An interesting letter to Dear Prudence for gays at this time of year...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2009 11:01 PM GMT
    Dear Prudence:
    My mom and dad were a nun and a priest who left the church before they met each other. They got married, become psychologists, and did a wonderful job raising our little family. My father died when I was young. When I came out as gay to my mom and brother after high school, it did not go well. I was basically cut off, especially emotionally. I did the tough work of creating the life that I wanted. Over the years, we have taken baby steps toward rebuilding our relationship. The subject of my sexuality, though, has remained taboo. My mom has recently started lamenting that we are not closer as a family. But neither my mother nor my brother has asked me a single question about my personal life for the past 14 years! I have wonderful friends who accept me for who I am, and sometimes I would prefer to spend the holidays with them. I am feeling the urge to bring this up and explain to my family that we won't ever be close unless they are willing to accept me 100 percent. My mother is elderly and has some health issues. I don't want to cause her stress, but blindly agreeing to her demands undermines what I've had to do to accept myself. Should I ask my mother and brother to grow beyond their prejudices, keep them at arm's length, or simply be thankful for the fact that my mom is still on this earth and swallow my hurt?

    —It's a Wonderful (Queer) Life

    Dear It's a Wonderful,
    Your mother has experienced the pain that comes from trying to be something she knew in her soul she couldn't be. Then she threw off that life and became a psychologist! Surely, she of all people should understand what it means to be true to yourself, and the psychic cost of rejection by loved ones. Sit down and talk about this with her. Explain what you've said here—that the closeness she wants requires accepting all of you. If you have to keep hiding your personal life, she can't expect that your relationship will be anything more than superficial. Say you would like to be closer, but that means being able to talk about your whole life, and to even be accompanied on visits home by a partner or dear friend. Then leave it up to her. If she says she can't get over your "sin," then say you love her and will always have a relationship with her, but you are going to spend occasions such as the holidays with the family you have made, the people who accept you completely.

    —Prudie

    http://www.slate.com/id/2237851/?GT1=38001
  • rdberg1957

    Posts: 662

    Dec 22, 2009 7:24 AM GMT
    That is the best one can do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2009 8:05 AM GMT
    <3

    Not out... but parts of my family are cut off... I might as well be a gay child molester/murderer in their eyes.

    Good stuff.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2009 8:38 AM GMT
    ThePenIsMyTier said<3

    Not out... but parts of my family are cut off... I might as well be a gay child molester/murderer in their eyes.

    Good stuff.
    icon_eek.gif and to top it off there is a rooster on your face! Don't be in bondage to them forever ..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2009 8:38 AM GMT
    Great letter calson icon_biggrin.gif