A serious question, and I don't want this to degenerate into a "cat fight" if you're gonna say something nasty, don't I've heard already

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    Jan 02, 2008 3:08 AM GMT
    Black men


    Meet Your Future Black Husband. Free To Review Your Matches!

    this was one of those "Google" ad's on the side bar and I've seen lot's of them across the net, but curiously not so much in the "real world" media,

    My question is this: will there ever be a time, when I'll be " Mike" and not "Mike" the "black" guy if you surf the net you know that in porno, it's always " Black's on Blonde's, or "little white boy" this or "little white boy" that, will there ever in mankind be a colorless world ? aside from natural evolution.

    note to webmaster: I will pay for a spell check!
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    Jan 02, 2008 3:24 AM GMT
    Great question Mike! I think as long as people have preferences though, it will probably always be like that. I prefer blondes for porn but no such "requirement" for my partner. So maybe its only about peoples preference? Or maybe I am just naive and the people who put that there will think it will attract people who buy into the myth that black men are better endowed than white guys? I mean, have you ever seen an ad for "white dudes with really little ****s"? I think the ads you are talking about will always be divided into "worlds" of color, ethnicity, hair color and endowment. When it comes to porn, people know what they want and won't pay for something they have no interest in.
    As far as the "real world", I know I would never refer to you as Mike the "black" guy. But again, thats just me. There are a lot of ignorant people out there who define people by their skin, eyes, hair etc. I also think there are people out there who may say "Mike the "black" guy" out of sheer innocence/ignorance with no ulterior motive in mind. But I would be offended if I was "Charlie the "gay" guy" instead of just Charlie the guy. But unfortunatly, I think people exist who will always refer to us as above regardless of the reason. If we teach our children well, that won't be the case, except in porn icon_cool.gif
    PS I will chip in to that spell check fund!
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    Jan 02, 2008 3:32 AM GMT
    I think in porn, or sex for that matter, people are sexually wired for certain "tastes" as to what turn them on. Like, I like short men. I didnt choose that but that's the way I am.

    Now in society, will you ever be just "Mike" and not "Mike, the black guy"? Probably not in your lifetime. Racial distinctions are still with our society. Just like, as gays, we will never be fully accepted by society in our lifetimes.

    So, with that understanding, I would say that we all just ignore the distinctions that society places on us as best we can, and live our lives as best we can.

    Nice to meet you, Mike.

    Caslon
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    Jan 02, 2008 4:04 AM GMT
    Of course every gay man can relate, urbansurvivor, since on that level we are almost always "the gay guy" in general society. However, the gay connotation doesn't carry with it the history of race in this country, so I know it isn't quite as bad. It really does suck. But at least here you should be free of that thinking. Glad you joined us.
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    Jan 02, 2008 4:11 AM GMT
    I'll try not to be nasty, but I can't make any promises. Ok, why do black men have such a problem being DESCRIBED. You are a black man, so why do you have such an issue with being described or catagorized as such?

    And I gotta say, I find it funny that you are looking to the internet for impartial attitudes. The reason people are described by colors in porno is because porno is a shallow exploitation of physical attributes, such as color, age, dick size, etc:,. Ha ha, who cares about the inner beliefs or attributes of someone in a porn movie?

    As far as you, that is different. You are a person on this site and people are interested in who you are beyond your physical looks.

    This is why you filled out your complete profile, but I noticed, in the age, heigth, and RACE category you filled it out appropriately. Why? because all of those questions define who you are and yes, your race defines you.

    And that advertisement you mentioned : Meet Your Future Black Husband; what was so offensive about it? Some men only date black men so they'd be interested in a site such as that. I'm into fat men and I just signed onto a chubby chat site. If it has said "meet buff guys in your area" i'd have passed it by because I already belong to a site like that one, this one.

    It just cators to what I like and categorizes it in a specific location. LOL, like your hotlist, all white men (one black guy), which is fine, but are they really just men to you? No, they are white men and you are INTO white men ,otherwise, there might be a little more color featured there. If it is SUCH a colorless world, where in your hotlist are the latinos, the brothers, China men, Indian, where is the color??

    Being black affords you a lot of benefits because black men have certain natural gifts just like white men do, just like all races. Why is it a problem, even if your color is used by society to define you?

    I'm a man, a black man, a fine ass black man and so are you.

    n
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    Jan 02, 2008 4:30 AM GMT
    I've heard Barack Obama being referred to as "post-racial", so maybe we are at least on the threshhold of
    the time when you are just Mike.
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    Jan 02, 2008 4:34 AM GMT
    urbansurvivor saidBlack men


    Meet Your Future Black Husband. Free To Review Your Matches!

    this was one of those "Google" ad's on the side bar and I've seen lot's of them across the net, but curiously not so much in the "real world" media,

    My question is this: will there ever be a time, when I'll be " Mike" and not "Mike" the "black" guy if you surf the net you know that in porno, it's always " Black's on Blonde's, or "little white boy" this or "little white boy" that, will there ever in mankind be a colorless world ? aside from natural evolution.

    note to webmaster: I will pay for a spell check!


    I don't think the world will ever be colorless. It's human nature to recognize the differences in others. But just because someone points out a person's race doesn't make that a bad thing. Look at how many people "have a thing for" black guys, short guys, blondes, whatever. It's preference, not something to get worked up about in my opinion.
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    Jan 02, 2008 4:40 AM GMT
    urbansurvivor wrote: "...will there ever in mankind be a colorless world ? aside from natural evolution...."

    God I hope not - would that be an incredibly BORING way to live if everyone were the same...

    Islam has a saying: "Allah loves infinite variety."

    I believe all holy men and women would agree.

    I think that the question is not "...will there ever be a time, when I'll be " Mike" and not "Mike" the "black" guy..."

    but what you are really asking is "Will there ever be a time when 'Mike the black guy' either is not, or does not feel, descriminated against by the fact of that label?

    I do not know; along with you I can only hope.

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    Jan 02, 2008 5:14 AM GMT
    We are all stereotyped in many ways. I've been a nonconformist in many shapes and forms for a very long time and have faced ridicule and objectification because of the way I looked, acted and thought.

    Race is one of the most obvious forms of objectification, and in many ways, one of the easiest to personally overcome. There will be days when you won't be Mike the Black guy, but there will be times when you are Mike the gay guy, or Mike the Musician.

    You can choose to ignore the stereotyping, or you can take it as a personal goal to do work that actively changes it. You're not obligated to either and they both have personal benefits.

    Ignoring may help the short term let down but only if you act, will you increase your chances of seeing a day when people will live free, without being objectified.

    And btw "Meet your future black husband" is very insulting, you should write to the website and complain. That kinda idiotic and thoughtless crap is more dangerous than pure hate because people usually allow it to exist unchecked.

    Go rip em' a new one!
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    Jan 02, 2008 5:18 AM GMT
    I think this whole topic is odd. We want to be accepted as all the same people yet still celebrate diversity and heritage of where we came from.

    If we want to remove the colored glass from society we'd have to start by putting a stop to all celebration of what makes us different.
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    Jan 02, 2008 5:58 AM GMT
    I don't know that we all want to be accepted as the same -- we aren't all the same -- but would rather not be denigrated simply for such attributes as race or sexuality.

    Certainly people are diverse, and there is nothing wrong with that or celebrating our diversities, what is wrong is discriminating on those diversities without giving the person a chance. And for much of human history and even so today, much of humanity uses human diversity as an automatic grounds for discrimination.
  • Alan95823

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    Jan 02, 2008 6:21 AM GMT
    In all honesty, I think we're always going to have labels and categories to stick each other into. Some have less negative baggage than others, but I think they'll always be there.

    I don't see it as a color question, really, because I'm always "the gay guy" or "the pagan guy" or "the chunky but sweet guy". I'm rarely just Alan, except with people I'm close to. Even in my extended family, I'm "Alan, Barbara's son".

    Labels are convenient to use in conversation, it's simpler to call me "white" than "Caucasian" or more specifically "English/Scottish/Irish/French".

    I do wish our labels had fewer negative associations, though.
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    Jan 02, 2008 6:54 AM GMT
    Mike, you get described as "Mike, the black guy" just like I get variously described as "Joey, the [old | grey-haired | serious | big] guy". The problem for me, and I wonder if this resonates with you, is when people make unwarranted assumptions about what my being [old | grey-haired | serious | big] says about who I am.

    I AM old, I DO have grey hair, I DO tend to be serious, and (although I don't understand this one) people seem to think I'm big. But none of these characteristics have anything to do with who I am on the inside, apart from having shaped my experiences to some degree.

    You are a man, you are black. But making any assumptions about who you are and how you think would be absurd to any reasonable person based on these two objective facts.

    I think to some degree the objective observation will always be a part of identifying you. So would your being tall, or lean, or any one of a number of other things. We'll always describe people with visual cues. But hopefully, sometime in our lifetime, we'll not make the mistake of thinking that the visual cues describe the character of the person inside.
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    Jan 02, 2008 6:56 AM GMT
    Mike....as everyone else is alluding to...as long as people want a short, fast description or "category", we will always be described by our most obvious features.
    Your may be "Mike..that black guy", mine was always that "nice, fat redheaded guy". Now tell me honestly, you don't use the same "quick and broad-stroke paintbrush" for a fast description of people? Like maybe "that hot guy with the HUGE package!" or that "crazy bitch with big tits and 2 teeth"? etc...we are ALL guilty. Is it right or fair? no. Does it happen regularly? Yes..... I don't think most people are intentionally try to be degrading or condesending, just lazy..icon_cool.gif
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    Jan 02, 2008 7:01 AM GMT
    Its not that people see you and identify you (young, old, black, gay, asian, etc)..

    It that people - ignorant people - try to impose their concept of what you should be based upon that identification; try to limit you to a preconceived idea of what you can or can not be or do.

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    Jan 02, 2008 8:22 AM GMT
    ITJock said
    It that people - ignorant people - try to impose their concept of what you should be based upon that identification; try to limit you to a preconceived idea of what you can or can not be or do.



    IT Jock...who ARE these people that do this? Right, you never know. So what would you suggest, that Mike live his life assuming that everyone is ignorant and trying to box him in? It's not ok to be paranoid that way because in the end, you are the prejudice one who is discriminating against everyone based on your own delusional beliefs.
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    Jan 02, 2008 12:08 PM GMT
    highsierrahiker:
    this is the first thing you said that i agree with. This just proves to me that even people as different as me and you can find some common ground.
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    Jan 02, 2008 6:52 PM GMT
    I think people should see color, and celebrate who we are and what makes us different. Many black men are proud to be black men and they should be. We should all be appreciative of what we were given and not judged based on it.
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    Jan 04, 2008 5:16 AM GMT
    Funny true story - a few years ago here in Southern California, a girl asked me the name of one of the guys I played volleyball with. She tried to describe him to me - he's kind of short, good sense of humor, etc - I didn't know who she meant; she kept adding more information that could have applied to half a dozen guys until finally I said, "Oh, wait... you mean the BLACK guy?" She got very embarassed and said, "Well, uh, yeah." Turns out she was so insecure about possibly appearing to be racist that she was afraid to mention his one most obvious physical characteristic.

    Mike, I don't think the day will ever come that people won't notice that you're black. Hopefully that won't be all they see. But sometimes it does make it easier for you and for others to simply acknowledge the fact.
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    Jan 04, 2008 5:18 AM GMT
    wildboyorl saidhighsierrahiker:
    this is the first thing you said that i agree with. This just proves to me that even people as different as me and you can find some common ground.


    See, I'm not so terrible after all. ;-)