He wants nothing with me BUT...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 18, 2009 6:35 AM GMT
    I don't get it. After almost 4yrs, he says he never felt physically attracted to me that it was a mental thing. Above that, he says he only wants me as a friend but he calls me more than anyone I know. I don't even call my best friend as often as he calls me. Its calls when he takes a smoke break, goes driving somewhere, etc... I just don't get it. He's 22 almost 23 and says he doesnt want a relationship right now but from what I feel about it.. he wants his cake and wants to eat it too. We are supposed to be roommates next semester. I'm not sure what to do here. His cousins are telling me to wait it out. But i think he really needs to know what it is to lose me all together. Let me know just how lonely it would be without me around. I love him but I don't want to. I wish I could just let go but its hard.
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    Dec 18, 2009 3:54 PM GMT
    It's hard but you should let go and it shouldn't be about "teaching him a lesson", but rather to help yourself since his excessive verbal dependence is on you. If you are going to be roomies next semester, I would really try to axe things now so that you can actually live peacefully.
  • CAtoFL

    Posts: 834

    Dec 18, 2009 4:01 PM GMT
    When a relationship is uncomfortable, you should do one of two things. Either move closer to the person or move away from him. Changing that dynamic will give you a better understanding of your relationship than simply letting things stay static.
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    Dec 18, 2009 7:07 PM GMT
    Ryan_Andrew saidI don't get it. After almost 4yrs, he says he never felt physically attracted to me that it was a mental thing. Above that, he says he only wants me as a friend but he calls me more than anyone I know. I don't even call my best friend as often as he calls me. Its calls when he takes a smoke break, goes driving somewhere, etc... I just don't get it. He's 22 almost 23 and says he doesnt want a relationship right now but from what I feel about it.. he wants his cake and wants to eat it too. We are supposed to be roommates next semester. I'm not sure what to do here. His cousins are telling me to wait it out. But i think he really needs to know what it is to lose me all together. Let me know just how lonely it would be without me around. I love him but I don't want to. I wish I could just let go but its hard.


    You can only affect yourself to any major degree. You need to ACCEPT that he does NOT feel the same way about you as him, for whatever reason, which really doesn't matter. The FACT is he does not feel the same way. If you cannot modify your behavior and viewpoint appropriately you need to remove yourself from the situation. If you can't or won't accept him on his terms you need to vacate the relationship no matter what it be.

    You need to take time to re-read what you wrote. It comes across as very self-serving, self-centered, selfish, and immature.
  • TexanMan82

    Posts: 893

    Dec 18, 2009 7:20 PM GMT
    Fuck him. Literally, then figuratively!
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    Dec 18, 2009 7:35 PM GMT
    i suggest you start being selfish....and only look out for yourself as you seem to not have done so in a long while in regards to this fella.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Dec 18, 2009 7:44 PM GMT
    Well it's really a no-win situation. It's hard when you get into a relationship with someone and after awhile one party figures out that it doesn't work for him on a physical level. I honestly don't think it is all that bad since he really appreciates something with you, possibly it is meant to be just a relationship as friends.
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    Dec 19, 2009 2:20 AM GMT
    He calls a lot because he wants to talk to his "friend", plus, sometimes when cutting it off with a guy, part of you would rather not and you cling despite what's good for yourself or him. Take it as a compliment. He really likes you and cares, just not as a boyfriend. I'd say stay his friend, but your heart is too into it. Break it off with him and I mean everything. He's only gonna cling to you as a caring friend especially since he knows you hurt and that's gonna drive you nuts because friends discuss boys. When he gets out there again, you'll be the first to hear of it.

    ..........................................
    haagen-dazs.jpg


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2009 2:24 AM GMT
    Ahh mate, he's just keepin ya around so that he won't be alone. I'm not sure how the situation is but i would say don't move in with him. You might end up getting hurt later
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Dec 19, 2009 2:52 AM GMT
    GuiltyGear saidHe calls a lot because he wants to talk to his "friend", plus, sometimes when cutting it off with a guy, part of you would rather not and you cling despite what's good for yourself or him. Take it as a compliment. He really likes you and cares, just not as a boyfriend. I'd say stay his friend, but your heart is too into it. Break it off with him and I mean everything. He's only gonna cling to you as a caring friend especially since he knows you hurt and that's gonna drive you nuts because friends discuss boys. When he gets out there again, you'll be the first to hear of it.

    ..........................................
    haagen-dazs.jpg



    Your so right GuiltyGear,
    I'v had to break off a friendship with a str8 guy because i was way too into him and he knew it , he just wanted to remain friends but still hang out with me at the gay clubs and spend the night at my place..I just stopped calling him and it ended..I hear he's now married to a swedish girl with 2 children...
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    Dec 19, 2009 3:39 AM GMT
    Well I am not usually one think to think of my own needs. Thats a fault I have had my entire life. I wish I wasn't like that but yeah... just somethings about ourselves we can't change. I've given this guy the world and been the one that has tried to build him up when not even his own family would give him the time of day. Now he has new friends and people are actually giving him the time of day and including him in things. Im happy for that. I really am but I just hate how he treats me now. And its like when they aren't around, he comes to me and he's himself again. I feel like he doesn't need me anymore. And if he does... its just to keep him happy when on one else is there for him. I feel used in a way. I guess thats what makes it hard.
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    Dec 19, 2009 3:48 AM GMT

    Yes, Guilty and his old bag of video clips.
    ............................................

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2009 3:56 AM GMT
    Be there done that. I fell the wrong dudes especial straight men. Listen GG advice
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    Dec 19, 2009 3:56 AM GMT

    Well, hard to think of his needs when they are being met else where. I'm sorta like you, I love to please other people, but if that is our need, how can we fulfill it with someone we can't please? You aren't completely saintly, you please others, which in turn pleases you. Well, for that reason alone this is over. You could be there just for him and not yourself, but that would be masochistic at this point. You do need somethings in return. Go out on a limb and please yourself to please yourself.





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    Dec 19, 2009 4:06 AM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    Yes, Guilty and his old bag of video clips.
    ............................................



    oh GG, thanks for the trip back to middle school. Loved this song and En Vogue,..... hmmm may have been a sign of my sexuality eh?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2009 6:53 AM GMT
    . . . have you prayed about it? . . . what, really, would the Lord want for you and your would-be lover?
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    Dec 19, 2009 7:00 AM GMT
    If he's giving you a hard time and it doesn't feel right anymore sometimes I love you is goodbye.
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    Dec 20, 2009 9:52 AM GMT
    noren said . . . have you prayed about it? . . . what, really, would the Lord want for you and your would-be lover?
    ]

    You know what is funny about that... I HAVE prayed much about it. I have actually prayed about it. I thought Edgar was that guy for me but maybe I was wrong. I always ask God... TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME... CLOSE THIS DOOR FOR GOOD if it is not for me and show me a new way to the one I am supposed to be with. Something ALWAYS leads us back together. I don't know anymore. Im just tired. I went out tonight with my friend and we had a fucking awesome night. I had guys on me... touching me, grabbing me, feeling me up... it felt fucking amazing but thats not what i want... I want more than that. I want a guy there with me to love me and hold me not just when he's drunk and horny but to be there for me to go to concerts, museums, all that shit that I love and enjoy outside of the scene. I want someone to be there with to conquer the world with. I want him to be the prince of my kingdom and I his. For so long I have felt and known in my heart that Edgar is that guy and now... I just don't know. I went out and pleased myself but its not all I want... I want more. I guess in time God will give me his answer like he always does.


    Noren... You are an angel. Thank you. I know you just saved me from making a very very big mistake. God bless you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2009 10:03 AM GMT
    dude . . . I'm not an angel at all . . . I'm a realist . . . and I was being very sarcastic about the prayer thing . . but if you got to a good place, then ok and fine, that's certainly a good thing . . .

    . . meninlove would be the one to sell you some sentimental bill of goods, not The Awesome Noren . . .

    and just a reminder, your so-called church says that you are intrinsically disordered . . . yep, the anathema is still in effect . ..
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Dec 20, 2009 11:09 AM GMT
    Okay ....
    You're now Ex boyfriend broke up with you
    and by what you've given us - in not a very subtle way

    But now he wants this quasi-relationship
    where he can call you anytime he wants
    and to top it all off you're thinking of being roomies next semester?

    Time to chug back a bit and ask yourself

    What am I getting out of this relationship?

    If the answer is ANYTHING but positive you need to tell Mr Dude
    I'm sorry but I think we should take a break
    If at the end of six months you feel that you want to call me we can talk then
    But until then I would like for you not to call me or email me