Getting the boy in shape.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 28, 2007 4:02 AM GMT
    My boyfriend's got some weight to lose, and he keeps bringing it up so I keep telling him I'll help, but I'm not sure exactly how because we've got different goals: he's got stuff to lose, I'm trying to pack mass on. I realize there's plenty we can do together just as general exercise (aside from sex, duh), but I could use some advice.
    He just graduated law school and is getting ready to take the bar, so he's busy and overstressed as it is, so i need something that fits his schedule and doesn't take a lot of time anyhow. Getting him on a reliable diet is just about freaking impossible with all the studying and crap he's got. Plus, I'm an early riser, he's not.

    I promised him I'd get him where he wants to be, physically, by this summer... now I've just got to figure out how.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Dec 28, 2007 2:53 PM GMT
    If he's new to working out and fitness, I'd start slowly adding things into his daily routine that he'll be able to incorporate into his schedule.

    My advise would be to get him doing some kind of cardio for at least half an hour. Something like a stationary bike would be good because he can read while he's on it - incorporates his studying. Get him lifting weights. Have him do alternate muscle groups, it will give him a quicker workouts.

    As far as diet? There are lots of healthy alternatives for quick, fast foods that are easy to carry.

    Hope this helps.
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    Dec 28, 2007 3:08 PM GMT
    It does, thanks. The bike is genius, actually, 'cause I want him to drop weight before I start taking him running. I don't want to mess up his knees over the next year.
    The food part is mostly tough because we don't live together, we actually have some good distance between us, so I can't be checking his fridge and making him lunches and shit. Think I'll make him up a list of groceries to buy, easy stuff to make....
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    Dec 28, 2007 6:17 PM GMT
    It is a nice gesture, but it is a bad idea to make a promise like that. If someone wants to be healthy and fit it becomes a need, not a want. I am not saying he should put his bars on the back burner, but if he wants his dream bod he has to find a way. There is not excuse for not eating properly. Exercising does not have to be for one hour in a gym. You can do push-ups, sit-ups, and a lot more in your home.

    If he really wants to have a body then he will find a way. Building a body is not a hobby. It is more of a lifestyle.
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    Dec 28, 2007 6:23 PM GMT
    Yeah, I was going to say that your intentions sound great but ultimately your bf needs to be willing to make this a priority: regardless of how busy he is, if he wants to make time for this, he will; if he's not committed, he won't. I think you should concentrate on assisting him in doing his own work to complete his goals but if you're forced to really babysit him (i.e. monitor his fridge for him), you're liable to waste a lot of time and energy on someone who just might not be committed right now.
  • Squarejaw

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    Dec 28, 2007 6:32 PM GMT
    Is there a good place for him to jump rope near your home? Asphalt is better than concrete, because it reduces the impact on the joints.
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    Dec 28, 2007 7:48 PM GMT
    Gotta look into the jump rope stuff.

    I think he just needs some encouragement to commit, but you're right, I can't babysit him. I'm mostly worried because I see him do shit that he thinks will help, like I'll call him and he's all proud that all he's had to eat that day is a cracker. Then I stay at his place for the weekend, and we wolf down wings and chinese like it's a hobby (guess that's an area where I'm not being too helpful... difference is I tend to work it off). Or he'll order a salad, then dump ranch all over it. And I love ranch as much as the next guy, but not when I'm trying to cut calories, and he thinks that cause he's having a salad he can put back icecream. I don't want to cross the line into being a nag.

    I think I need to find him some good, straightforward stuff to read on healthy eating and exercise and stuff. I know Men's Health has some good books that compile articles on stuff, bet I could scrounge some of them up...

    Thanks for the advice though, guys!
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    Dec 29, 2007 3:04 AM GMT
    Since you live too far away to monitor his diet why not send him a care package with more nutritious snacks?

    Not only will this help him achieve his goal but how cute would that be?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2007 3:10 AM GMT
    i say let him take the bar first...

    then put him on a strict diet and exercise program. icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 29, 2007 5:46 PM GMT
    I predict this will end badly.
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    Dec 29, 2007 9:34 PM GMT
    Jonny, I think you're right, letting him concentrate on that is the smart thing to do...

    Chasersprize saidI predict this will end badly.


    Why's that? Are you a lawyer and familiar with the kind of frantic, over-stressed living hell generally associated with taking the bar? I'm not a lawyer, but I've heard horror stories. I'll be glad when he's done with it... something tells me the stress won't all go away then, though...
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    Dec 29, 2007 10:13 PM GMT
    This is tuff, stress raises Cortisol in the body and this causes the body to store fat, plus bad eating habits and your really on a down hill slide right to the fat farm.

    Try to stress to value of bettering eating habits. With better eating habits he won't have peaks of energy followed by instantly becoming tired and worn out.

    Prepare some healthier things to snack on. Check out bodybuilding.com for some great articles on eating better. And if he's to impossible to deal with, let time run it's course, and make him promise to get with it after his bar exam.

    In the mean time you keep looking better and better and be an inspiration to him. You may have to set back for a while and ride this one out. But in the end he will come around because he sees your nice toned body every day, and he knows he needs to be where you are.

    Good luck
    Joe




  • Squarejaw

    Posts: 1035

    Dec 29, 2007 10:22 PM GMT
    Novembermike, my hunch is that Chaser is likely trying to provoke a negative response to justify the way he feels about himself. He needs to work on that internal negativity rather than directing it at other people. You haven't given us any reason to predict this will turn out badly.
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    Dec 29, 2007 10:34 PM GMT
    November,

    I agree with Johnny, support his efforts to focus on the Bar, help him with the little things to alleviate his stress and keep him from feeling overwhelmed, then when he passes, celebrate like Hell. Afterwards, focus on the fitness and nutrition changes, giving it the same attention that was given to the Bar.
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    Dec 29, 2007 11:13 PM GMT
    Hmmmmmm...

    I have a partner who has gone back to school, so I know the schedules and stresses can be difficult.

    I think concentrating on relieving his stresses and doing small things short run to help him manage his time better are the answer here.

    I do like the idea of the exercise bike (or a treadmill) immediately though - what a great gift for Twelfth Night.

    How about offering to do his grocery shopping for him so that he can spend more time studying, etc.? When you are looking, load up with fresh fruits, veg, and healthy snacks. Concentrate on simple meals that you or he can make a couple days ahead, and that he can just grab when he needs to. Throw in some good tasting low carb smoothies or MRS's that he can have ready made in a pitcher in the fridge.

    Try coaxing him to bed at a decent hour so that he gets a full 8 hours every night; when you aren't there schedule a timed phone call - spice it up a little with some phone sex if you are comfortable with that.

    Wait until after he takes the Bar to really hit the healthy lifestyle/ heavy workout routines - it will keep him busy and keep his mind from wondering wether he passed or not.icon_lol.gif

    Good Luck.
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    Dec 29, 2007 11:17 PM GMT
    Does he take breaks during his study/prep for the bar? If he has a decent amount of breaktime/intervals, maybe he can incorporate the jump rope or some form of exercise. it'll be good conditioning and a form of non-law related break he could use to refresh his mind.
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    Dec 30, 2007 12:29 AM GMT
    Hey Novembermike,
    My best friend took (and passed) the bar in August. I know he was a nervous wreck coming up to it but he managed to lose 35 pounds during this time. He changed his diet and went to the gym a few times a week, just to escape from studying. I think your right with looking at getting him a few books about balanced eating and exercise. I was amazed at how much my friend lost by just those two things. His boyfriend however doesn’t care about his diet and put on 35 pounds the past few month. So in end he has got to want to do it for himself and if he wants it bad enough he will make time.

    Oh and life does not really calm down after he takes the bar and gets a job.

    Hope all goes well.
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    Dec 30, 2007 1:28 AM GMT
    "Waiting until" is never a good idea. Life doesn't slow down after exams. The time required for exercise and nutrition (or anything else) never appears until you make the effort to carve it into your schedule. But as other guys have said, the motivation has to come from within.
  • Squarejaw

    Posts: 1035

    Dec 30, 2007 2:38 AM GMT
    The best break for someone studying intensely is sleep. The second best break is exercise. Making time to work out could help him process and retain the material he's studying
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    Dec 30, 2007 5:10 AM GMT
    November...

    When does he sit for the Bar?
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    Dec 30, 2007 7:59 AM GMT
    I'll give a little advice that I regularly give to people who are busy and need to start slow in regards to incorporating exercise into their regimens. For some, this will sound like a broken record because I give this advice often.

    One of the simplest things your boy can do is to start figuring out how to replace some of the things he already does during the day with activities that expend more calories. These are really simple things, so I don't purport that they are novel.

    How much does he travel from place to place during the day, and when he's doing that how often is he driving or taking public transport? If he is driving or using public transport fairly often, I imagine it's because he has limitations on his time. In that case, he would probably do well to replace perhaps a half or quarter of that travel with walking or, even better in terms of time, biking. If he uses public transport or a car rarely, then replace all of it with walking or biking.

    When he goes grocery shopping, he should park a block away and simply factor that walking time into his schedule. This is a really simple way to get a nice workout, because not only does he have to walk farther, he has to walk farther with bags full of groceries. That's a good way to expend calories.

    Another fairly simple one, and again obvious, is to stop using elevators or escalators whenever possible. The stairs are your boy's friend.

    These kind of simple things aren't necessarily going to make the pounds drop like flies in a bug zapper, but they will help to slowly, but steadily, shed some weight. They will also likely decrease his stress level at least a little, because, as Squarejaw pointed out, exercise is an excellent study break. Of course, ultimately there will need to be a change in diet but I have no good answers for that because I, myself, always need to solicit answers from others in that area. I do hope, however, that this helps a little bit.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 30, 2007 3:54 PM GMT
    Man, i don't check the site for about half a day and I get a ton of responses, thanks guys.

    He'll be taking it at the end of February.

    Ok, so where I'm kind of settling is doing my own thing while I give him space to do his own thing, but make an effort to be supportive and help him out, baby-steps style. Encourage exercise as a study break and just get him used to eating better in general instead of taking away normal food and giving him gerbil food.

    I worry that the problem with waiting altogether is that, like most lawyers from what I understand, he's pretty high strung anyway and after he takes the bar the next crisis will probably be getting a job, so there will always be something.

    I appreciate it, thanks! The advice is great, keep it coming if there's more!
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    Dec 30, 2007 4:23 PM GMT
    I'll bet you're a hoot at parties, tight and toned.

    He's not asking for the help really, he just keeps saying he wants the results, so I'm figuring a way to help get him there.

    But I'll keep an eye out for that manipulation dealicon_wink.gif
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    Dec 30, 2007 5:00 PM GMT
    Someone I was dating once bought "Body for Life" because he was going to get into shape. He never did do it, but I borrowed the book and went through the program. I enjoyed it because it was very simple and significantly cut down my time in the gym. The cardio portion only took 20 minutes in the morning. I just got up a bit earlier and did my workout each day. The meal plan is very simple, too. I was surprised at how much stronger and cut I got.

    Also, one can always find time to go to the gym no matter how busy life is. It's just a matter of making the time. I went to grad school full time, worked, and managed to work out six times a week. The gym became my respite from the world and responsibilities. I would just plug in my earphones and forget about everything else. I still do! I never take my cell phone into the gym with me, either. The gym will always be "my time."

    Check out http://www.bodyforlife.com/ or get him the book for a late Christmas present.
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    Dec 30, 2007 5:25 PM GMT
    I love some of the negativity that gets spread around... icon_cry.gif

    - Body for Life is a great book -

    If it helps, when I was really busy in school and had a crazy, stressed schedule, I would tend not to eat - and no matter what diet you are on, skipping meals is not a good thing. So, I found it easiest to cook on Sunday afternoons; meals for Mon thru Thur nights, that way I maintained my morning training and stayed healthy, and had great meals that were quick & easy to heat up and eat - whenever and wherever I needed them.

    Also, when I had limited times/days to train, I would be sure to focus on things that reduced stress/cortisol and were relaxing - like core work and yoga - as they were usually great workouts, perfect for the time crunch, and kept me feeling great.