Is he really into me?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2007 8:00 PM GMT
    I met this guy a couple a weeks ago. The first date was great. Total chemistry. I liked him a lot and he liked me too. At least he told me that. We've been seeing each other every weekend , and next week will our 3rd weekend together. But, there's something that bothers me a lot.Since we met, He doesnt call. I've been the one is always calling . 3/4 times a week. No pressure, I call just to say hello, hi are you doing, how's your day. I was just wondering if is just my mind or He's not into me anymore. Last weekend, I told him I liked him a lot and I also asked him what he was looking for. He said he wanted to settle down, I was great, genuine, great personality, cute....and so on...But I still didnt get it. His words dont match his actions. I still dont see someone who's really interested in me. I always like to follow my intuition, but honestly I am confused, and I'm afraid to fall for the wrong guy.
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    May 10, 2007 8:43 PM GMT
    I'll be brief and honest.

    He's not that into you.

    At all.

    It's better for you to move on, in my honest opinion.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2007 9:09 PM GMT
    A great friend once told me :

    "Let go of them , and see who comes back."

    Time to let go.

    In detachment comes peace.

    x
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2007 10:21 PM GMT
    He's stringing you along.. time to move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2007 1:41 AM GMT
    Even if he is into you he's an asshole for not calling. Drop him. If he really wants you he'll beg to come back.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2007 1:46 AM GMT
    it sounds like you are coming on too strong.

    don't call him. see if he calls you.

    if he doesn't, then you have your answer. :)
  • trebor965

    Posts: 200

    May 11, 2007 2:04 AM GMT
    well don't do anything to harsh, these people don't even know you, your situation, or this fella. so you have to break the situation down. we do this by asking simple questions like what are his previous relationships like? does he communicate well? is he a phone person? is there a reason he hasnt comitted to you, denoting a possible internal issue? are you nagging him? i find by having a no pressure honest converstion could clear up a ton of miscommunications. while having your conversation be progressive in your outlook, be empathic to his situation, and if anything try to see the role he his playing in your life. try to see what you can learn from the situation, and what could you have done differently to prevent any uncomforting feelings, or not. you could kick the shit out of him, and piss on is his chest till you get some answers. good luck, and relax.
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    May 11, 2007 2:42 AM GMT
    Trebor makes some excellent points. E.g., if the guy is at all like me, he could be really into you while also being someone who doesn't like talking on the phone very much and who needs a lot of space and solitude. So, rather than projecting all sorts of fears on the guy, why not sit down and talk it out?
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    May 11, 2007 3:16 AM GMT
    Geez,more evidence that I must occupy another planet. I cannot imagine drawing ANY conclusion about someone I met 3 weeks ago.

    I mean, what in the world could you know about one another after three weeks?

    "Hey, I like raspberry-jalapeno lube, do you? Hey, my sister's cat has an artificial leg; do you like pets? Hey, I enjoy sodomizing my inflatable George Bush doll; are you into politics? Hey, I like to chat on the phone. I notice you don't call. What's dat all about?"

  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    May 11, 2007 3:37 AM GMT
    ...hmmm...I have to agree with Obscenewish...lord knows I have not always been the best judge of character in my dating life...2.5 weeks is not a long time to figure someone out...

    ...are you giving him the opportunity to call you?...sounds like you are calling a lot...

    ...I am just getting back into the swing of dating...and although I am enjoying my dates and time with this new guy...I am content for it to be once per week and mostly on the weekends as I begin to add "dating behavior" back into my life...

    ...oddly enough...it may have nothing to do with you...but be careful not to smother...

    ...have fun...get to know each other...you have plenty of time to get serious if this is going to be "the one"...

    - David
  • Justbe_NYC

    Posts: 18

    May 11, 2007 4:45 AM GMT
    If I may,

    Pay attention to a lot of things, the eyes, the way it says thing, the body langage ... but please don't count the number of times he calls you versus you calling him. Even if the score is 0 - 20 !

    I'm just saying that because I don't like to call and it does not stop me of being able to love someone.

    Good luck
    B
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2007 5:38 AM GMT
    MPeter,

    You had a great date. Then you spent two weekends together. Your third weekend is planned... hasn't even happened yet.

    It's way too early for worries. If, after TWO YEARS of weekends together, you wonder whether or not the guy is "into you"... I'd say you have probable cause for action. But right now?

    RELAX. Just have fun. Let the plot thicken. Don't ignore your regular friends and habits. Don't give yourself away.

    PM8
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2007 4:25 PM GMT
    Thank you for your responses. After reading all comments and advices, I've realized I've been too harsh about the whole thing, and also I'm not being patient. Indeed, We met 3 weeks ago, I know nothing else than his age, name, favorite ice cream, favorite movie, and phone #. I guess I have to relax and lower my expectations. Once again, thank you for great advices and comments. I've definitely changed my perspective on dating.
  • TonyD

    Posts: 168

    May 12, 2007 2:53 AM GMT

    Have you thought of ASKING him why he doesn't call you? Take a risk.


    Anthony
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    May 12, 2007 3:41 AM GMT
    Hey Anthony,

    Yes I did, but...honestly, I was afraid to sound needy or like a crying baby...ohhhh you dont call me...bla, bla, bla...I'll ask him soon.

    Thx.
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    May 18, 2007 5:22 PM GMT
    At the end of your next date with the guy just give him a hug and kiss if you are at that stage and say, "I would love to hear your voice if you have the time during the week, Give me a call."

    See what happens!

    My weekdays are pretty jammed pack and I agree with you. If you like someone you take the time. Then again, sometimes the week just flies.....
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    May 20, 2007 2:59 PM GMT
    Three weeks isn't a lot of time
    ...but it sounds like you're setting yourself up
    Why ARE you calling him?
    Give him the chance to call you
    You might be jumping the gun and not giving him the chance or the time to call
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 21, 2007 3:56 AM GMT
    i'm with the guys who say you're calling too much. if you have called him all these times it smacks a bit of trying too hard. sorry but it's the truth. no matter how mature we say we are, in the real of dating, (sadly) it is a game, and we all have to play it to some extent. stop calling him. if he's interested he'll call. in fact your aloofness might spark more of an interest. if you're harder to get, you become more desirable. sad, but true.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 21, 2007 4:02 AM GMT
    some people don't like to be pestered. No matter how much i like a guy if hes constantly calling me or messageing me just to say hi, I might get annoyed or not see then need to call. just back off a bit and see what happens.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2007 2:45 AM GMT
    Well I think you can ask, in a nice, non-aggressive way, why he doesn't call. It could be a style thing, eg. he is used to guys calling him so he doesn't think he has to. Or it could be that he doesn't value time on the phone the way you do.

    If you're getting along and things are going fairly well I think it's in your best interest to self define and ask him questions. You can't change him but you can change the level of anxiety around this issue or relationship.
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    May 22, 2007 10:26 PM GMT
    You know what, at this current point I have dropped all of my old friends. Just friends friends because I never hear from them. Out of the 40 I just out of blue stopped hunting down I've only heard from 2 of them since.
    clearly I wasn't that important to the rest. Chances are that they don't even notice that I'm gone yet.
    Relationship wise, I would do the same in a heartbeat and not think twice about it. Just to see if I'm worth being called or not.

    Some people do have calling phobias. Honestly I won't call someone unless they're really really important to me or I've known them for a while, other than that I let them call me.

    I was seeing a guy once and it was the same as you. I 'd call him after he got off of work or send him text messages.
    And so I got really busy with midterms and just couldn't be the one to pursue all the time anymore. Time went by, I called it off and he was so surprised. He thought that things were going fine and was so used to me calling him that he just naturally assumed that when I wanted to be bothered that I would call.

    So don't be afraid to speak up either.