Pun

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    Dec 28, 2007 2:52 AM GMT
    Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also atevery little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, hesuffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad,it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Dec 28, 2007 2:58 AM GMT
    A man goes out for breakfast. He sees on the menu - Today's Special: Eggs Benedict - and decides to order it. The waitress brings him his breakfast on a shiny silver plate.

    When he asked the waitress why, she says "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."
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    Dec 28, 2007 3:00 AM GMT
    And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. ... icon_lol.gif
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    Dec 28, 2007 4:41 AM GMT
    True story:
    I was driving to work the other morning and a bald eagle landed on the highway (yes we have those in Nebraska). It was picking up some roadkill, flew up and then dropped it. I guess it was allowed only one carrion.
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    Dec 28, 2007 4:46 PM GMT
    I heard on the news that there was a prison break this weekend. The only person to escape was a psychic midget. The report stated there was a "small medium at large". icon_biggrin.gif
  • jockdreams

    Posts: 17

    Dec 28, 2007 4:53 PM GMT
    After many years of education, I finally got a job as a historian. I had to quit though because I realized there was no future in it.
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    Dec 28, 2007 10:19 PM GMT
    I used to be able to clap with just one hand. But that was Zen, this is Tao.
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    Dec 28, 2007 10:29 PM GMT
    If all of the women left the country there would be a stagnation
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    Dec 28, 2007 10:36 PM GMT
    Should you use a silencer when you shoot a mime?
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    Dec 29, 2007 6:20 AM GMT
    A horse goes into a bar. The bartender says to him, "Hey buddy, why the long face?"
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    Dec 29, 2007 5:36 PM GMT
    The chess club had just won the state tournament and were in the hotel lobby/lounge celebrating. After a while the manager came over and asked them to leave. The night was early so they asked him why?

    He said, "If there's one thing I can't stand is Chess Nuts Boasting in an open Foyer"
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    Dec 29, 2007 5:37 PM GMT
    Two Antennae met on a rooftop, fell in love, and got married. While the marriage ceremony was dull, the reception was brilliant!!
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    Dec 29, 2007 6:56 PM GMT
    Three nuns were sitting side by side on a park bench when a guy in a trench cost comes up in front of the first one and flashes her. She has a stroke! The flasher wasn't expected that reaction but continues on to the second one and flashes her. She also has a stroke! Feeling a little guilty he continues on to the third but takes a step backwards and flashes the third nun. She tried to have a stroke but she couldn't reach him...
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    Dec 29, 2007 7:01 PM GMT
    You what they say: everything happens for a reason. You say that too many times in your head and starts to sound like: anything can happen with a razor.
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    Dec 29, 2007 7:02 PM GMT
    Whatever doesn't kill me, will make me wish that it did.
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    Dec 30, 2007 8:09 AM GMT
    Caslon - LOL! Your fragile mystic pun was a huge hit at a family gathering this afternoon. I love that kind of stuff... Thanks for sharing!
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    Dec 30, 2007 8:31 AM GMT
    this thread made me love this site even more.
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    Dec 30, 2007 9:00 AM GMT
    Hey guys, I know this is off topic, but with the new year coming, may I suggest the gardeners among us forget the past and rely on the fuchsia.

    (I guess maybe that one works for painters, too)
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    Dec 30, 2007 11:25 AM GMT
    jprichva saidA horse goes into a bar. The bartender says to him, "Hey buddy, why the long face?"


    genius icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 02, 2008 4:57 AM GMT
    This one is a little "dirty" and not exactly a pun...

    A penguin took his car into the shop for a repair. The mechanic told him that it would be a while, so the penguin went to a Baskin Robins across the street. Not having hands, he got a little messy. He returned and the mechanic said "Looks like you blew a seal"
    The penguin said "No, it's only ice cream"
    I'm here all week folks...icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Thirdbeach

    Posts: 1364

    Jan 12, 2008 6:48 PM GMT
    There's a fine line between fishing, and standing on the shore looking like a goof.


    I went to a Zoo. The only animal they had was a dog. it was a Shih Tzu.


  • Thirdbeach

    Posts: 1364

    Jan 13, 2008 7:32 PM GMT
    I asked a Kid what does it mean when people say "go Google it?"

    The kid wouldn't answer my question; all he said was "go look it up."
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    Jan 13, 2008 8:04 PM GMT
    An abbey was in financial difficulties, and to increase its income the brothers decide to open a fish and chips business.

    One day the abbey door bell rang and one of the brothers went to welcome a customer.

    When he opened the door the customer said, "Are you the fish fryer?"

    The brother said, "No, I'm the chip monk."
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    Jan 13, 2008 8:17 PM GMT
    an abbey in financial difficulty decides to open a flower shop. they get a great amount of business, and everyone loves their flowers. Except Jim, the local flower shop owner. he asks the friars to find another venture to help raise money and not ruin his business, but they refuse. so Jim decides he needs to get help from the local gang. the gang introduces to Jim to their toughest member Hugh, and jim give Hugh as much money as he can to make sure the job gets done right.

    the next morning the friars go to their shop to find the windows smashed, all flowers broken at the bloom, and half the store in flames.

    the moral of this story?

    Hugh, and only Hugh, can stop florist friars.
  • cowboyupnorth

    Posts: 264

    Jan 14, 2008 12:41 AM GMT
    Caslon that was good. LMAOicon_lol.gif