Came out yesterday to my little bro..

  • MelB4Ever

    Posts: 147

    Dec 21, 2009 4:32 AM GMT
    I finally had the courage to come out of the closet to my little brother. There's wide gap age wise, as he's only 10 years old and I'm 27. I came out to my mom over 3 years ago but never said anything to my little brother. He seems understanding so hopefully it won't effect him in a negative way as peers or classmates can be cruel sometimes and call each other stuff. I know that he's still young and hasn't even gone through puberty yet. I told him that he can ask me any questions and I'll gladly answer them. What is the best way to handle this? Should I be truthful and tell him anything he wants to know. Its a little tricky as he's pretty young. Just hope it wont bother him. icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 21, 2009 4:36 AM GMT
    ahaha You'll be amazed at what kids already know,so don't worry. He might ask you if you have AIDS,but that's pretty much the only thing I can think of what a kid might ask.

    Congratulations on coming out to him also!
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Dec 21, 2009 4:39 AM GMT
    Oh boy will he have questions,,,,
    I'm sure you'll find a way to inform him of this life without getting too graphic because he's still young, but good for you..!!!
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    Dec 21, 2009 2:18 PM GMT

    You're likely to face several years of questions ! Two years ago when my kids (10 yr old daughter and 12 yr old son) asked me if I was gay - across a huge gym full of 200 kids at their day camp - it seemed like the time to bring them in on it.

    They were remarkably clued in to what gay means. Over the weeks that followed I gave them lots of chances to talk it up with me and let me know if anything about it made them uncomfortable. They couldn't have been sweeter about letting me know that me being me is what matters.

    Over time, there have been some signs that my son, who is now in the throws of early puberty, is thinking about this more three dimensionally. Like most kids, the root question is "What does this mean for me [i.e. him - my son]?". He quite often lets me know he's pretty sure he's straight. (He also lets me know that his attraction to some of his sisters' friends is attraction, not lust! Yeah, right ! :winkicon_smile.gif

    As I am sure you will find out with your brother (and with others) coming out isn't so much an event as a process. For my kids and me the next step was letting them meet my bf. Then the first morning my son came into my bedroom when Jay was with me (just waking up, nothing even R-rated).

    One thing I know my son struggles with is the way his peers use "gay" as a general term of disdain or ridicule - pretty much separated from its dictionary meaning. I think he's starting to get it. For now, it seems he's ok with knowing that it doesn't phase me.

    For a long time I had dreaded coming out to my kids. In the end, like every other coming out I've made, it was undramatic and un-traumatic. And, once it's done, it feel great when the people you care about, know more of you.

    Peace.
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    Dec 21, 2009 2:27 PM GMT
    You're talking about sex with your 10 YEAR OLD brother??? .... icon_eek.gif ... icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Dec 21, 2009 2:35 PM GMT
    Caslon12000 saidYou're talking about sex with your 10 YEAR OLD brother??? .... icon_eek.gif ... icon_rolleyes.gif



    think_of_the_children.jpg
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    Dec 21, 2009 4:13 PM GMT
    I think you can apply the same kind of thing to talking to young people about sex whether straight or gay. I think a lot of people are uncomfortable talking about sex with their children in general. Then again, being gay and relationships are not all about sex anyway .. so talking about being gay can also be put in the context of companions and other nonsexual aspects of love.

    Even straight people rely on books to help them talk about sex with young people.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Dec 21, 2009 4:17 PM GMT
    jgymnast733 saidOh boy will he have questions,,,,
    I'm sure you'll find a way to inform him of this life without getting too graphic because he's still young, but good for you..!!!


    10 is not too young to know where babies come from (I learned from my parents when I was 5 or 6), so it's not too young to know how two men or two women make love, either. But talking about it in an age-appropriate way is important, if he does ask. I doubt he will, though, he has more important things to worry about (like video games, little league sports, keeping his room dirty, being a picky eater, all that younger kid stuff). And as long as your family is open and accepting about it in front of him, it won't affect him at all in a negative way. Kids can be remarkably perceptive and accepting.
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    Dec 21, 2009 4:17 PM GMT
    My kid brother is ten years younger and I never came out to him. I mean, he has met a few boyfriends and has probably heard some furtive fucking coming from the guest room I stay in. But then, we both grew up in a profoundly Catholic family where the actual act of sex is far less dirty than talking about it.

    Kids are told about hetero sex and love all the time. It saturates our media. Snow White is a children's story and is all about a cock blocking witch and the prince who slays her so he can fuck the titular character. As such, talking about queer love is perfectly fine and is in fact admirable.

    Congrats.
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    Dec 21, 2009 4:19 PM GMT
    And just remember to be age appropriate. Just because they may ask specifics, doesn't mean they're ready to hear all the specifics. I'm guessing that down the road he'll thank you for being open and honest instead of hiding things and the relationship will be better for it.
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    Dec 21, 2009 4:42 PM GMT
    Good for you. Remember to answer the questions that are asked. Do not assume there is a deeper meaning to the question. As he gets older there may be more but at age 10 the questions should be fairly straight forward.
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    Dec 21, 2009 4:52 PM GMT

    lol, thanks for posting the picture. Gotta love the Simpsons. icon_biggrin.gif

    I don't think 10 is too young. In Germany we learn sex ed in 1st grade. Besides, you would be amazed to hear what kids already know by the age of 10.

    Congrats on coming out to your little bro!
  • metta

    Posts: 39155

    Dec 21, 2009 4:57 PM GMT
    My straight neighbors told their kids what being gay was when they were 4 or 5 to make sure that they could teach them that it was natural and fine before anyone else said something stupid. They kept it very basic: "when 2 men or 2 women love each other." There is no harm in that. It is a good thing to let children know about how diverse our World is. And they have all grown up being supportive of gay rights. icon_smile.gif

    Straight couples don't tell their kids about the details of what they do in bed gay couples/people don't need to do that either in order to tell them that they are gay.

    I think the younger they are told, the better it is.
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    Dec 21, 2009 4:59 PM GMT
    MelB4Ever saidI finally had the courage to come out of the closet to my little brother. There's wide gap age wise, as he's only 10 years old and I'm 27.

    What prompted this? The big "sex talk" is usually the job of the father. Is your own not available, or were to asked to do it? I sat down with my sons when they each were about the same age, the point when I assumed they were already hearing things from their peers. But I explained straight sex, in very simple terms, not gay.

    I'm not sure if a gay sex talk is appropriate before the other kind. Has he had one? This situation puzzles me. Are you so flaming, or in such an obvious gay relationship, that this needed to be addressed at this moment?
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Dec 21, 2009 5:12 PM GMT
    "You're talking about sex with your 10 YEAR OLD brother???"
    _________________________________________________
    Don't be so shocked.
    The other day, I read about a NINE year old boy who raped an eight year old girl.

    But, as for our OP, good for you !
    He didn't say that he was talking to his 10 year old brother about sex.
    He merely told him that he was gay.
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    Dec 21, 2009 5:17 PM GMT
    Webster666 saidDon't be so shocked.
    The other day, I read about a NINE year old boy who raped an eight year old girl.

    I am not shocked. We feed kids meat injected with growth hormone. I am not surprised that kids bodies dont know how old they really are.
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    Dec 21, 2009 5:21 PM GMT
    Peers might be cruel though
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    Dec 21, 2009 5:34 PM GMT
    eb925guy saidAnd just remember to be age appropriate. Just because they may ask specifics, doesn't mean they're ready to hear all the specifics. I'm guessing that down the road he'll thank you for being open and honest instead of hiding things and the relationship will be better for it.


    Totally agree with eb925guy!

    Good luck!
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    Dec 21, 2009 5:49 PM GMT
    I think kids these days (hah, I sound old) are much more tolerant about being gay than ever before. Let him ask anything he wants! icon_smile.gif

    Related: I recently told my 12 year old nephew that I'm gay, and it didn't phase him one bit. Kind of shocking how casually he took it really.
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    Dec 21, 2009 6:10 PM GMT
    Congratulations! I love a good coming out story.

    The great thing about this is that he will be so much more aware of the casual homophobia that's rampant in schools and he may choose to challenge some of it. Even by just not partaking in it - because he wants to respect his gay brother - will diminish it a little.

    And I've always found that if kids can ask the question they can usually deal with the answer.
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    Dec 21, 2009 6:10 PM GMT
    MelB4Ever saidI finally had the courage to come out of the closet to my little brother. There's wide gap age wise, as he's only 10 years old and I'm 27. I came out to my mom over 3 years ago but never said anything to my little brother. He seems understanding so hopefully it won't effect him in a negative way as peers or classmates can be cruel sometimes and call each other stuff. I know that he's still young and hasn't even gone through puberty yet. I told him that he can ask me any questions and I'll gladly answer them. What is the best way to handle this? Should I be truthful and tell him anything he wants to know. Its a little tricky as he's pretty young. Just hope it wont bother him. icon_smile.gif


    It begs the question why on earth does a ten year old boy need to know about your sexuality to begin with?

    It sounds as though the original poster here is more on a crusade for validation of his sexuality than doing the prudent thing.

    My take on this is that it's very tasteless, selfish, and imprudent.

    While a young mind does need molding, ten year olds should be allowed to exist without all the crap about gayness for at least a while.

    Unless you're having sex with someone, there's no compelling need for them to be aware of your sexuality, whatever their age.

    It's important to take a responsible approach and I think this particular one is way off.
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    Dec 21, 2009 6:14 PM GMT
    Ten year old kids know about heterosexuality. Why should homosexuality be taboo until some "appropriate" time?
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    Dec 21, 2009 6:15 PM GMT
    It's not appropriate to be talking with them about sexuality in general. Let a kid be a kid, for crying out loud.

    I'm not talking head in the sand Right Wing Religious crap, I'm talking being appropriate.

    You'll note that I didn't single out homosexuality.

    As I said, in very common sense, unless you're fucking someone, regardless of their age, they don't need to know about your sexuality.

    I'm all for sex-ed, family planning, and certainly all about letting folks know the way of the world. (It's not straight, either.)
  • dreamer121

    Posts: 265

    Dec 21, 2009 6:20 PM GMT
    Hopefully it'll all work out. If it was "hey your big brother wants to fall in love with another man, and theres nothing wrong with that" kinda talk. Thats great. At least the younger generations will learn to be more accepting the more they understand that homosexuality actually exists, and isn't the end of the world...

    Now if you're talking about what you do in the bedroom with another man to him... then I'd have to be a bit disturbed...
  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    Dec 21, 2009 6:41 PM GMT
    Unless he asked you l would not have said anything until he asked outright?