How do you out yourself?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 28, 2007 3:54 PM GMT
    Every time I read this subject, there's always the subtext that you aren't normal unless you come all the way out. and you are benefited by the rights fought by gay movements while you enjoy security staying in.

    But how do you come out? I can see telling close friends and family a little more detail about me. but how out should one be in the rest of my life? "Hi, I'm gay"? or act to set everyone's gaydar by talking about bf and stuff? If I keep my private business to myself, am I still out? Cause all the company i work in, they never ask any personal detail except if you are married or not.

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 28, 2007 5:22 PM GMT
    I think this subject is ridiculous. You live your life the way that makes sense based on who you are, your goals, objectives and comfort level... not by what others think or perceive or comment.

    If you are happy with where you are at, don't change a thing. Don't allow others to make you think that you should change anything, unless you wish to. You are who you are and it should be respected.
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    Dec 28, 2007 5:48 PM GMT
    I don't go around telling people I am gay nor do I expect straight people to go around and declare their sexual preference. To me it is a moot point.

    The people who know that I am gay are shocked because I don't fit (their words) 'the profile'. My usual response is 'what profile is that? Happy and content?'. Granted I haven't told the world either for various work and family reasons, but then again...for the most part, my personal life is my own and unless they are part of it...none of their business.



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    Dec 28, 2007 6:45 PM GMT
    well, this just happen to me. our cafeteria has a pretty gay guy there. I have coworker told me he's been touching them and flirt. He's now put an interest on me and start to ask if i'm married and who I live with. If i told him, who know how he'll spray the words, yet by not doing so, does that mean i'm in the closet?
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    Dec 28, 2007 6:52 PM GMT
    I think bringing your BF around and holding hands should be enough of a sign.

    Lacking a man you could leave porn DVD's around the house or in the car...

    In the company does it matter? Do you want everyone else to tell you they are most certainly straight? Why should sex be a factor.
    "Hi, I'm bob and I'm a hetero" - that sounds strange.
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    Dec 28, 2007 7:32 PM GMT
    Usually walking into a room does it for me.

    Just kidding.

    I came out when I was 15, so being gay has always been a part of who I am. I think when you seperate yourself from being gay and view it as this hidden identity, it makes it even harder. I don't think being gay has to do with whether you are str8 acting or a queen. It has to come from inside and be as much a part of you as your favorite song or your allergies.

    I often fiond peoiple think I am str8 at first, which I don't get. Once they get to know me, they know I am gay and that it is just another part of who I am. Just like my sense of humor or my tastes in music.

    My advice is to be yourself and let people understand all that you are. Being gay doesn't have to be the thing people identify you with, it should just be another piecve in the puzzle that is you. Just don't fall into the trap of assuming that unless they know, act straight. We are not straight by default because there has not been some big coming out event. We are gay and its just who we are - not the most important thing, but definately not the thing you hide.
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    Dec 28, 2007 7:39 PM GMT
    Oh never mind the "subtext" crap that you're not "normal as a gay man" until you come all the way out of the closet. That's hogwash. The degree to which you want to be open with others about your sexual orientation is your decision and your business entirely.... and also a matter on which you are 100% free to use your own discretion. Choosing to use it more often than not doesn't make you any more or less "out."
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    Dec 28, 2007 7:51 PM GMT
    ya i know it's my business. just when people say you are out, that must mean you have no intension to hide under any condition. I have no problem telling people. but there are situation that I feel uncomfortable, that make me "functional" out? lol I wonder how many are like me.
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Dec 28, 2007 8:28 PM GMT
    I'm going to quote Lucy Van Pelt ... "Good grief, Chuck!"

    Don't be a wuss and just be yourself. Ugh!

    If you don't feel like stating your sexual preference in a conversation, don't! If you want to, DO IT!

    You're an adult. icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 28, 2007 8:31 PM GMT
    I see where you are coing from. You should not push your sexuality into the faces of others. And you should make sure you are safe.

    I find that I let people make their own assumptions and things go from there. I think there are situations where your sexuality is not an issue and making it known is not needed. There are also areas in your life you must protect yourself.

    Use your best judgement and do what's right for you. As a community it isour responsibility to support each other not hate because of how out you may be.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 28, 2007 8:41 PM GMT
    "Mum, dad, I'm gay. Please pass the salt." icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 28, 2007 8:41 PM GMT
    ebl333 saidya i know it's my business. just when people say you are out, that must mean you have no intension to hide under any condition.


    I think you're being a little too analytical about this. icon_rolleyes.gifI mean, if it's in the interest of my public safety, I'm not going to tell somebody I'm gay. But I'm sure most can figure it out.

    There's no hard and fast rule on this. Just be yourself.

    Bill
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 28, 2007 8:51 PM GMT
    I guess I'd have to say I'm passively out. If the subject comes up, great. If someone at the office sees me out with a guy or at a bar and tells the office, so be it. If somebody asks me if I'm seeing someone, I'll tell them. The only downside of this, so far, is that my boss now regularly asks my advice when redecorating her office.

    That said, I don't advertise. "Hey, howya doing, by the way, I'm gay" just sounds awkward, no matter how you phrase it. If I'm gonna out myself to someone, there has to be a context or a reason for it. Otherwise, to me, it just sounds forced, like that awkward conversation nobody wants to have, followed quickly by the obligatory "so yeah, how about that weather?"

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    Dec 29, 2007 12:08 AM GMT
    I work in a very macho and homophobic industry. I never "declare" myself, but I made the decision long ago that I would never lie about it either. So if I'm asked a direct question, I tell the truth. If I'm not asked, I don't volunteer. And I don't sit by and allow homophobic remarks to go unchallenged, so that is often how someone figures me out.
    The truth is, in my business at least, being gay is a secondary characteristic. Meaning that, if they like and respect you, it's never a problem, but if for some reason they don't like you, you become "that faggot".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2007 12:21 AM GMT
    Jprichva, that makes sense. I work in a fairly open-minded environment - a state university. That said, the university is a bubble of relative liberality in rural Idaho, and I work directly with minors (potential college students) whose parents are products of rural Idaho, Washington, and Oregon. While my students might not have issues with my sexuality, some of their parents would. Hell, I have to make sure I'm wearing a shirt with sleeves that cover my tattoos just to present a "proper" appearance when I make school visits.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2007 12:23 AM GMT
    Zach--

    Did someone say "tattoos"? Funny, I don't see any at all in your profile pix..... icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2007 12:31 AM GMT
    Look closer...upper arms. icon_wink.gif
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    Dec 29, 2007 12:37 AM GMT
    Normally, people will ask me if I am since apparently I give off this gay kinda vibe, but usually I just work it into the normal conversation.

    "What are you doing this weekend?"

    "Me and the fella are going to catch a show."

    "Oh, you're gay?"

    "Yeah. Don't know if we're gonna see this...."

    I'm fortunate that the people I work with are open minded and really don't mind at all (one of the perks working at a state-run facility). That's with my co-workers. The employees that work under me, since it's not a factor in their job either way, I don't come right out and say, but a few I do tell because they either are gay themselves, or they flat out asked, and even when they do ask, it's not an issue.
  • Artesin

    Posts: 482

    Dec 29, 2007 4:42 AM GMT
    I told like three or four friends then it spread to more now my best friend introduces me as her gay. So it's automatically done for me icon_rolleyes.gif . Not that I care I love gaging peoples reactions.