when we first met where I was completely head over heels. Could I handle just being friends with him? Yes. But, I can't deny that I would still be open to more if the possibility were still there.

    Any suggestions and advice would be great appreciated!


    You must love drama. Do what you want. Sounds like you've already decided that, and nothing anyone could say will really affect that.

    There 7 BILLION folks in the world. If you find someone that upsets you / drama / is a flake, the reasonable thing to do is to get another one of that 7 billion that doesn't do so. Question is, are you that smart?

    Your call. Sounds like you like the drama. Being picture-less tells us a lot.