Does your family approve of the men you date? Do they try to control what guys you are into? Would they accept you bringing home someone that doesnt look like them?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 19, 2009 9:08 PM GMT
    So I just got home for winter break from school. My best friend spent the weekend with me and I introduced him to my high school friends. He was really into one of my friends but told me that he could never go there. He told me a story about his family and their control over him. His family knows that hes gay and it took a long time for them to accept it. Everything was fine until he brought home a guy that was outside of his race. He said his family flipped out like no other. Its not just about race its also about a persons position in society, their family, their income, they look at everything. His parents support him while he is in school so hes afraid to defend himself. They fill his head with threats like cutting him off financially if he were to embarrass the family.

    What is your family like? Are they supportive if you were to date someone that comes from a broken family? How would they react to you dating someone that doesn't make six figures and only $25,000 a year? Do they approve of you dating outside your race?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 20, 2009 2:02 AM GMT


    Just keep in mind: Lust has no limits. icon_idea.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 20, 2009 2:21 AM GMT
    What is your family like?
    -It's only me and my mom


    Are they supportive if you were to date someone that comes from a broken family?
    -Yeah she would be


    How would they react to you dating someone that doesn't make six figures and only $25,000 a year?
    -as long as the guy doesn't use me she would be fine with it. Otherwise, she would personally tell him to fuck off if he only wants me to support him.


    Do they approve of you dating outside your race?
    Yes, I'm Half black and half white. She (white) dated every race when she was younger,minus asian.


    I think it's sad that some people have to act like that,I feel sorry for your friend. If I was in his situation I would wait until I was done with school ,unless I could pay for it myself. I hate that people think they can control someone with money.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 20, 2009 2:21 AM GMT
    Well, my circumstance is clearly different. I make my own money for starters. My family is also not bigoted, for another. However my family is well aware that should I bring someone home (in the distant, imaginary future where I have a boyfriend), it isn't their position to question my decisions. Naturally if there's something truly problematic they would argue the point (i.e. - if it were a Tina/Ike situation). But on matters of taste it isn't their purview.

    Now I will also say this - I do feel pressure from myself to bring someone home who my parents would love. They're good people, and I love them, and it's important to me that they approve. But that's because their opinion has earned weight for me; it sounds like your friends' parents don't really deserve much consideration for their opinions, frankly.

    However there are practical matters at hand. A college fling lasts one, maybe two semesters. But student loans are forever. A prudent man would worry about that end of things first, in my opinion. $40k a year versus dating for an ill-defined period who you want? When you're that young, take the $40k. He can find plenty of people he wants to date that will also please his parents, and save making moral stands for when there isn't cash on the line.

    It sucks, but we all make choices in life. I would be careful about financial decisions that will impact me for years down the line.

    LagerLunt saidSo I just got home for winter break from school. My best friend spent the weekend with me and I introduced him to my high school friends. He was really into one of my friends but told me that he could never go there. He told me a story about his family and their control over him. His family knows that hes gay and it took a long time for them to accept it. Everything was fine until he brought home a guy that was outside of his race. He said his family flipped out like no other. Its not just about race its also about a persons position in society, their family, their income, they look at everything. His parents support him while he is in school so hes afraid to defend himself. They fill his head with threats like cutting him off financially if he were to embarrass the family.

    What is your family like? Are they supportive if you were to date someone that comes from a broken family? How would they react to you dating someone that doesn't make six figures and only $25,000 a year? Do they approve of you dating outside your race?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 20, 2009 2:33 AM GMT
    My family is open and accepting to anyone and everyone and they do not judge anyone on their race/religion/income but instead they base it off of the person's character and how that person treats me (if I'm dating someone).

    Broken families are so common it can be hard to find someone who isn't from one- I can't say I've heard of anyone ever making that an issue. Who cares if your bf's parents are divorced. So are 50% of other marriages. I actually find it kind of weird that someone would even make that an issue. Some people...

    Again, income- not an issue. As long as he's not a deadbeat and not working then I'll support him mentally if he loves his job. Money doesn't make a relationship work.

    And as far as dating outside of my race, my mother wholeheartedly supports that. In fact, I secretly think she wants me too haha...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 21, 2009 6:08 AM GMT
    I suppose I could share this story.

    My last boyfriend was black, and I've sorta always worried about my family being bothered by it. My parents completely accept and love me for who I am, but I wasn't quite sure whether they'd like my boyfriend coming over to visit. So one day I was talking to him about coming over to visit my parents and see what they thought about them. My parents knew I was in a relationship, but I didn't even mention that he was black. So I walk in the door and say, "Hey, guys, here's the surprise! Jungle Fever time!!!!!" VERY loudly and mom's mouth just dropped.

    I was laughing so hard because my boyfriend walked in smiling, very politely introduced himself to my parents, then say down on the couch. I did the same. Mom turns to me and says, "Well shit Jesse I was expecting the surprise to be that you were dating a girl. Hell, how many minorities can you two be now?"

    I was laughing for the rest of the night intermittently. Some funny stuff right there. Luckily they loved him, though. I think my parents have a problem with people who talk like they have no sense (is it technically callled "Ebonics?" I don't know ). Yeah, they can't stand that. It's not that a person is black, it's because the person is annoying.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 21, 2009 6:13 AM GMT
    I'm pretty sure my parents would be pretty accepting of whomever I brought home (personally I don't plan to ever bring anyone home, however). As for the race thing, I don't really think it'd be an issue. As for the money thing, I don't think so either, considering if I added up how much money I've made my entire life I don't think it would reach $6000.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 21, 2009 6:23 AM GMT
    My family got to meet and spend some time with my b.f. during Thanksgiving week. They always liked anyone I introduced to them, but this was different. This time they had been advised that this was someone very special......someone who is going to be around for a long time - - maybe forever. What ended up happening is that the family likes my new b.f. better than the like me, almost!

    If I had brought home someone of a different color, or who had come from a broken family, etc. it wouldn't have made any difference. I'm a big boy now and I don't rely on my family to dictate who I date. Anyway, my family is an open minded group living in the shadow of San Francisco, so they're right in step having a gay son and his boyfriend. It's de rigueur around The City.