So my boyfriend came over for Thanksgiving dinner...

  • TexanMan82

    Posts: 893

    Dec 07, 2009 4:30 PM GMT
    Some of you might remember me posting a couple months ago that my mom asked me if I was gay, yadda yadda yadda, and of course I came out to her then. I told her about my boyfriend, all that jazz.

    Anyway, so Thanksgiving was approaching and I was a little nervous about it all, what with the boyfriend and all. I was worried just because my parents had never asked about my boyfriend after I initially came out to them. I thought that maybe they weren't ready to be faced with that situation yet.

    So I sent them an email asking if it was OK that my bf came over for dinner. They replied, "of course!" Turns out, they had wanted to meet him, but were waiting for me to initiate it since they weren't sure if I was ready yet.

    So, Thanksgiving day arrives and my boyfriend comes over for dinner. We had decided beforehand that we would take it easy on affection and slowly introduce my parents to the "boyfriend thing".

    It was an awesome time. No awkwardness at all. My parents hugged my boyfriend and told him to make himself at home. The day went off without a hitch. I couldn't have planned a better day. My brother and sister in law were there as well, and they, too, were loving with him. My parents later told me that they liked him and still tell me over the phone when I talk to them to tell him hello.

    I feel a little ashamed. All these years that I kept my sexuality a secret for fear of what my family would think of me. I feel like I didn't give my family enough credit for the love they have. It's truly a regret of mine.

    But, I guess there's no looking back, right? I'm so excited about the future.

    (Sorry for this turning out so long)
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 07, 2009 4:35 PM GMT
    Absolutely awesome!! Congrats for having such a fantastic time (and or your family as well). Sounds like you had a much better time than many straight families have with baggage and drama. I hope you have a great Christmas... maybe a repeat is in the works.

    Too often times we expect issues.. I hope you will help those who have families that are less tolerant. Have a great holiday season.

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    Dec 07, 2009 4:45 PM GMT
    It was an understandable regret, however. Be thankful you know that now, but prolonged shame won't help you right now, just start having the great times you feared you weren't going to have!

    And congratulations!
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    Dec 07, 2009 5:19 PM GMT
    congrats icon_biggrin.gif
    must be a major self esteem.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2009 6:08 PM GMT
    Thats beautiful man ! Good luck to you both !
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2009 6:13 PM GMT
    Wow. Don't you worry, it's but normal to feel afraid of disappointment and rejection especially coming from your family. I have the same regrets, but life moves on. I'm glad your coming out and introducing your boy friend to the family turned out great, as so did mine. ;)

    Be thankful for your loving family, I'm sure you already are.

    Happy Holidays!
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    Dec 07, 2009 6:14 PM GMT
    That is WONDERFUL! I'm sooooo happy that you had such a GREAT first holiday 'out' to your family and with your BF nonetheless.
    Your family sounds like amazing people and I would be so proud to call them my own, as I'm sure you are.
    Congrats on the great Turkey Day first and the wonderful family support in your relationship, it makes such a world of difference.
    Happy Holidays TM!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2009 6:17 PM GMT
    So happy for you. Its a weight lifted off your shoulders by just coming out...now you have your families support...that must feel absolutely amazing. Congrat's.
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    Dec 07, 2009 7:20 PM GMT
    Congrats! A great story that seems to have had a happy ending (or beginning?).

    My own slightly similar and fairly recent story, though generations removed. I was to meet my partner's older brother from Boston for the first time, at their sister's house here in Florida. My partner warned me his brother is a homophobe, who hated my hubby's late partner.

    In fact, he's a retired Boston police officer, who later began his own businesses and became quite wealthy. But he would have little to do with his own brother, my partner, because of him being gay, and told him so. Indeed, much of the large & extended Italian-American family was that way, of whom this eldest brother is now the patriarch.

    So before the big meeting I asked my partner what his brother's interests & hobby's are. Well, he collects old cars, one of my own areas of knowledge. Plus I was in law enforcement like him, though military, not civilian. So OK, I see my tactical plan.

    The day came to enter the lion's den, and I went right over to introduce myself and greet him on my own, shaking his hand enthusiastically. No good cowering like a timid rabbit, or you will indeed get swallowed whole in a single gulp.

    I projected my most confident and butch persona, and in asking him about himself, made sure we focused on the subjects of old cars and police. I assumed, correctly, he wouldn't expect a gay guy to have any interest or ability in those areas.

    Cut to the chase: today my partner says his brother can't get enough of me. We talk on the phone together, and he insists we all meet during his visits down here, all go to his place, and go out for dinner on him, something he wouldn't do before. He's even nicer to his gay brother, according to my partner's own statements.

    Not all of these stories turn out happily, like the OP's & mine did, but I really believe we ourselves can do things to make for a good outcome. Often we need to take the initiative, show some courage, be willing to reach out and be flexible. Rome wasn't built in a day, but a foundation can be started in a single evening.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2009 7:36 PM GMT
    TexanMan82 saidSome of you might remember me posting a couple months ago that my mom asked me if I was gay, yadda yadda yadda, and of course I came out to her then. I told her about my boyfriend, all that jazz.

    Anyway, so Thanksgiving was approaching and I was a little nervous about it all, what with the boyfriend and all. I was worried just because my parents had never asked about my boyfriend after I initially came out to them. I thought that maybe they weren't ready to be faced with that situation yet.

    So I sent them an email asking if it was OK that my bf came over for dinner. They replied, "of course!" Turns out, they had wanted to meet him, but were waiting for me to initiate it since they weren't sure if I was ready yet.

    So, Thanksgiving day arrives and my boyfriend comes over for dinner. We had decided beforehand that we would take it easy on affection and slowly introduce my parents to the "boyfriend thing".

    It was an awesome time. No awkwardness at all. My parents hugged my boyfriend and told him to make himself at home. The day went off without a hitch. I couldn't have planned a better day. My brother and sister in law were there as well, and they, too, were loving with him. My parents later told me that they liked him and still tell me over the phone when I talk to them to tell him hello.

    I feel a little ashamed. All these years that I kept my sexuality a secret for fear of what my family would think of me. I feel like I didn't give my family enough credit for the love they have. It's truly a regret of mine.

    But, I guess there's no looking back, right? I'm so excited about the future.

    (Sorry for this turning out so long)


    Keep telling your story. As you so adeptly demonstrate, the demons are within, almost always (at least in this country). Eventually, some of the indoctrination of false belief systems will be forced off into background noise, if guys like you take a leadership role. KEEP SMILING!
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    Dec 07, 2009 7:38 PM GMT
    Good job! I'm happy for you icon_smile.gif
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Dec 07, 2009 7:41 PM GMT
    Bryan91 saidcongrats icon_biggrin.gif
    must be a major self esteem.


    ... must be a major self-esteem boost icon_wink.gif

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    smg01.JPG

  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Dec 07, 2009 7:44 PM GMT
    Thanks for the update.

    Shame can be a powerful (de-)motivator -- don't beat yourself up over it. One can't blame you for playing it safe when worried you might lose the love of your family. A tremendous weight has been lifted from your shoulder. Embrace it and leave that shame in the past, where it now belongs.

    Congrats!
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    Dec 07, 2009 7:50 PM GMT
    Very cool! And inspiring for those of us who haven't yet taken that leap. Sounds like you have a great opportunity to have an even closer relationship with your family moving forward. Congrats!
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    Dec 07, 2009 10:07 PM GMT
    What great heartwarming story. Makes me feel so damn good!

    I have the opposite situation with my mom and dad....the worst homophobic religious nutjobs ever.....yadda yadda yadda. A story like yours gives me an opportunity to feel ( vicariously) how good it must be.

    Bravo!

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    Dec 07, 2009 10:09 PM GMT
    That's so cool. Congratulations icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 08, 2009 12:16 AM GMT
    I am happy for you, TexanMan82!..It's always nice to read about something being positive and not negative. This is how it should be.
  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Dec 08, 2009 12:20 AM GMT
    Cool TexanMan! Your parents seem to be real supportive!! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 08, 2009 12:25 AM GMT
    Great story !!!! Congrats !!!! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Dec 08, 2009 1:44 AM GMT
    No need to feel ashamed.
    Almost everyone fears rejection from the people who are supposed to give their unconditional love: your family.

    Just be grateful every day that you are one of the lucky ones who has a family who accepts you just the way you are.

    Congratulations.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 08, 2009 2:44 AM GMT

    Great story. I'm v happy for your, your bf and your family. You all sound like amazing people. Crossing the 'telling them I'm gay' chasm is one thing; then confronting them with the reality of being gay meaning you may have a boyfriend is quite another. Kudos to all of you.

    As for regret, it is perhaps inevitable. But give yourself a big break - each of tends to do what we can when we can. You started coming out when you felt able to. Whose to say it would have all gone as well if you had pushed yourself to it sooner? In any case, you can't change the past. As C.S. Lewis put it: "The present is the only moment that touches eternity".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 08, 2009 2:48 AM GMT
    Congratulations!! Sounds wonderful.

    I will always be thankful for my parents. They were tops when it came to their gay son.
  • TexanMan82

    Posts: 893

    Dec 08, 2009 4:30 PM GMT
    Thanks for the replies, everyone.

    In a way, I want to show a lot of the closeted guys that most of the drama that accompanies coming out is in your head. Now I know a lot of families are unfortunately not like mine, but still, a lot are. Sometimes we don't give enough credit to those that love us. I've found that the most common reply to my coming out was, "Ok, we pretty much already knew."

    How anticlimactic, really.

    Again, thanks everyone.