shytheguy saidWhat is a guy in the closet to do when he risks losing his family, his friends, his religion--basically his life as he knows it by coming out? Would you argue that it is better for him to simply live his sad, lonely, miserable life in the closet to prevent hurting others and losing all he has? Or should he say "Tata!" to the only support system he’s ever known for just the mere possibility that one day, Mr. Right could come along and offer, perhaps, a bit of relief from his hellish life?
You're all wasting your time. Shytheguy and I had a long chat about this a couple weeks ago after he sent me an IM. I really feel for anyone who suffers through the life-altering decision of coming out. I empathize with them and the effects it can have on their family, friends, and significant others. Honesty and integrity are always best, but I don't have the moral authority to condemn people who are afraid of truth. If that truth only affects the person in the closet, I feel that facing that truth in the open is a personal decision that must be made with thought, care, and consideration. When their homosexual truth affects others directly (i.e., the wife they lie to and sleep with after they have sex with a man, a partner who thinks is in a monogamous relationship with the culprit, etc), then the my views on this matter change.
I empathize with people who struggle with facing their truth, what I do not sympathize with are people who hurt others intentionally, complain endlessly and ask for advice they don't intend to listen to, wallow in self-pity and want to bring others down with them, and lie willingly to all who kindly take time from their own lives to support a soul they deem is troubled. Also, please someone raise their hand if they like people who lie and cheat, get caught lying, and continue to lie to a person's face even after they are caught in the act of lying.
Most people here are decent and just want to help. That speaks volumes of the community in this site. There are quite a few assholes everywhere, but most people are kind and just want equality for all regardless of their sexual orientation. There are all kinds of personalities and characters, and while guys here are always finding ways to bicker with each other about something, I think deep inside they are just good people with very deep-rooted beliefs they are willing to stand for. With the exception of very few, I would like to believe that even when guys here disagree and send each other verbal bombs and the occasional mean comment, they would all lend each other a helping hand if they found the other in need. At least this is what I'd like to believe. Call me naive, but I really do think most people are decent even when they disagree strongly about opinions. This belief I have also extends to most people out there as well. I know many of you don't think this is possible, but I do think that most gays are good people, most Christians are good people, most men and women are good people, most Muslims are good people, and so forth. There are, of course, bad apples in every group you can think of.
A few days ago, I posted a stern comment on a post with a similar theme. It came from a guy who fit under one of the categories of people I don't sympathize with. I really didn't go off on him because of his homosexual struggle. If you read the post, you know why I went off on him. However, this is another one of those cases. After talking to this guy for quite sometime a couple of times, I can say that he doesn't want to be helped. There are just too many lies about shytheguy and I will spare all of you because it really doesn't matter. My advice to him is to do a search for forum topics about coming out and stop deceiving the very decent people here about his own situation. I really can't stand liars. Out of respect for my private conversations with him, I won't say more. Shytheguy, I wish you luck with whatever you decide, but stop lying to people here. They simply don't deserve it. Before you contemplate getting honest with others, the first thing you should do is take a look at you and get honest with yourself.