For those in an established relationship:

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2009 12:58 PM GMT
    If you were to stop having physical contact, sex with the person you are with, how long do you think your relationship would survive?

    I've been with one man for say 20 years, and sex has never been a strong part of this relationship. Sex is not what the foundations were built on, and still, there is no end in sight to this relationship.

    I've had offers in that time from other guys to be with them, and I've always said no. I've been such a Saint, in fact it's about 12 years ago since I last had any sexual contact. Even when my man from Russia come into my life, other than checking each other out, and sleeping together twice, and doing nothing but hug, it's about 12 years, since I've had any sexual contact in all that time; I've been such a Saint; yet so loved!

    But maybe someday I'll hold somebody's hand, maybe somewhere somebody will understand, but at the moment that doesn't look good, at the moment it will never happen again; I don't think it will ever happen again.



    So how long would you keep your man if you did not put out anymore?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2009 1:24 PM GMT
    OMG now thats just shattered a stereotypical mould, hasn't, that all homosexuals are driven by sex. It's not that I don't have a sex drive, I just controle it, and after all, I am in a relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2009 3:33 PM GMT
    I have strived all my life to be the freak that God intended me to be. I have done things that would shame Satan himself. I surrender whatever claims I may have to the throne of freakdom to you. You win!
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    Dec 21, 2009 4:15 PM GMT
    Pattison said...So how long would you keep you[r] man if you did not put out anymore?

    Forever. And thanks, Pattison, for posting a meaningful gay question for us to consider.

    Fortunately he & I are blessed by the dispensation from sex that comes with old age. We can take it or leave it. Had our youthful wild flings & orgies, been there done that, the fires are banked now. Not that occasionally we don't, but don't blink. icon_wink.gif

    So we can easily champion the other aspects of a gay relationship, besides sex. And frankly, they're pretty good. Indeed, even if I wanted a high level of regular sexual activity again, I'd still insist on what I have now, as well. It's just too wonderful to pass up.

    Love conquers all, so if you love him, the sex is the cherry on top (is that a pun?), not the main course. Sex is lovely, it brings you closer together and binds you, but it should never be the raison d'ĂȘtre for a relationship. When that's the case, you're building on shifting sands.

    Oh I dunno, in the final analysis you either fall in love and realize this for yourself, or you don't. All the analysis is meaningless, your heart cannot read anything we write down here. To love a man is to know this answer without saying anything. icon_biggrin.gif
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Dec 21, 2009 5:08 PM GMT
    Beautifully said, Red Vespa. Wholeheartedly agree.

    Though I'm still a tad too young to be at the "take it or leave it" stage.
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    Dec 21, 2009 5:26 PM GMT
    drypin saidBeautifully said, Red Vespa. Wholeheartedly agree.

    Though I'm still a tad too young to be at the "take it or leave it" stage.


    I agree with Red Vespa, but like Drypin mentioned; still too young for the "take it or leave it". But I have learned to control it, not all of the time though (I am no saint, lol).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2009 7:18 PM GMT
    drypin saidBeautifully said, Red Vespa. Wholeheartedly agree.

    Though I'm still a tad too young to be at the "take it or leave it" stage.


    Well I gotta say I never thought in my wildest dreams, my life would become celibate in my 30s, and I'm not even 50 yet, It's just the way it turned out, or was planed. The person I'm with I call my companion, and not my lover.

    But maybe someday I'll hold some body's hand, Maybe someday I'll find somebody who understands, But at the moment it doesn't look good, at the moment it will never happen again; I don't think it will ever happen again.

    But in m youth I had a fucking good time, and I've had gay men interested in me since I was 5, it's not that I've missed out at all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2009 8:48 AM GMT
    OMG all these hits and no comments, so I'm going to assume, the majority rule is no, your relationship would not survive; we truly do have something special going on, and I feel broken a gay mould.icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2009 8:54 AM GMT
    it's not that unusual. i expect my own relationship to last for a very long time with or without sex. i love my hubby ver' much and in addition to being my boyfriend, he's my best friend.
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    Dec 22, 2009 9:05 AM GMT
    FirefighterBlu3 saidit's not that unusual. i expect my own relationship to last for a very long time with or without sex. i love my hubby ver' much and in addition to being my boyfriend, he's my best friend.


    I hear what you say, as we were friends first, I made sure of that, and we hung out for weeks, before we even kissed. I'm also accepted by his whole family too. he also accepts I have love for another too, and another has love for me as well. I was open and truthful about that from the start. Just that alone, many relationships could not endure. I suppose most would be an open relationship by now.
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    Dec 22, 2009 9:59 AM GMT
    I'd have to use my hand, and get the women hehe.

    We've both been through a hell of a lot together, and our relationship is based on some pretty deep stuff. The physical stuff came dead last, and was never even thought about since nether of us had ever been with or into men.

    If something happened to where we couldn't be physical, I wouldn't leave the dude. I'd feel like I was betraying him, and I'd be a real bastard for doing so with all he's helped me with. With all I've helped him with he too would feel the same.



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    Dec 22, 2009 10:24 AM GMT
    It's coming up on 15 years that I've been with my hemorrhoid. We don't have sex that often, anymore. Hell, it's been ... close to a year, I guess. I'll probably mount the guy for X-mas (it'll save me from having to buy him a 37-inch LED TV). Yeah, that's the plan.

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    Dec 22, 2009 11:02 AM GMT
    IHG84 saidI'd have to use my hand, and get the women hehe.

    We've both been through a hell of a lot together, and our relationship is based on some pretty deep stuff. The physical stuff came dead last, and was never even thought about since nether of us had ever been with or into men.

    If something happened to where we couldn't be physical, I wouldn't leave the dude. I'd feel like I was betraying him, and I'd be a real bastard for doing so with all he's helped me with. With all I've helped him with he too would feel the same.





    You know matey, in many ways we have been though hell and back too, I'm the first boyfriend his ever had, when Sebastian come into my life from Russia, it was hell for a long time; we both hurt. I told him he should go back home to America, but he refused.

    For the same reasion I will not leave him is for all he has done for me. But that goes both ways. We both have givern each other a qulity of life, we never had before.

    I asked for nothing this Christmas, and i truly expected nothing, and I got home today, and the Xmas tree has a tune of stuff under it, way more than I'de ever of asked for.
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    Dec 22, 2009 11:05 AM GMT
    reppaT saidIt's coming up on 15 years that I've been with my hemorrhoid. We don't have sex that often, anymore. Hell, it's been ... close to a year, I guess. I'll probably mount the guy for X-mas (it'll save me from having to buy him a 37-inch LED TV). Yeah, that's the plan.



    Gosh if I laid mine, I'de get a European holiday, if thats what I wanted.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2009 12:19 AM GMT
    reppaT saidIt's coming up on 15 years that I've been with my hemorrhoid. We don't have sex that often, anymore. Hell, it's been ... close to a year, I guess. I'll probably mount the guy for X-mas (it'll save me from having to buy him a 37-inch LED TV). Yeah, that's the plan.



    Oh man. I'm laughing my ass off because I know the feeling.

    I've been with my guy for 8 years (yesterday was our anniversary, even) and we still enjoy having sex.

    It isn't as frequent any more, usually once a week, but still great. icon_biggrin.gif

    As for the initial question, if your relationship works and you're both happy, then keep doing what's working. People don't need sex to be together. But some people enjoy sex and equate it to feeling human...to express our passion and attraction to someone else through sex feels amazing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2009 1:25 AM GMT
    Hemorrhoid is a cute pet name...