Crush on the straight friend

  • Kellzor

    Posts: 38

    Dec 28, 2007 11:04 AM GMT
    Oh its the worst thing!

    I liekd this guy I work with and I was hardcore crushing ya know!

    The other night we were talking and i told him how i felt and he was fine with it. Told me he was straight, but he had no problem with me.

    Agh! He's so understanding too! Ahaha!

    I think its werid how im totally ok with us as friends too....a few years ago i would have broke off all contact with him...does this mean ive grown as a person?
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    Dec 28, 2007 2:20 PM GMT
    Well, I think you are being realistic. It isn't his fault he isn't gay, but he can be everything you ever wanted in a friend. So stay on track.
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    Dec 28, 2007 5:26 PM GMT
    sweetie, i am 33 and tremendously suffering the same dilemma as we speak!

    all i do is just make them feel the bigger man. be there for them when they least expect it... and if they are open enough (or pissed!), you'd be up for some real treat.

    just don't analyze nor expect to much son. xx
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Dec 28, 2007 7:38 PM GMT
    i hate that... when they are so nice and accepting (and straight) once you've told them, that makes it even harder to accept. i usually break off as much contact as possible after that point, but i also let them know how i genuinely appreciate their kindness and understanding
  • Kohaku

    Posts: 87

    Dec 28, 2007 8:14 PM GMT
    I can understand what you're going through. I fell hard for my best friend. He's kind and funny, smart as anyone I've ever met, hard working, attractive, the whole shabang. But he was dating one of my best female friends. Definitely straight. That combined with the fact that I'm not out, YET, I never spoke up. Then he left to spend the summer at Harvard, (he hasn't even graduated high school yet) it was the longest three months of my life. His girlfriend and I ended up spending a lot of time together then 'cuz we both missed him so much! We're still really great friends, even though she'll probably never know how much I envied her! Anyway, I had to leave for college, and he's still straight, so I've kind of made myself get over him.

    Falling for the straight friend sucks. And I don't think there is any dandy solution to the problem. But don't feel like your alone in this! We know how ya feel
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    Dec 28, 2007 11:20 PM GMT
    I have also fallen for a straight friend, and MAN is it hard.

    He is so attractive, kind, funny, clever, interesting, caring etc etc. And I am not just saying all these things - they are ALL true.

    When he talks to me and shows he cares about my well-being etc, I gush and quiver. He is so unatainable, which makes me yearn for him even more.

    I have similar interests to him, but have also tried to get into some of his interests, so I can be closer to him. I feel quite sad doing all this, and yet I really want to be even more connected to him.

    The worst thing in the world? When I say something jokey, and he would reply with 'you're so gay' (as a joke ofcourse). But that is like a wrench through my heart because it exhibits some of his homophobia maybe? Having said that I also say 'you're so gay' to many of my straight friends as a joke, which still gives me hope icon_razz.gif
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    Dec 28, 2007 11:56 PM GMT
    Falling for a straight guy is no different from falling for a gay guy who's not attainable for whatever reason.
    Be realistic about it, but enjoy the butterflies while they last!
  • Artesin

    Posts: 482

    Dec 29, 2007 5:27 AM GMT
    You all could always just be massive dicks and bring some absinthe into the picture hehe.

    No ya wanna know whats worse, when your straight friends make out with you just for the fact they know what the affect is. They both tried the whole bi thing, didn't like it, yet they still do this argh !!!!
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    Dec 29, 2007 6:06 AM GMT
    Didn't think anyone would fall for straight guy like I did. LOL, aren't we all alike?
    It was the best and worst experience. like michaelback said, all the quality that you want except you are not wanted. and that sucks big time. My worst break
    up was with a straight guy. worst then with other gay ones. Gosh I was such a fool.
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    Dec 29, 2007 6:47 AM GMT
    Stay friends with him - anyone with that kind of acceptence is a friend indeed. My best friend - I had a crush on him for 5 years. He was the first person I came out to and I told him how I felt - to this day we're still incredibly close friends. He's straight, I'm gay - who cares? I've come to love him like a brother.
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    Dec 29, 2007 6:54 AM GMT
    Just don't push it, These days with my straight friends coming out in ALARMING numbers, I view straight guys as sort of a treasure that should be protected. Don't know,the thought of every man being bi just bothers me. So, if this friend is really straight, don't you dare change him, Kellzor, grrrrr.
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Dec 29, 2007 6:57 AM GMT
    Totally true Jrdnstatz: the older I get the more I value friends over lovers
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    Dec 29, 2007 9:24 AM GMT
    well .....very Platonic but at the end he is in love !
    you have a friend for life.....I do!
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    Dec 29, 2007 12:45 PM GMT
    Man I remember my first crush...

    The same situation you're in
    I was like 15, the guy was so perfect in my eyes... and totally straight. I don't think I've fallen that hard for anybody else...

    It was bittersweet but so freaking intense... I don't know, I was a masochist

    As long as you know where both stand, and if you're strong enough, you can re-route all those feelings you have and turn them into a GREAT friendship.

    That's what happened in my case; the guy I fell for back then came to be one of my best friends, and to this day he still calls me his brother icon_smile.gif

    Just be understanding, fair and realistic.
    You know the guy doesn't belong to you, but if you still want him in your life because you feel strongly for him, being as good a friend as you can really pays off and in the end is not that bad.

    It's been more than 10 years and we're still very close. I'm glad i didn't freak out or stop being his friend just on account of my feelings.
    Just don't let your emotions get out of hand
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    Dec 29, 2007 12:48 PM GMT
    Just turn the boy gay ...
    worked 4 me, haha ... if he wants you he will come to u
  • audiomug

    Posts: 18

    Jan 09, 2008 11:26 PM GMT
    I usually crush on my male friends, whether gay or straight, but I realize that the sensation is fleeting, at least most of the time.
    But still, you've got to respect boundries, and abandon the vain hope that someday they'll turn. I mean, majoratively, those are the problems of an atypical fag-hag, and the thought of being in the same 'neighborhood' as some squealing female gay fan club, chanting "It's such a waste that you're gay!", well that lads makes my stomach turn. But, I digress.
    Hate to break it to you Love, but truly Straight men will only ever be eye candy. So love him for who and what he is. You remember that concept, don't you? icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 09, 2008 11:39 PM GMT
    Man... I don't know... I believe anything can happen. I have had few crushes on straight friends. Had sex with few of them... It all depends. If the guy is horny and drunk and watching a porn movie in your living room... Well, you may have a chance. It all depends on the circumstances surrounding you both. But, the best thing to do is really to look at him as a BROTHER. If something else comes your way, even better!
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    Jan 09, 2008 11:54 PM GMT
    KellzorI think its werid how im totally ok with us as friends too....a few years ago i would have broke off all contact with him...does this mean ive grown as a person?

    Possibly. It does show more maturity than breaking off all contact would, that's for sure.

    I think most of us have crushed on at least one straight friend at some point. The thing is to see the real value of the friendship and not end up destroying it because of a delusion of being able to "turn him". That sort of delusional approach almost always ends up destroying the friendship and helps to propagate the myth that gay guys will pounce on any good looking man, regardless of whether he's straight or not. And before anyone says they've "turned" someone... if that happened, he wasn't totally straight to begin with, and you didn't "turn" him, you just provided an opportunity for awakening. There is a difference there.

    Value and protect the friendship you have with him. Friends... good ones, at least... are hard to find and worth their weight in gold...
  • PRDGUY

    Posts: 641

    Jan 10, 2008 6:19 AM GMT
    hereiam_NC saidMan... I don't know... I believe anything can happen. I have had few crushes on straight friends. Had sex with few of them... It all depends. If the guy is horny and drunk and watching a porn movie in your living room... Well, you may have a chance. It all depends on the circumstances surrounding you both. But, the best thing to do is really to look at him as a BROTHER. If something else comes your way, even better!


    WELL SAID!

    SUMTIMES ITS NOT A 'GAY THING, JUST A GUY THING' I'VE NUTTED WITH MANY SO CALLED STR8 FRIENDS [HATE LABELS], OFTEN ON NUMEROUS DIFFERENT OCCASIONS, JUST 2 DUDES GIVIN A HELPING HAND, MOUTH, WHATEVER TO A GUY U LUV AS A BRO!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2008 10:47 PM GMT
    Does anyone else think their straight friend could be gay? Do you spot little things which mean 'oh he just could be' etc?

    I can't stand it at the moment. I think I am falling in love with him.
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    Jan 27, 2008 1:37 AM GMT
    I'm in the opposite situation, in a way. I met a straight guy who I lusted after, and later we became best friends.

    He approached me after my evening run, and we started talking about fitness and running. I was sure he was hitting on me - which made me very happy, seeing as he's handsome as hell, crazy ripped and dripping with testosterone. Then all of a sudden he started telling me about his wife and 18-month-old son. I was extremely disappointed to say the least.

    We decided to go on a run together, since we both normally run the exact same course at around the same time. Turned out we also ran the same pace - fast! - so we started running together every day, and hanging out at my house for a while afterward. Within three weeks he was one of the closest friends I've ever had in my life.

    I love the guy with all my heart, but as a brother, not a lover. He is everything I'd ever want in a partner, except for the fact that he's already got one. Every once in a while he says something that makes me wonder about him a little (like, "until I met my wife I was ready to give up women for good") but I would never do anything to hurt his family situation. And I wouldn't disrespect our friendship by putting him in that kind of situation. I don't even fantasize about him; it could only be frustrating and it wouldn't be right.

    I spoke with him on the phone today and I'm going to visit him in a few weeks (he lives in Hawaii now). We'll go running together, surfing, spearfishing, and spend a lot of time just hanging out talking. Yeah I know, so wholesome it makes you sick.

    What I love about my friendships with straight guys is their purity - here's a guy who wants nothing more from you than to hang out with you and be your friend. Could anything be better than that? Well, yeah - but he doesn't have a gay, single twin brother.
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Jan 27, 2008 3:41 AM GMT
    Ugh, I think we've all been there at one time or another. It happens to me too many times since I like my men to be men.

    It sounds like you've got a great friend there. Any straight guy who handles this situation as well as your friend obviously is worth hanging on to. You may never be together romantically, but this could very well be one of the most important relationships you'll ever have.
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    Jan 27, 2008 8:40 PM GMT
    Do you think becoming good friends with a straight friend you have a huge crush on can last? It will feel like a one way thing to me. I don't know how to explain it.
  • imperator

    Posts: 626

    Jan 27, 2008 11:54 PM GMT
    I have a friend/neighbour who's straight, possibly the hottest guy I know in person, a really nice guy, goes to the gym with me sometimes, and I've had a sorta adulterous crush on him for months. Adulterous because I hav a bf who I love but he can be an awful nag sometimes, and needy. And his girlfriend, meanwhile, is the whiniest, clingiest woman I've ever met. She's constantly moaning and telling him to stop doing what he's doing and 'entertain her,' and she kinda embarrasses him constantly with talking about him to everybody in ways he finds kinda inappropriate. They've already broken up once before after she messed around on him but they kept living together and ended up back together.

    So anyway, I told him one time that he and I should run away together because it would be perfect. He'd get as much affection and action as he wanted without all the hassle, it would just be "hey, let's fuck and then you can go back to playing your video games," and other than that we could both just be quiet like we generally are. Now whenever they're over (because they hang out here a lot) and his gf is being annoying or my bf's acting crazy or neurotic, I say "people's exhibit [letter]" (as in, in the case of why he should run away with me) and we have a laugh about it. Which of course makes my bf more neurotic and his gf more annoying.

    Here's hoping he never comes to me and says "let's go!" I'd rather not have to deal with the temptation.
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    Jan 28, 2008 1:15 AM GMT
    Several years ago I had a crush with a really great looking/acting guy, all he had to do was show up anywhere and could end up with a girl on his arm. As we got closer in our friendship, I noticed he'd talk about his dick size, and I thought, what's this? is he bi? anyway time went on, our friendship got closer, and now and then he'd drop another fact about his anatomy. One weekend he was bugged, and drinking some, wanted me to come get him, his girlfriend was driving him nuts. Well with my crush on him, I couldn't resist picking him up. We got home, and he brought up that someone had told him they thought I was gay, I said that, yes I am gay, he said something to the effect that he had wondered about my being gay and what it was like. Ah !!! the opening !!! so I asked him if he'd like to try gay sex? Just as naturally as breathing he said, SURE, WHERE CAN WE DO IT ? I said, lets go around to the bedroom, and he was stripping as fast as I was. We shared sex several more times then one day said that he had decided it bothered him to have gay sex, and that he was going to stick with the ladies. OH GOD THAT HURT LIKE HELL !!!! We remained good friends though, and shared a grin about our tumbles, he moved away, and that ended altogether.