Deciding your date age range limits?

  • trl_

    Posts: 994

    Dec 17, 2009 9:45 AM GMT
    I'm 20, and typically I have only considered being ageist and dating/being attracted to 18-25 year olds. After hanging around gay men of the 25-30 crowd I realized that I could totally have a relationship with someone that age if it were the right guy.

    I guess the beginning of this thread is just me thinking out loud. I really have no motive or questions to ask.
    The question would probably most likely be: Am I limiting myself by staying so close to my own age? Have any of you had experiences/paradigm shifts where you began to consider older or younger men?

    Edit: Sorry I just realized I posted this in the completely wrong forum. If any mods feel it's crucial to move it, be my guest....
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    Dec 17, 2009 9:53 AM GMT
    fizzle saidI'm 20, and typically I have only considered being ageist and dating/being attracted to 18-25 year olds. After hanging around gay men of the 25-30 crowd I realized that I could totally have a relationship with someone that age if it were the right guy.

    I guess the beginning of this thread is just me thinking out loud. I really have no motive or questions to ask.
    The question would probably most likely be: Am I limiting myself by staying so close to my own age? Have any of you had experiences/paradigm shifts where you began to consider older or younger men?

    Edit: Sorry I just realized I posted this in the completely wrong forum. If any mods feel it's crucial to move it, be my guest....


    It´s best to stop at 30 because on your 31st birthday you suddenly gain 50lb and all your teeth fall out.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Dec 17, 2009 2:45 PM GMT
    Love is blind, follow your heart, blah blah blah. By staying within a certain age range, you are limiting yourself to that age range (so yes, you are limiting yourself) but if you meet a good guy who's not in that range, then bend the rules. Age shouldn't be a dealbreaker, unless he's old enough that you're changing his diapers.
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    Dec 17, 2009 2:47 PM GMT
    It sounds like you've realized the rules you set should be rough guidelines rather than laws set in stone.
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    Dec 17, 2009 5:26 PM GMT

    It seems to me that, by thinking mainly in terms of guys nearer your age, but remaining open to the possibility that something could develop with someone older, you're taking a reasonable, open-minded approach.

    I cringe when I get a sense that guys have hard and fast rules about age, race, level of fitness, height, etc, etc. There is something about that approach that strikes me as crass and materialistic. It seems demeaning to everyone involved to take the sort of approach toward another human being that one might take when buying a used car (only model years between XX and YY, only these makes, etc, etc).

    En Vogue got it right back in 1992 !

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    Dec 17, 2009 5:35 PM GMT
    flieslikeabeagle said
    It seems to me that, by thinking mainly in terms of guys nearer your age, but remaining open to the possibility that something could develop with someone older, you're taking a reasonable, open-minded approach.

    I cringe when I get a sense that guys have hard and fast rules about age, race, level of fitness, height, etc, etc. There is something about that approach that strikes me as crass and materialistic. It seems demeaning to everyone involved to take the sort of approach toward another human being that one might take when buying a used car (only model years between XX and YY, only these makes, etc, etc).

    En Vogue got it right back in 1992 !




    I could not agree more. I used to be one of those guys who had hard rules about age, height, appearance and fitness level especially. I will fully confess to being shallow, crass and materialistic. As a result I got what I richly deserved - lots of alone time followed by a disastrous relationship where I was cheated on from day 1 and miserable for over 2 years.

    That experience, combined with my knee injuries and not having the 30" waist I once did woke me up big time. I realized that I'd rather be with someone capable of and daring enough to be loved and love me than some calendar model who is vapid, shallow and has the attention span and commitment level of a gnat.

    Even if there is no chemistry, by keeping an open mind and heart, you just might make a new friend, and in this world - that's not so bad.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19133

    Dec 17, 2009 5:36 PM GMT
    I would say remain open-minded and let the chemistry you feel (or don't feel) guide you to date (or not date) someone. Love is elusive enough to find without putting self-imposed limitations on it.
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    Dec 17, 2009 5:41 PM GMT
    I think age should be a rough guide, not an absolute rule. Mainly because the wider the gap, the less things you'll have in common.
  • italguynj

    Posts: 250

    Dec 17, 2009 5:41 PM GMT
    I heard a formula about this. But of course, it's all relative.

    Earliest you should date:
    Divide your age in half and add 7 to get the youngest you should date.

    Oldest you should date:
    Divide your age in half and add that number to your current age. Then subtract that number by 7 to get the youngest you should date.
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    Dec 17, 2009 6:59 PM GMT
    I don't have age limits because I would break them anyway. Plus, why limit yourself, especially when the pickins are slim?
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    Dec 17, 2009 7:09 PM GMT
    guidojock saidI heard a formula about this. But of course, it's all relative.

    Earliest you should date:
    Divide your age in half and add 7 to get the youngest you should date.


    YIKES! That means the youngest I could date would be 29.5, which seems way too young for me. On the other hand, I am presently dating a guy who is 33, which isn't far off from 29.5. Anything below 30 just seems too young for me. I feel like such a cradle robber as it is. My ex was two years older than me.

    guidojock said
    Oldest you should date:
    Divide your age in half and add that number to your current age. Then subtract that number by 7 to get the youngest you should date.


    That means the oldest I could date would be 60.5, which seems too old for me. I don't think I like these formulas.
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    Dec 17, 2009 7:19 PM GMT
    center saidIt sounds like you've realized the rules you set should be rough guidelines rather than laws set in stone.


    I second this notion!

    I used to set rules of being within 7 years either way. However, since college I've come to realize how silly that was. By limiting myself, I reduced the friendships possible and cut down on the lessons I could learn by hearing of the life adventures others have had.
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    Dec 17, 2009 7:31 PM GMT
    Personally I have found myself to be more attracted to older guys above 35. If I were ever single again, I would target one that age. They seem to have gotten most of their party boy stuff and game playing out of their system by then. Also if their body is still hot, then its more likely they will stay hot as they age. Don't limit yourself, you could be missing out on some awesome sex and more serious guys.
  • MercuryMax

    Posts: 713

    Dec 17, 2009 7:35 PM GMT
    I just got the number of a 37yr old, I plan on using it. If nothing, he seems like he'd be a really good friend. It didn't hurt that he's totally attractive lol.

    However, i like steer clear of someone who's a lot older than me, not just because they are usually less in shape than what I find attractive but also for the fact that I'd hate to be in a relationship that has my man more prone to be condescending or treating me like a child just because I haven't been through all the same experiences he has already gone through.icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Dec 17, 2009 7:55 PM GMT
    i feel so out of the loop i don't even know what i like anymore.
    not sure i ever had a specific type, either age, size..
    i'm sure i do but i only know when i'm in front of it.

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    Dec 17, 2009 8:04 PM GMT
    MercuryMax said
    I'd hate to be in a relationship that has my man more prone to be condescending or treating me like a child just because I haven't been through all the same experiences he has already gone through.


    That's because he would be showing you he doesn't respect you. I would avoid those with that particular quality in anyone, regardless of age.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2009 8:11 PM GMT
    I dated both younger and older guys before - range from 19 - 39/40 range. After about 6 years in the gay community dating/sleeping around, I'm dating someone who's a little older than me now, I'm in my late 20's. I find that most guys from 18-23 are just wanting to have fun, prob. not a good match to get serious with. I mean, most of them have their whole life ahead of them, and some just want to experience different guys. icon_biggrin.gif Food for thought - go with the guy you're compatible with, age is just a number. icon_wink.gif