I need some advice

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2009 10:31 AM GMT
    I've been with my bf for a couple years. Everythings good in the relationship. Its just the intimacy is sorta starting to slip. We love eachother much and respect eachother so. We're both young. But we're all mature and all. I have a high sex drive. It use to be amazing. But now, its happening every once in a while. I'm afraid to bring it up because when I ask when its not happening. He gets all defensive and kinda gets mad at me telling me that he still finds me attractive and that he still likes having sex with me but thats where it stumps me. If he does then why doesnt he? I do believe its probably an internal problem some where. But I just dont know what exactly to do? Sometimes I think about telling him but then I turn back and tell myself that its just sex. Kinda in the 'what was i thinking' category.I just dont know what to doooo. Hmph *stumped*
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    Dec 14, 2009 4:11 PM GMT
    First off, in my opinion there are two keys to a successful relationship: trust and communication. You have to have both to make it work. Looks to me as though there is a communication break down. Sit him down and talk about it. Sex is important, and can lead to all kinds of insecurities and problems. You have a need that isn't being met. Find out why. Maybe he's been depressed, or any number of reasons, but the bottom line is that you won't know unless you ask. How you phrase it is important too. It's the difference between him blowing you off and him listening to you. Ask if you need more advice. I'll stop there.

    Good luck!
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    Dec 14, 2009 4:17 PM GMT
    Zarin is absolutely correct. Trust and communications (although I'd reverse the order) are essential. A good relationship is well grounded in love (to include trust, honor and respect) and topped with sex. If there's some part that one is not comfortable with (physically, emotionally, whatever), it needs to be placed on the table and discussed. There are ways to fulfill another's sexual desires without having traditional sex. Better to get it out and discussed now than later.
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    Dec 14, 2009 4:23 PM GMT
    Well, as a long term relationship progresses, the frequency of intimate events will inevitably slip, so I wouldn't panic too much. It doesn't necessarily mean he's bored with you. If you're still emotionally intimate, comfortable with each other, those things will continue to develop and grow even if you aren't gettin' it on twice a night like you used to.

    But consider spicing things up and reinvigorating the romance. Going straight for the prize when you've got a boyfriend is fine every so often, but some guys like to be romanced in to it. This is a scenario that I've always wanted to do with a guy I love when I feel like the romance is starting to wane:

    I'm home early and I know my BF is coming home from work. I draw a bath with some luxury salts. From the front door to the tub, I light a path of candles for him to follow when he comes into the house, and play light relaxing music. He follows the candles, finds me waiting in the bathroom; I help him get undressed and into the tub (but I myself stay clothed and out); while he's soaking, I give him a massage, pour him a glass of wine, let him relax and even give him a few minutes to himself...

    You get the picture. Feel free to use that scenario, but that should give you some kind of direction on how to reignite the romance. And take it from there. If you still have the first flush of puppy love somewhere in your heart, you can keep things interesting. And don't be afraid to spice it up.

    Good luck!
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Dec 14, 2009 4:32 PM GMT
    When do you initiate sex?
  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    Dec 14, 2009 4:37 PM GMT
    Just a Phase he is going thro' we all do at times Love is more important!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2009 5:36 PM GMT
    flyhigh saidI've been with my bf for a couple years. Everythings good in the relationship. Its just the intimacy is sorta starting to slip. We love eachother much and respect eachother so. We're both young. But we're all mature and all. I have a high sex drive. It use to be amazing. But now, its happening every once in a while. I'm afraid to bring it up because when I ask when its not happening. He gets all defensive and kinda gets mad at me telling me that he still finds me attractive and that he still likes having sex with me but thats where it stumps me. If he does then why doesnt he? I do believe its probably an internal problem some where. But I just dont know what exactly to do? Sometimes I think about telling him but then I turn back and tell myself that its just sex. Kinda in the 'what was i thinking' category.I just dont know what to doooo. Hmph *stumped*


    While sex is needed for the pro-creation of the species, it's not needed for survival in any other sense. There's so much more to life than just sex. Nothing is worse than being hounded about it to the point of annoyance. If you're a sex addict, you'll probably never be happen in the situation you're currently in.

    Try being more balanced in your lifestyle. You may find moderation suits the situation better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2009 6:17 PM GMT
    Welcome to the roller coaster of a long term relationship. icon_smile.gif
    These things happen, if you're having a hard time talking, maybe you should consider couples counseling. Not to address the sex but the bigger problem which seems to be your communication. If one of you is in the dark, that's a problem.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2009 10:03 AM GMT
    haha, thanks for the advice guys.

    Yes, its not even that I have a problem talking or communicating. Because with everything else, if I feel something I'll let it be known. It's just that I don't want to upset with him, you know? He'll give me that "Why are you thinking that, you know I'm attracted to you" look. So I'm not sure. I was going to bring it up today, but again I backed down.

    I know love is more important, believe me, I'm all about love. Totally. Thats why I always second think, me thinking "oh its just sex."But later on when it hits me.... I still have some needs. Its not like I'm asking for everyday even. Hmph.
  • MercuryMax

    Posts: 713

    Dec 15, 2009 10:34 AM GMT
    flyhigh saidI've been with my bf for a couple years. Everythings good in the relationship. Its just the intimacy is sorta starting to slip. We love eachother much and respect eachother so. We're both young. But we're all mature and all. I have a high sex drive. It use to be amazing. But now, its happening every once in a while. I'm afraid to bring it up because when I ask when its not happening. He gets all defensive and kinda gets mad at me telling me that he still finds me attractive and that he still likes having sex with me but thats where it stumps me. If he does then why doesnt he? I do believe its probably an internal problem some where. But I just dont know what exactly to do? Sometimes I think about telling him but then I turn back and tell myself that its just sex. Kinda in the 'what was i thinking' category.I just dont know what to doooo. Hmph *stumped*


    LoL, u must be the top. Give ur btm boy some time to recover, cuddle with him more, tell him u just want a bj or hj.

    I remember tho, i stopped having sex with a guy i was dating (3weeks total),because of several reasons. He was arrogant to others, had an idiot sense of humor, had a stupid obscene nickname that he called all his friends by "black asshole", and his breath smelled bad 90% of the time. I asked him to get some mouthwash and all he said was "Nah,I don't like the stuff"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2009 11:32 AM GMT

    Cook and clean wearing nothing but baby oil and an apron. Men get all hot when you get all domn-estic like that.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2009 11:57 AM GMT
    MMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

    GuiltyGear said
    Cook and clean wearing nothing but baby oil and an apron. Men get all hot when you get all domn-estic like that.

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Dec 15, 2009 6:08 PM GMT
    Some things need to be cleared up

    It sounds like you're initiating sex and getting refused every once in a while
    The bingo moment is determinging how often you're being turned over to your right hand

    If it's just every once in a while
    and the sex when you have it is good
    I'd say you have nothing really to worry about
    But if you're hitting a dry spell ... and weeks and or months are involved
    and he begrudgingly lets you have sex with him
    Then you have a problem
    Sex is always the first casualty when there's a problem in a relationship
    and what you need to do in any case is talk with your man
    don't shy away from it because you're afraid of what you might hear
    It's better that you know now
    because you might have a chance to head it off at the pass
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Dec 15, 2009 6:50 PM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    Cook and clean wearing nothing but baby oil and an apron. Men get all hot when you get all domn-estic like that.




    Lol, I've had a lot of conversations with guys to find out if they own or wear aprons. I like the domestic look in a masculine man.

    200311028-001.jpg?v=1&c=NewsMaker&k=2&d=
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Dec 15, 2009 6:56 PM GMT
    There are a number of posts regarding the differences between sex drives for a long term couple. It is always suggested low testosterone, possible meds(like propecia) or something else that is physical determining the issue. Check that out first.

    I had a similar experience and found it was the propecia I was taking. Haven taken it for a few years it appeared to be killing my sex drive slowly. Once I switched to Avodart, the sexual issue went away within a few weeks.