Tiger Woods Jokes

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 08, 2009 9:55 PM GMT
    You knew it had to start....got these today in e-mails

    It was just reported that Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger!

    Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him.
    She said "I don't know exactly. but put me down for a 5."

    Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Apparently he was driving his Cadillac "JustGotLade".

    Ping just offered Elin Woods an endorsement contract pushing her own set of drivers. They are said to be named Elin Woods..."clubs you can beat Tiger with."

    Word that Elin Woods was using a golf club as a “Rescue Club” now has been proved to be untrue as it now appears she was actually trying to
    knock the heck out of a Driver.

    Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family--his new name?: Cheetah

    Tiger had to cancel being in is own tournament. I hope he backs out of it better than he did his driveway!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 08, 2009 10:25 PM GMT
    "What do Tiger Woods and a baby seal have in common?"
    -"They both get clubbed by swedes."

    After the revelations have surfaces about Tiger's infidelity, he has changed his name channeling other felines. He is now Lion Cheetah Woods.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14303

    Dec 08, 2009 10:34 PM GMT
    I don't think that Tiger Wood's infidelity is any joking matter.
  • Acorns

    Posts: 273

    Dec 08, 2009 10:36 PM GMT
    I approve of this thread.
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    Dec 08, 2009 10:40 PM GMT

    Why does Tiger's wife have anger management issues and an abrasive disposition? Why is she violent, passive aggressive, and a danger to herself and others?

    .....because she's a woman.

    Adapted from the "Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?" joke.

    -JL3 ,"James loves the lovely ladies."

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    Dec 08, 2009 10:42 PM GMT
    tigerwoodschristmaspic.jpg
  • Glorfindel

    Posts: 277

    Dec 08, 2009 10:45 PM GMT
    I couldn't care less about Woods infidelity and don't know why people are so obsessed with it, it's a private matter. But the jokes are funny. icon_smile.gif


    What's the difference between a car and a golf ball?


    Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards....
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Dec 08, 2009 11:04 PM GMT
    Glorfindel said


    What's the difference between a car and a golf ball?


    Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards....


    Okay, that one made me laugh. Whew.
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    Dec 09, 2009 12:10 AM GMT
    My mother would be all for her giving him the shit she has since he got busted foolin around from all the suppressed "golf widow" feelings... She used to get soooooo mad at the old man because he used to spend so much time on the golf course...

    GuiltyGear said
    Why does Tiger's wife have anger management issues and an abrasive disposition? Why is she violent, passive aggressive, and a danger to herself and others?

    .....because she's a woman.

    Adapted from the "Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?" joke.

    -JL3 ,"James loves the lovely ladies."

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    Dec 09, 2009 2:00 AM GMT
    I just don't understand who'd want him. Those creepy eyes give me the shivers. I'm guessing there isn't much to play with south of the border either. If it wasn't for his golf stuff he'd just be another dork with bad breath. Playing Dungeons and Dragons all day.

    But anyway. These girls must have some imagination. Or they must be into small things. And there's nude pics of him out? Yuck - who the hell would want to see them? That'd be like seeing pictures of Don Rickles or George Bush. Thanks but no thanks.
  • westdave

    Posts: 212

    Dec 09, 2009 2:30 AM GMT
    DuluthMN saidI just don't understand who'd want him. Those creepy eyes give me the shivers. I'm guessing there isn't much to play with south of the border either. If it wasn't for his golf stuff he'd just be another dork with bad breath. Playing Dungeons and Dragons all day.

    But anyway. These girls must have some imagination. Or they must be into small things. And there's nude pics of him out? Yuck - who the hell would want to see them? That'd be like seeing pictures of Don Rickles or George Bush. Thanks but no thanks.




    don rickles, nude! LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2009 2:41 AM GMT
    DuluthMN saidI just don't understand who'd want him.

    He's got looong purse strings and a huuuuge bank roll. That explains it because yer right, he's not hot. He was a little hot when you thought he was the "good guy"; now he's got "cheater" face.
    jon_gosselin--300x300.jpgRackMultipart.24409.0_feature.jpg?125978
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    Dec 09, 2009 5:14 AM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    DuluthMN saidI just don't understand who'd want him.

    He's got looong purse strings and a huuuuge bank roll. That explains it because yer right, he's not hot. He was a little hot when you thought he was the "good guy"; now he's got "cheater" face.
    jon_gosselin--300x300.jpgRackMultipart.24409.0_feature.jpg?125978

    douchebags.jpg
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    Dec 10, 2009 2:21 AM GMT
    Funkapottomous said
    douchebags.jpg


    Lordy, that was funnier than even the Tiger joke about driving a car by Glorfindel...which, BTW was hilarious!
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    Dec 10, 2009 2:26 AM GMT
    4911392_7763382565.jpg

    Oops, wrong thread. icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 10, 2009 2:27 AM GMT
    What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops at three hos.