AGE GAP

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2009 9:10 AM GMT
    I went on a date


    with this guy from my volleyball team




    it was awesome



    went and saw avatar



    then had nachos




    i got a big smooch at the end












    he's 49 ( if i remember, i cant count very high)


    im 21




    is it an issue?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2009 11:56 AM GMT
    Only if you think it is.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2009 2:40 PM GMT
    It's not really an issue if you like each other and are comfortable. You'll find that there are points of disconnect, but, as with any relationship, if you want the bond to grow stronger, you find ways around those issues.

    Don't worry what other people think about it, either.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2009 3:07 PM GMT
    If you like him - go for it. It doesn't matter who says what
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2009 3:23 PM GMT
    Yep, it is a big issue
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2009 3:32 PM GMT
    No one has the right to tell you if its an issue or not an issue. Its such a personal thing.

    Personally I prefer younger guys. Im not attracted to guys my age in most cases.. not all but most. Im just not the typical 52yo. I have friends my age, and love them to death. But in many cases, I have more in common with someone younger. Its just my fact of life. Have I dated guys my age, yes. But more much younger.

    Ive learned so much from guys attracted to older guys. Its a physical thing for them and a mental thing. Same with me, just in reverse.

    I always prefered younger guys, regardless of my age at the time. There are challenges with any relationship. The age thing for me, adds a few, but subtracts a few.

    We cannot sit in our plastic bubble and shield ourselves from hurt or pain. Take a risk, follow your gut, follow your heart.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2009 3:38 PM GMT
    Life is a journey. Pack appropriately. Go for it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2009 3:41 PM GMT
    YUToo saidLife is a journey. Pack appropriately. Go for it.


    I LOVE that saying!

    You rock!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2009 3:42 PM GMT
    As long as one of you packed a diaper bag, there shouldn't be any issue. icon_twisted.gif
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    Dec 20, 2009 3:46 PM GMT
    That is really a good question, and one that I too have a problem with. I am 37, but am really interested in a guy who is 25. While the age issue does not bother me, or him, right now, I cannot help but to think long-term. When I am 47, he will be 35.... and when I am 57, he will be 45. There is a 12-year difference, and I cannot help but to wonder if I continue to work on a relationship, that at some point the age difference will be a big problem. In your case, there is a big age difference. But if you are HAPPY, then what is the problem? What is it that you want from him: relationship, companionship, love?? Age is really only a number and once you and he both can overcome that, then the problem is not really a problem at all. I guess my question for you would be: What is it about the age difference that bothers you? Mine is above...but what issue do you think that there really is here? Is it being seen with an older man, etc?

    And maybe you can help me here too, but maybe help understand your feelings as well. What is it that has drawn you to an older man? What is it that you like about him? What do you think the long-term possibilities will be for you and him?

    I look forward to your answers...and good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2009 4:12 PM GMT
    There

    is


    too



    much



    space





    between



    you


    two.


    Eventually



    you'll



    want



    someone


    to chat with



    that knows what your



    talking



    about...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2009 4:18 PM GMT
    locker_69 said While the age issue does not bother me, or him, right now, I cannot help but to think long-term. When I am 47, he will be 35.... and when I am 57, he will be 45.

    Why worry about what may happen 10 years from now? You have no idea if you'll still be seeing each other 10 weeks from now.
    Take each day as it comes, as so many have said, and don't waste energy on imagining problems that don't yet exist.
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    Dec 20, 2009 4:31 PM GMT
    49??????????? 21???????????????!?!?

    What da fuck?!?!?!?!?!

    Proceed as you will. I would ask him how often he dates guys of your age?

    If he says often then you will be traded in for a new version within the next couple of years
  • oookellyooo

    Posts: 116

    Dec 20, 2009 4:33 PM GMT
    i have a movie date with a 22 yo student and I'm 36 sometime this week..i'm looking forward to it, i haven't dated men, this is the first...i'm a late bloomer myself so I guess there won't be much of a gap emotional-age-wise LOL...
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    Dec 20, 2009 4:42 PM GMT
    A lot of people here will say the age gap doesn't matter, but I'm not one of those. I'm troubled when I hear of a guy dating someone 20+ years younger.

    First let me say that there is always the anecdotal case where an cross-generational relationship works great, yada yada.

    But more often than not I see an older guy who knows there's no potential for a long term relationship (what common ground do you have?), but has no qualms about being Mr. Romantic, seducing a guy who's too young and naive to realize he's young and naive, until he gets a little action.

    And that's probably all he's interested in.

    You're a hot guy. There are a lot of guys who'd like to get with you. But for your own happiness, find a guy your own age that you can build a relationship with. Don't get used by a guy who's just looking to score. And think about this... by the time you were born, you could have already finished graduate school.

    Yes, I'm a cynic. icon_neutral.gif
  • oookellyooo

    Posts: 116

    Dec 20, 2009 4:51 PM GMT
    Global_Citizen saidA lot of people here will say the age gap doesn't matter, but I'm not one of those. I'm troubled when I hear of a guy dating someone 20+ years younger.

    First let me say that there is always the anecdotal case where an cross-generational relationship works great, yada yada.

    But more often than not I see an older guy who knows there's no potential for a long term relationship (what common ground do you have?), but has no qualms about being Mr. Romantic, seducing a guy who's too young and naive to realize he's young and naive, until he gets a little action.

    And that's probably all he's interested in.

    You're a hot guy. There are a lot of guys who'd like to get with you. But for your own happiness, find a guy your own age that you can build a relationship with. Don't get used by a guy who's just looking to score. And think about this... by the time you were born, you could have already finished graduate school.

    Yes, I'm a cynic. icon_neutral.gif


    ouch he just called me a user..this is a sweeping generalization worthy to be ignored...i'm sure 20+ year olds can discern to themselves whether they are being used or not and a stereotype that older men dating younger ones are users is obnoxious...

  • bmw0

    Posts: 588

    Dec 20, 2009 5:01 PM GMT
    I have a 15 year rule. I am currently talking to a guy who is 41 (i'm 27), though he looks 30. If you feel it's right, do it. But i can't help but agree with the fact that he will be trading you in for a newer model as soon as you do something he don't like. I did go out of my comfort zone and date a 46 year old last year for a bit, and that was a mess. He kept doing the "i'm older and i know better" bull crap on me. He would make me feel inferior because i was young, and since i'm not and idiot and have always been very strong minded and successful...that didn't work to well.

    Your guy may be different, but if you do proceed..do so with caution.
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    Dec 20, 2009 5:04 PM GMT
    oookellyooo said

    ouch he just called me a user..this is a sweeping generalization worthy to be ignored...i'm sure 20+ year olds can discern to themselves whether they are being used or not and a stereotype that older men dating younger ones are users is obnoxious...


    I call it like I see it, and I see it a lot. Some guys who are 21 might have the discernment and judgment to realize when an older guy is using them, but most don't yet. And the older guy typically has a distinct advantage over the younger guy in many ways... intellect, status, wealth, etc. A 49 year old guy will be in a position to manipulate someone 25+ years younger.

    Just stating the facts. Maybe I did hit a nerve.
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    Dec 20, 2009 5:07 PM GMT
    I agree with most people on here. To me it is a big issue but I am not to judge other people. If it is not a big issue to you I would say go for it. Just be careful he is not trying to use you.
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    Dec 20, 2009 5:08 PM GMT
    Blondizgd said49??????????? 21???????????????!?!?

    What da fuck?!?!?!?!?!

    Proceed as you will. I would ask him how often he dates guys of your age?

    If he says often then you will be traded in for a new version within the next couple of years


    More like a couple of weeks
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Dec 20, 2009 5:11 PM GMT
    Yes, it's an issue, but what relationship doesn't have certain "issues" that you have to work through and get past? It doesn't have to be a deal breaker if the chemistry works. I'd say proceed with caution but remain open-minded and follow your heart. Love is hard enough to find without putting limitations on it. Take it one day at a time and see where it leads.
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    Dec 20, 2009 5:25 PM GMT
    I think the real issue here is that many people seem to assume a single date signifies the start of a lifelong relationship.

    If you belong to that group, TinyMike, then that's an "issue."

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2009 5:28 PM GMT
    I








    Give







    Up





    What






    is







    the







    answer?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2009 5:29 PM GMT
    I












    am






    breathless









    with







































    anticipation .... icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 20, 2009 5:45 PM GMT
    haha by no means do i want a ring on it.

    it was a first date. that's all. he's a great guy, and im looking forward to getting to know him better. we do seem to have alot in common, other than vball and general interests. he's young at heart and im an old soul.

    just my mind started wandering late last night...

    what makes me attracted to him? is is sustainable? am i subconciously looking for a father figure?

    that kinda shit... BUT WHO KNOWS! i go with the flow. so we'll see.

    thanks for advice!icon_wink.gif