• Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 03, 2009 9:05 AM GMT
    Like an opera of the day
    The silk lining of a coffins bay
    Hit me hard as I peered over to say
    To see a person there cold in deaths decay.

    OK, they say it's time to pray
    Words of hope and help are conveyed
    Life's opera dancing in the gray.
    Not one extra second to stay
    I look up at the person there in deaths cold decay.
    I was so young, afraid, scared, and gay.

    Could my warm touch bring them back from far away?
    Johnny, no, don't do that, keep away!
    Why could I not just have one more touch before they lay???
    Gone forever, I shall not disobey. I will stray.
    Continue..... with the opera of the day and play
    deaths icy cold decay.


    Today, when I went to see my favorite Uncle in the coffin, I remember why I can't look. When I was a kid, I was scolded for wanting to touch my Great Aunt. I think this is why I have issue. Now day's, they love to sit and caress them like a injured cat.

    Do any of you find this ritual odd?

    How things change.

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    Dec 03, 2009 1:53 PM GMT
    Wow, Mystic... I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

    I have never been to a "showing" at a memorial service or funeral. Even if I were to do so, I somehow couldn't bring myself to touch the person's body. It's less a matter of being repulsed as it is that I just don't think I'd be able to handle having the fact of that person's death driven home to me by touching them. Some maybe need that so that the loss becomes more of a reality, I guess... I honestly don't know and don't get it.

    Drop a line if you need to talk, bud. I'm there for ya.

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16308

    Dec 03, 2009 1:59 PM GMT
    Really sorry to hear about the loss of your uncle. It is odd how things change.. the dyamics within some families.. even little things.

    I have an uncle who farms and I can remember he thought the "wearing of shorts" was kind of odd when I was a kid. I remember seeing him in shorts a few years ago and I made a double take... a small thing, but it shows how
    peceptions can change. Sometimes they don't.
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    Dec 03, 2009 2:44 PM GMT
    Hey Mystic, sorry about this loss...that's one excellent poem. Impressive talent there. I've been to open casket funerals. it's always confuses a little, because that's just the cast-aside, like an empty cocoon. The person has fled their crumbling prison.

    xo -Doug
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    Dec 03, 2009 2:59 PM GMT
    Mystic - My condolences and thoughts are with you now.

    I've had my fair share of experience with death - even from a young age - my first funeral was my great grandmother - I was 3.

    As time progressed, I can recall my grandmother's aunt dying, and I ended up accompanying my mom, grandmother and my mom's aunt to the viewing.

    My mom's aunt was the first to go up to the casket, and she brought me with her, she bent in and kissed the corpse, and squeezed her hand, and looked at me to do the same - I was horrified.

    Luckily, my grandmother, unbeknownst to me had come up and was standing behind me, and she intervened. Afterwards, I felt bad for not saying good-bye in that physical way.

    (Like Doug's comments below) But my grandmother explained to me that different people say good-bye in different ways, and that like her, I was not comfortable with that physical aspect. She then launched into her explanation of how when we lose someone, that the soul of that person is gone, and they leave behind their shell. So it was perfectly OK NOT to have to kiss the shell good-bye.

    So to answer your question - YES, I personally find the ritual odd, and uncomfortable. However, if it can give comfort to someone else who is grieving that loss, I won't frown up on it.

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    Dec 03, 2009 3:11 PM GMT

    Please accept my condolences for the loss of your favorite uncle. I'm thinking you'll have many good memories of him to sustain you. I imagine he would appreciate you remembering him.

    I've been to over 50 funerals and memorial services. I've seen so many styles of services........and have decided which ones I like better than others. Just be yourself, as I'm sure you will. Some services have no body present, just the cremains. Other services have a closed casket - others, open. Some mourners just go by and touch the casket........others kiss the decedent. I found that touching the decedent was odd......they feel so stiff. I'd just do what you feel most comfortable doing.
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    Dec 03, 2009 4:07 PM GMT
    The best way to get over an "issue" is to confront it. I touched my friend, John, as he was lying there in his coffin. I couldn't imagine not touching him one more time before they put him six feet under.
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    Dec 03, 2009 5:19 PM GMT
    My deepest condolences on the death of your uncle, Mystic_Man.
    Children are not burdened with the limitations that adults set upon themselves. Wanting to touch her, a true expression of love that compellled you to act without thinking. I think they finally understand it even if they have never realized or remembered.

    May he rest in peace.

    Pamela GlenconnerBitter are the tears of a child: Sweeten them.
    Deep are the thoughts of a child: Quiet them.
    Sharp is the grief of a child: Take it from him.
    Soft is the heart of a child: Do not harden it.