Raw or wrapped with a regular buddy?

  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Dec 04, 2009 3:51 PM GMT
    hey, I'm a bi married guy with zero sex at home (and my wife is aware of my m2m play. we have a great relationship, although clearly not a "normal" one), and in the past had a monog 5 year situation with a young bi guy i met playing soccer. after a year of trust and testing, we went raw, and it worked great. both of us committed to not messing around outside of our relatationship, except for non-contact jo. he was not into other guys at all, and so there was no safety issue. we "broke-up" when he decided he wanted a committed bf that he could build a life with, so i went back on the market. i've recently met a great guy, bi with gf, who would like to go raw. however, i know he is big into getting sucked by other guys, although he is not into fucking other guys and if we go raw would only fuck with me. i have done a lot of reading, and it is clear that he could pick up gon, syph and chlamydia just by getting sucked, and pass it on to me in my butt or elsewhere, although the risk of hiv seems low. the sex with this guy is amazing, we have a great connection, i'd appreciate your thoughts on whether we go raw or not.
  • jockalone

    Posts: 44

    Dec 04, 2009 4:30 PM GMT
    play safe. you have too much at risk not to.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Dec 04, 2009 4:34 PM GMT
    Always always always use a condom. If you don't, you're putting yourself unnecessarily at risk for a whole list of problems.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 04, 2009 4:35 PM GMT
    Bunjamon saidAlways always always use a condom. If you don't, you're putting yourself unnecessarily at risk for a whole list of problems.


    Always wear your seatbelticon_razz.gif
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Dec 04, 2009 4:37 PM GMT
    Just my opinion, but anyone who is married and would have unprotected sex with anyone else is at the very least being extremely irresponsible. I'll stop there because I find all kinds of other things wrong with it. Anyone who values their health should ALWAYS have "safe sex". Just because you think the guy you are sleeping with is being monogamous doesn't necessarily mean he is. You're playing Russian Roulette with your health every time you don't use a condom
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Dec 04, 2009 4:39 PM GMT
    Calvin said
    Bunjamon saidAlways always always use a condom. If you don't, you're putting yourself unnecessarily at risk for a whole list of problems.


    Always wear your seatbelticon_razz.gif


    That too!
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    Dec 04, 2009 4:40 PM GMT
    The only thing sane to do is to practice safer sex, but even if people tell you to wear a condom here, you're going to do whatever you want anyway.

    I don't know, I always raise my eyebrows at guys or girls who cheat on their spouses. If you really have absolute no sex ever with your wife, a divorce seems like a good idea. It's better than lying about it to your wife, catching something from a guy, and giving it to her when you have sex on Christmas or some once a year sex thing. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Dec 04, 2009 4:42 PM GMT
    I always assume the guy is HIV positive and always play safe no matter what he says about being monogamous and not fooling around with someone else.

    There's no way in hell there will be any butt sex without condoms.

    With oral sex, I believe the risk of transmission of HIV is minimal to none, and I'm willing to have oral sex without condom.

    Make sure you get tested every a few times each year for HIV and be alert to any warning signs of other STD's.
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    Dec 04, 2009 4:44 PM GMT
    I wont preach, but go to Poz.com Read some of the horror stories about wives who became positive or infected with STDs after their husbands had affairs. I do not judge you in your situation. But, think about one thing, if you did contract any STD, how awful would your wife feel if she found out. That is the sort of thing that damages people for life - not the STD but the impact of knowing you cheated. Again, I do not judge, I just come from a place where I was on the other side. Good luck to you.
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    Dec 04, 2009 4:46 PM GMT
    I will say it, since no one else will

    You are a douche bag.

    It doesn't matter if you wrap it up or not.

  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Dec 04, 2009 4:46 PM GMT
    just to be clear, my wife is aware of my m2m play. we have a great and wonderful relationship, although clearly not the norm. there is not a question of cheating or safety with her. but there are still all the issues that you guys have raised, thanks.
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    Dec 04, 2009 4:48 PM GMT
    You're having an extramarital affair and trusting that your partners are being completely open and honest about their own sexual activities? The logic doesn't flow very well here. You're being incredibly naive and more than a little foolish. Keep it up and you'll eventually pay for it.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Dec 04, 2009 4:49 PM GMT
    Food for thought: You know there is milk in a milkshake, but you don't always know what the other ingredients are.
  • Neon_Dreams

    Posts: 352

    Dec 04, 2009 4:52 PM GMT
    My milkshake brings all the boys to me.


    Joe
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    Dec 04, 2009 4:56 PM GMT
    Since your wife knows and accepts it... you are only a semi-douchebag then.

    Do whatever pleases you and you have fun doing. If you get a STD just go get a shot or some anti-biotics
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    Dec 04, 2009 5:25 PM GMT
    laxdude25 saidhey, I'm a bi married guy with zero sex at home (and my wife is aware of my m2m play. we have a great relationship, although clearly not a "normal" one), and in the past had a monog 5 year situation with a young bi guy i met playing soccer. after a year of trust and testing, we went raw, and it worked great. both of us committed to not messing around outside of our relatationship, except for non-contact jo. he was not into other guys at all, and so there was no safety issue. we "broke-up" when he decided he wanted a committed bf that he could build a life with, so i went back on the market. i've recently met a great guy, bi with gf, who would like to go raw. however, i know he is big into getting sucked by other guys, although he is not into fucking other guys and if we go raw would only fuck with me. i have done a lot of reading, and it is clear that he could pick up gon, syph and chlamydia just by getting sucked, and pass it on to me in my butt or elsewhere, although the risk of hiv seems low. the sex with this guy is amazing, we have a great connection, i'd appreciate your thoughts on whether we go raw or not.


    Depends if you like disease, risk, and so on. You're a smart guy, right? Read up on the risks. Sounds like you already decided not to be responsible about much of anything.
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    Dec 04, 2009 5:33 PM GMT
    Play it safe and USE a condom! You never know someone 100% and must protect YOU.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Dec 04, 2009 5:37 PM GMT
    Is it really worth it to risk it? Do you know for a fact what your buddy is doing the rest of the time? It's not worth it. Use a condom.
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    Dec 04, 2009 5:39 PM GMT
    The guy has already told us he's not responsible to his wife, nor the safety of his marriage, nor to his lover. It would seem out of character, given what we know thus far. It sounds to me more like he wants validation for continued, ongoing, bad behavior, and is trolling for a positive response.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Dec 04, 2009 5:39 PM GMT
    It's really kind of shocking that in this day and age there are still grown men running around so utterly naive about the importance of safe sex
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    Dec 04, 2009 5:44 PM GMT
    CONDOM CONDOM CONDOM

    no, seriously, use a condom.

    I've advised patients: just because you have a regular buddy, doesn't mean you're the ONLY regular buddy (and their regular, and their regular's regular, etc etc).

    Use a condom.
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Dec 04, 2009 5:52 PM GMT
    hey guys, i was NOT looking for validation for bad behavior. i had done a lot of reading and checking out the facts, and i appreciate the responses here. believe it or not, i plan to heed the advice i've read here, also reinforced by my own reading.
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    Dec 04, 2009 6:01 PM GMT
    jockalone saidplay safe. you have too much at risk not to.


    I agree.
  • KepaArg

    Posts: 1721

    Dec 04, 2009 6:05 PM GMT
    icon_smile.gif wrap it up
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    Dec 04, 2009 6:13 PM GMT
    Given that he clearly stated that his wife knows about his outside sex life and that he gets no sex at home, I'm not sure why everyone is being so quick to call the OP a douchebag.