Busy or just being strung along?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2009 4:39 AM GMT
    Hey guys,

    I was wondering if I could get some advice on dating tips. I started meeting guys out in the community, and I met one a couple of times, and had a lot of fun. I want to get back together with him, but he keeps telling me that he is busy with his work and the holidays to see me this month. He works nights and I work days, getting off an hour after he starts, so there is some truth to that, however I always believed that if someone wants to see someone else they make it happen.

    He still does message me once and a while, however I kind of get the feeling that he just wants to sleep with me.

    So how do I tell if he is sincere with being busy this month, or stringing me along to get in my pants?

    Or should I ask him if he just wants sex or wants to get to know me as a person?

    Any advice is greatly appreciated.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2009 5:57 AM GMT
    I'm always up for upfront truth.. personally, I'd just ask or I'd just forget about him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2009 2:38 PM GMT
    People constantly over exaggerate how busy they are. It's a convenient excuse in today's culture. But you're right that if he really wanted to see you he would make the time. Nobody's SO busy that they can't take a little time out to see or call someone they really want to. Be upfront in asking him what he really wants with you. I learned to do this a while back. The older I get, the less patience I have with time-wasting games. However, being upfront with your questions doesn't mean he'll be upfront with his answers. A lot of gay guys are flaky and don't really know what they want.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2009 3:00 PM GMT
    Drop him, for these reasons:

    1. The chances are that he is indeed stringing you along, and this is going nowhere as the kind of relationship you evidently want. Cut your losses now.

    2. If he really is interested in you, and is truly busy at the moment, then he'll follow-up on his own later. But don't hold your breath.

    3. There's an "opportunity cost" to wasting your time in a non-starter situation, in terms of all the other guys you aren't meeting and getting to know, especially at this party time of the year.

    Best of luck to you. icon_biggrin.gif
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Dec 11, 2009 3:03 PM GMT
    If I'm interested in someone, I make the time. If I'm not, you have no idea HOW busy I can be icon_eek.gif
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Dec 11, 2009 3:16 PM GMT
    This situation is incredibly common. Actually, I am probably guilty of it too. If I have an interest in someone and we start dating, then all of a sudden someone in my past wants to reconnect, I invariably put this person on hold. It doesn't mean I don't want to date that person from my past, it means, I can't right now.

    Don't burn your bridges, find something else to occupy your time, and just let the other guy know that when he has time to go on a date to let you know. Put the responsibility in his court and you don't have to worry about it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2009 3:18 PM GMT
    lol Chainers, no one is that busy unless they're an ER doctor, and even then.....

    Feel good, look in another direction and walk there instead of going into a holding pattern. This is how you find out if he's a flake or not. Flakes are great in pastry and cereals but not in men. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2009 3:37 PM GMT
    It also depends on his job. I had a few dates with a CNN reporter. I say a few because he really had no time for a personal life. I've had jobs like that so I was quite patient. I was on TV all the time so I knew he was working hard. He was covering one of those topics that the public can't get enough of. He was late for the first couple of dates and had to return to work afterwords. We finally had a nice long dinner together and discussed his work. He admitted he has no personal life and that the organization treats you like a slave. The pay is not great because they know everyone likes the glamor of being on TV.

    Many of us were suckered into jobs early in our careers that absorbed all our personal time for fortune or fame. I do remember starting a new job and being invited to my boss's daughter's bat mitzva. His wife's best friend and I hit it off but when she kept calling me afterwords like she had finally found an eligible bachelor, I found my long hours gave me a good excuse. Had she been a male equivalent, I would have found the time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2009 3:39 PM GMT
    He's not that into you. Move on
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2009 3:43 PM GMT
    I'm going to agree with Blondizgd and others. He's not really interested in you. If he were, he'd find time for you. Nobody is SO busy they can't take two minutes to call you. He's sending texts but if they are just repeating the busy line, move on. Tough pill to swallow man. It does suck. But move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2009 4:32 PM GMT

    If a gay guy is crushing or liking sex with a guy. Ha! What is busy!!?? That man won't be busy. You get busy finding someone else.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Dec 11, 2009 4:41 PM GMT
    One of the tricks to finding, and maintaining, a relationship is finding that middle ground between "too busy" and "too available".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2009 4:43 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidOne of the tricks to finding, and maintaining, a relationship is finding that middle ground between "too busy" and "too available".


    What is too available in a relationship? Why do men play such stupid games?!
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Dec 11, 2009 5:43 PM GMT
    Blondizgd said
    CuriousJockAZ saidOne of the tricks to finding, and maintaining, a relationship is finding that middle ground between "too busy" and "too available".


    What is too available in a relationship? Why do men play such stupid games?!



    I didn't mean it in the "games" sense, or even while you are IN a relationship. What I meant was finding that balance between being to available (which can be a bit off-putting to someone when you're first dating) and too busy (which can make someone feel that the "busy" one is really not interested).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2009 5:47 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    Blondizgd said
    CuriousJockAZ saidOne of the tricks to finding, and maintaining, a relationship is finding that middle ground between "too busy" and "too available".


    What is too available in a relationship? Why do men play such stupid games?!



    I didn't mean it in the "games" sense, or even while you are IN a relationship. What I meant was finding that balance between being to available (which can be a bit off-putting to someone when you're first dating) and too busy (which can make someone feel that the "busy" one is really not interested).


    Thnx for the clarification
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2009 5:54 PM GMT
    I'm in agreement with the other posts that say "move on".
    Try to think about it this way;
    Are you really willing to put your life on hold till he decides he is available?
    And what sort of precedent does this set? Do you really want to spend your time and energy in a relationship where you are pining for time with him?
    The beginning is supposed to be a time where you put your best foot forward and can't see enough of each other or at least have a connection where there isn't a question about the other's intent. You deserve better... I say cut your losses and move on.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Dec 11, 2009 6:18 PM GMT
    How nicely "Codependant" of you not to ask icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2009 6:34 PM GMT
    Blondizgd said

    What is too available in a relationship?


    VelcroStrips.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2009 6:52 PM GMT
    "IF A GUY IS INTERESTED IN DATING YOU HE WILL MAKE TIME TO MAKE IT HAPPEN”

    Simply put.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2009 7:02 PM GMT
    Just ask how straight out what he wants. If he wants to see you in a dating capacity, then he should be trying to make time to see you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2009 7:55 PM GMT
    Thanks for the advice guys. I have been seeing others in the community as well, I think i'm just hung up on this guy cause I don't know what is going on with him. He doesn't always say he is busy because I only asked him to hang once, but he does msg me at times, and the last time we talked he said that he hoped to chill soon. I told him likewise, too bad your always busy, and he replied sahing it was just a bad month.

    I guess time will tell if he is telling the truth, lol.
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Dec 11, 2009 8:23 PM GMT
    I think guys make excueses.
    To be too busy to live is no life at all.
    Let me know when you want to get some coffee. I'll go on a date.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2009 8:36 PM GMT
    RE: the balance between too available and too busy.

    You know how it went for us? We looked at this 'balance', looked at each other and said, "CRAP"

    We both decided we didn't have time to PollyAnna or teenager it around.

    You can't possibly equate being available to velcro. That's a better example of clinging or micro managing each other.

    The available or busy balance thing is a game; it's intent is to entice. If someone runs off scared by availability you just found out a whole lot about that person.

    (OK I'm feeling impatient, apologies men!)

    -Unicorn pawing the ground

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2009 8:56 PM GMT
    n8698u said"IF A GUY IS INTERESTED IN DATING YOU HE WILL MAKE TIME TO MAKE IT HAPPEN”

    Simply put.


    Yeah I completely agree.
    You always want to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but you also have to respect yourself at the same time.

    1. Never make someone your priority when they only make you an option.
    2. Give back what you receive.

    Don't make yourself seem desperate and cling on to something or someone that's not worth investing energy in.


  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Dec 11, 2009 9:03 PM GMT
    STORY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Busy my ass

    With all the ways to communicate these days, no matter how busy you are, there is NO excuse for not talking or responding to someone, especially now that everything is mobile