Office Christmas Party

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    Dec 08, 2009 11:47 PM GMT

    Company Memo

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 1, 2009
    RE: Gala Christmas Party

    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

    Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

    Merry Christmas to you and your family,

    Patty

    ________________________________


    Company Memo

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 2, 2009
    RE: Gala Holiday Party

    In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

    Happy now?

    Happy Holidays to you and your family,

    Patty

    ________________________________


    Company Memo

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 3, 2009
    RE: Holiday Party

    Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

    Somebody?

    And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

    REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

    ________________________________


    Company Memo

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 4, 2009
    RE: Generic Holiday Party

    What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

    Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

    Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

    To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

    We will have booster seats for short people.

    Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

    I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

    There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!

    Did I miss anything?!?!?

    Patty

    ________________________________


    Company Memo

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All F*%^ing Employees
    DATE: October 5, 2009
    RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

    I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

    The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
    Drive drunk and die,

    The Bitch from Hell!!!

    ________________________________


    Company Memo

    FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
    DATE: October 6, 2009
    RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

    I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

    In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

    Happy Holidays!

    Joan
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    Dec 08, 2009 11:52 PM GMT
    Caslon12000 said
    management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.


    Isn't this what everyone really wants anyway?
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    Dec 09, 2009 12:09 AM GMT
    Our company Christmas (ooops Holiday) party is on Saturday evening and we had to buy tickets to go. Do you know who's not going?
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    Dec 09, 2009 12:29 AM GMT
    icon_rolleyes.gif
    bernd saidOur company Christmas (ooops Holiday) party is on Saturday evening and we had to buy tickets to go. Do you know who's not going?

    Who the fuck wants to pay to go socialize with the people you see every fucking day??? ... Who wants to go socialize with them for free, for that matter??? ... FTS! ... icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Dec 09, 2009 12:56 AM GMT
    jprichva saidPS....That was funny, Caslon, but it's been rolling around the intertubes for a few years so I've seen it before.

    Ok everybody, we gotta check with JP before we post anything to see if he has seen it before, I guess. ... icon_rolleyes.gif

    ...dont you have some phlegm to hock, jp?
  • Acorns

    Posts: 273

    Dec 09, 2009 12:59 AM GMT
    Oh wow!!

    I wish I had that job. It seems so fun.
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    Dec 09, 2009 1:02 AM GMT
    Caslon12000 said
    jprichva saidPS....That was funny, Caslon, but it's been rolling around the intertubes for a few years so I've seen it before.

    Ok everybody, we gotta check with JP before we post anything to see if he has seen it before, I guess. ... icon_rolleyes.gif

    ...dont you have some phlegm to hock, jp?


    I thought it was hilarious and I've never seen it before. Thanks Caslon!
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Dec 09, 2009 1:10 AM GMT
    At the last place where I worked, one supervisor was always in charge of the Christmas party.
    She always begged and begged as many people as possible to PAY to go to the party, to PAY for a gift to bring to the party, and to PAY for a band to play music at the party.

    At the first company where I ever worked, the owners PAID all expenses for every employee at a sit down dinner at a nice restaurant, and a band to play music.
    Plus, they gave you a Christmas bonus of one week's salary.
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    Dec 09, 2009 1:30 AM GMT
    Most companies call it a "year end party" these days. It takes away the "holiday" aspect and makes things more neutral for everyone.

    I guess it all depends on where you work and the people you work with. But that last place I worked, the year end parties were fun. Because the people were fun to work with. And it was open bar. icon_lol.gif
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    Dec 09, 2009 1:40 AM GMT
    I hadn't seen it, Caslon, and it gave me a good laugh. I love it when Patty tells them to drive drunk and die!
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    Dec 09, 2009 1:50 AM GMT
    Priceless, Caslon. Just what I've been thinking. I'm stuck here in Kansas and I don't get out much so it was new to me. Thank you and Merry Christmas! Or Happy Hanukkah, or Holidays or whatever pisses you off the least... icon_wink.gif
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    Dec 09, 2009 1:50 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    Caslon12000 said
    jprichva saidPS....That was funny, Caslon, but it's been rolling around the intertubes for a few years so I've seen it before.

    Ok everybody, we gotta check with JP before we post anything to see if he has seen it before, I guess. ... icon_rolleyes.gif

    ...dont you have some phlegm to hock, jp?

    Yes, I do, in fact---email me your address and I'll send you some.


    send me your address...

    i got a little                                   something for you


    This can't end well.


    TEEHEE
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    Dec 09, 2009 3:24 AM GMT
    You bitch!... will that do, jp? ... icon_lol.gif


    One______Mean______Goat saidHa, right. In the words of other RJockers: "Caslon has like 12,000 posts and thinks he owns the place." I win by default. People at least still send me fanmail.


    Just stop talking

    Ah, you have only been here since 11/29 and already you have gotten the word who's top jock here.

    KISS IT!
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    Dec 09, 2009 3:33 AM GMT
    One______Mean______Goat saidOh honey, make that 11/29/06. I just havent* bothered to register but Ive* been lurking and watching. Dont* think I havent*.

    NO adress Caslon  'til thousand posts!!1! ... it's in the rules...look it up ... icon_lol.gif
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    Dec 09, 2009 6:17 AM GMT
    You've got to climb to the top of Mount Everest
    to reach the Valley of the Dolls.
    It's a brutal climb to reach that peak,
    which so few have seen.
    You never knew what was really up there,
    but the last thing you expect to find
    was the Valley of the Dolls.
    You stand there, waiting for
    the rush of exhilaration
    you thought you'd feel - but
    it doesn't come.
    You're too far away to hear the applause
    and take your bows.
    And there's no place left to climb.
    You're alone, and
    the feeling of loneliness is overpowering.
    The air is so thin you can scarcely breathe.
    You've made it - and the world says
    you're a hero.
    But it was more fun at the bottom
    when you started,
    with nothing more than hope and
    the dream of fulfillment.
    All you saw was the top of that mountain-
    there was no one to tell you
    about the Valley of the Dolls.
    But it's different when you reach the summit,
    The elements have left you battered,
    deafened, sightless - and too weary
    to enjoy your victory.
    -Jacqueline Susann

    Caslon, Jackie knew all about what you'd have to endure once you reached that 12K mark. Don't let the little people get to you.

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    Dec 09, 2009 1:19 PM GMT
    turbobilly saidYou've got to climb to the top of Mount Everest
    to reach the Valley of the Dolls.
    It's a brutal climb to reach that peak,
    which so few have seen.
    You never knew what was really up there,
    but the last thing you expect to find
    was the Valley of the Dolls.
    You stand there, waiting for
    the rush of exhilaration
    you thought you'd feel - but
    it doesn't come.
    You're too far away to hear the applause
    and take your bows.
    And there's no place left to climb.
    You're alone, and
    the feeling of loneliness is overpowering.
    The air is so thin you can scarcely breathe.
    You've made it - and the world says
    you're a hero.
    But it was more fun at the bottom
    when you started,
    with nothing more than hope and
    the dream of fulfillment.
    All you saw was the top of that mountain-
    there was no one to tell you
    about the Valley of the Dolls.
    But it's different when you reach the summit,
    The elements have left you battered,
    deafened, sightless - and too weary
    to enjoy your victory.
    -Jacqueline Susann

    Caslon, Jackie knew all about what you'd have to endure once you reached that 12K mark. Don't let the little people get to you.


    Thank you.

    Anybody can have my 12000 posts, but they gotta take the cancer and the THERAPY with them.

    It's been a while. Maybe I should remind guys to get tested for prostate cancer. It's curable, if caught in time. But the cure is no walk in the park and it only gets worse the later in the disease that it is detected.

    See http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/150050/
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    Dec 09, 2009 1:52 PM GMT
    jprichva said
    Caslon12000 said
    Who the fuck wants to pay to go socialize with the people you see every fucking day??? ... Who wants to go socialize with them for free, for that matter??? ... FTS! ... icon_rolleyes.gif

    Our shindig is Friday night, and I'm going, since I've been repeatedly told that the parties the company throws are legendary. Lord knows they have enough cash flowing to toss a true bacchanal. So I'll report back to you all on the decadent goings-on from South Florida.

    PS....That was funny, Caslon, but it's been rolling around the intertubes for a few years so I've seen it before.


    there's a thread for those party stories in case anybody wants to share

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/742362/