Friendship or Relationship

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2009 1:59 AM GMT
    Hey guys,

    I was just curious to see if you'd rather become friends with someone you love, or would you want to be his boyfriend?

    I'm not talking about the whole friends with benefits concept. And I know that the attraction you find in friends doesn't necessarily mean the same attraction in a boyfriend.

    But I was thinking, when you really like/love someone for who he is, which would you prefer? When you're friends, you can share all the ups and downs in life, and possibly be someone as valuable as, say family?

    On the other hand, when you're in a relationship with a guy, you may eventually end up either having a life-time commitment or being separated.

    Is either form of relationships more ideal than the other?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2009 3:34 AM GMT
    I've never had a good experience with the whole "settling with being friends" thing if I felt a genuine romantic love towards someone. Just left me with a bitter taste in my mouth.
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    Dec 13, 2009 3:39 AM GMT
    'Tis better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. I think it would be blatantly ridiculous if you both had romantic feelings to not pursue them. Most adults can manage to be friends if it doesn't work out.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Dec 13, 2009 3:40 AM GMT
    Before something complicated happens, such as dating or some situation more intimate, I can be a friend or boyfriend. Sometimes life doesn't let you choose. Perhaps they are already in a relationship, or they have affections for someone else.

    I think either way it is a win/win situation, and you just have to be satisfied that you have a special person in your life.
  • Neon_Dreams

    Posts: 352

    Dec 13, 2009 3:52 AM GMT
    Sometimes friendships evolve into relationships and other times relationships can become friendships. Either way, the connection can be life-long or just for a moment. With maturity and open, honest communication, anything is possible. I try to "think outside the box" regarding interpersonal connections.


    Joe
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2009 4:04 AM GMT
    lol and sometimes it isn't either/or.....


    -us
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2009 4:04 AM GMT
    ............................................

    Friends for sure. That'll make for a different sorta parade. We can all just start being friends with each other with 0 benefits. We can wear scuba gear to our parade....it's the closest we'd get to going down cause we'd all be friends. Screw that. A friendship can dissolve the same way a friendship can. And what to do, stay "safe" and not go for it when really into a guy. C'mon. A relationship may go hot and hard, burning out quickly. So what? Gawd, the thrill of that ride. Be friends with guys you want to be friends with and more for those you want. I can't see using friendship as a safety precaution.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2009 4:35 AM GMT
    Ciarsolo7 saidI've never had a good experience with the whole "settling with being friends" thing if I felt a genuine romantic love towards someone. Just left me with a bitter taste in my mouth.

    Actually, it can be torturous.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2009 4:39 AM GMT
    These days, friends. I have so much more fun with someone without all the pressure from romance.
  • rdberg1957

    Posts: 662

    Dec 13, 2009 5:17 AM GMT
    I have not had any partners become friends in any meaningful way. For some reason, when we separated, either they or I didn't want that. There is a guy I dated in 2000 and he moved to AZ. I went and visited him once, we talk online briefly, but that's about it. My first partner and I were together 2 years. I was 22 when we met; he was 47. When I moved away to go to grad school, we just saw each other less and less. He wrote letters to me for a few years, but I wrote back very little, mostly because I was trying to get over the loss of the relationship and make my way through grad school. Hell, I'd like friends or partners. My friends are straight men and one gay man who is coupled and 71.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2009 3:34 PM GMT
    If I love someone then I would want to have a relationship with him. Friends are good but there are certain things you can't share with friends but only someone you love and want to be with all the time. So why let a chance of finding something special slip away just because you were afraid of how it will go.
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    Dec 13, 2009 10:18 PM GMT
    joecoolnv saidSometimes friendships evolve into relationships and other times relationships can become friendships. Either way, the connection can be life-long or just for a moment. With maturity and open, honest communication, anything is possible. I try to "think outside the box" regarding interpersonal connections.


    Joe


    I guess that's true.

    Btw thanks you all for inputs!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2009 10:27 PM GMT
    I want to be in love!! The kind of love that goes to the very core of your soul, the kind of love that can make you feel every emotion amplified by 100 times.

    Pure unadulterated unconditional love!!
  • Neon_Dreams

    Posts: 352

    Dec 14, 2009 4:30 PM GMT
    dsato17 said
    joecoolnv saidSometimes friendships evolve into relationships and other times relationships can become friendships. Either way, the connection can be life-long or just for a moment. With maturity and open, honest communication, anything is possible. I try to "think outside the box" regarding interpersonal connections.


    Joe


    I guess that's true.

    Btw thanks you all for inputs!


    Your certainly welcome, new buddy of mine!


    Joe
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2009 5:30 PM GMT
    Why can't you begin as friends and lead up to a relationship? There is nothing wrong with having both. Getting to know someone can take some time but can be very worthwhile in the end. Sometimes the best loving and committed relationships begin as a friendship. icon_biggrin.gif
  • MercuryMax

    Posts: 713

    Dec 14, 2009 5:56 PM GMT
    I never realized that this was debatable like that. Maybe I'm just set in the ways of tradition, but I figure if you truly love someone, then the desire would be for a relationship as a boyfriend or more.

    I want a boyfriend. You're boyfriend can be your friend too. It doesn't have to be a trade off.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2009 6:06 PM GMT
    Why does it have to be one or the other? Why can't you have both?
    Loving someone as a boyfriend is a way to learn how to be the best friend you can to them by knowing them so intimately. The challenge is are you man enough to love him the best way you know how even if you aren't "together"?
  • Neon_Dreams

    Posts: 352

    Dec 15, 2009 3:42 AM GMT
    EasilyDistracted saidWhy does it have to be one or the other? Why can't you have both?
    Loving someone as a boyfriend is a way to learn how to be the best friend you can to them by knowing them so intimately. The challenge is are you man enough to love him the best way you know how even if you aren't "together"?


    Sometimes it takes Courage to be a person's friend, for life, without the sex and physical connection stuff.


    Joe
  • nv7_

    Posts: 1453

    Dec 15, 2009 3:49 AM GMT
    jimbobthedevil saidThese days, friends. I have so much more fun with someone without all the pressure from romance.


    You may have a point...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2009 4:17 AM GMT
    joecoolnv saidSometimes it takes Courage to be a person's friend, for life, without the sex and physical connection stuff.
    Joe

    I agree Joe, but it takes even greater courage and strength to learn to be someone's friend after being lovers. My ex of 6 years is my best friend and if it hadn't been for the "sex and physical connection stuff" our friendship would be vastly less than what it is, and he is the only person who I know, where we will see each other to the grave. I'm not saying you can't have a meaningful friendship without the physicality but what I am saying is the two are not mutually exclusive and to imply such removes some very substantial individuals from that circle of friends that are "for life". joaquin
  • Neon_Dreams

    Posts: 352

    Dec 15, 2009 4:38 AM GMT
    EasilyDistracted said
    joecoolnv saidSometimes it takes Courage to be a person's friend, for life, without the sex and physical connection stuff.
    Joe

    I agree Joe, but it takes even greater courage and strength to learn to be someone's friend after being lovers. My ex of 6 years is my best friend and if it hadn't been for the "sex and physical connection stuff" our friendship would be vastly less than what it is, and he is the only person who I know, where we will see each other to the grave. I'm not saying you can't have a meaningful friendship without the physicality but what I am saying is the two are not mutually exclusive and to imply such removes some very substantial individuals from that circle of friends that are "for life". joaquin


    I agree wholeheartedly.


    Joe
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2009 6:11 AM GMT
    CapeAnnAthletic saidI want to be in love!! The kind of love that goes to the very core of your soul, the kind of love that can make you feel every emotion amplified by 100 times.

    Pure unadulterated unconditional love!!
    I've heard this somewhere before o.o
  • Mccrae

    Posts: 69

    Dec 19, 2009 1:07 PM GMT
    MagickBoy saidWhy can't you begin as friends and lead up to a relationship? There is nothing wrong with having both. Getting to know someone can take some time but can be very worthwhile in the end. Sometimes the best loving and committed relationships begin as a friendship. icon_biggrin.gif


    my thoughts exactly!icon_wink.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Dec 20, 2009 1:58 PM GMT
    MagickBoy saidWhy can't you begin as friends and lead up to a relationship? There is nothing wrong with having both. Getting to know someone can take some time but can be very worthwhile in the end. Sometimes the best loving and committed relationships begin as a friendship. icon_biggrin.gif


    Yes ... sometimes they do
    But usually there is a difference
    When you meet someone and you are sexually interested in them
    it leads you off in a different direction than it would with a "friend"