What Happened to Romance?!

  • allamericantx

    Posts: 140

    May 13, 2007 12:03 AM GMT
    So this guy who lives in my apartment complex (a few doors down) is all but short of being an absolute bitch when I run into him because I don't want to have anything to do with him "relationship" wise. At first when I moved in, he was like "Welcome to the neighborhood" which quickly became "you better commit to a relationship with me cause that's what I want".

    Sadly, this isn't the first time this kind of approach has been taken with me when someone is interested in a relationship.

    The whole situation got me to thinking, so I took a drive today to sort it out. Romance just seems to be dead nowadays when it comes to a lot of guys trying to establish relationships with someone else. It seems to be more forced and quick than it seems "brought about" and cultivated.

    Have we lost the idea of being romantic because we've gotten so wrapped up in ourselves? Are we too busy making sure that WE are taken care of versus what we bring to the table for a potential mate and the feelings of others - or is it truly all about "ME"?

    I mean, is this just my experience, or what the hell happened to that cool side of courting someone?! You know, the things a guy did while pursuing you that you will always look back on and smile?! Things that make you feel special?! Romance!!

    Sometimes, I feel that male birds in the Amazon do a better job at turning on a potential mate with their exotic dances than we humans do - "here John, I bought you a tonic water, now you owe me a fuck". I mean, what the hell is that?!

    So, is romance dead? What the hell happened to the art, passion, and thrill of courting and romance?

    Personally, if romance IS dead, I'd rather stay single and make due with a lubed up electric toothbrush.
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    May 13, 2007 12:38 AM GMT
    AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!! A LUBED UP WHAT?!?!?!? Oh my gosh! Nice.
  • TonyD

    Posts: 168

    May 13, 2007 12:50 AM GMT
    A RELATIONSHIP TAKES TWO INTERESTED PARTIES, THIS GUY (DOWN THE HALL) SEEMS TO HAVE IGNORED THIS PART OF THE EQUATION.
    NARCISSISM AT IT'S BEST!
  • allamericantx

    Posts: 140

    May 13, 2007 12:57 AM GMT
    a lubed up electic toothbrush....a little lube and you hit the button. You'll see everything vibrate and it's great!

    My b.f. at the time was being an ass as usual one day, and during the course of his ranting, he asked if I even ever bothered to use the SoniCare he bought me. I thought, "oh, I'll use it alright you bastard", so I did. But I think he meant use it in my mouth.

    Whatever. It was more reliable than he was and a lot more fun. Instead of begging for sex like I used to and getting it once every 3 weeks, I'd find myself hoping he'd leave just so my toothbrush and I could have some quality time to ourselves.

    Ok, now I've really derailed my own posting.
  • TonyD

    Posts: 168

    May 13, 2007 12:59 AM GMT
    YOU have derailed your own posting...ugh
  • allamericantx

    Posts: 140

    May 13, 2007 1:07 AM GMT
    It's Saturday night. Give me some slack.

    Ok, back to the question: Is Romance Dead in Dating?
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    May 13, 2007 1:18 AM GMT
    Do you like pepsodent or colgate lube?
  • allamericantx

    Posts: 140

    May 13, 2007 1:22 AM GMT
    LOL !!
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    May 13, 2007 1:43 AM GMT
    "Romance is dead - it was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece." - Lisa Simpson
  • duglyduckling

    Posts: 279

    May 13, 2007 1:47 AM GMT
    My oh my AllAmericanTX...

    never knew that an electric toothbrush can be used that way... now you have me looking at mine in a totally different way... LOL

    However, back to your original post... I think it really depends on the person. There are those of us who are hopeless romantics out there. We are just a bit harder to find I guess.

    However, you have to remember that with your good looks... I am surprised you haven't attracted more stalkers! LOL

    You may want to take a gun with you next time you head out the door, just in case... LOL
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    May 13, 2007 1:57 AM GMT
    What a beautiful post, including the toothbrush thing which makes it absolutely sublime. Seriously, I love that part.

    But I wonder about romance, it seems elusive at best even to straight people. But without the support of society that we lack as gays, it is very challenging. I was going to start a post about courting, as in how do each of us go about it.

    But the thing is that the anecdote you relate is consistent for a lot of people I know. It's like we should go for the jugular cause time is short. It doesn't help that sex plays a key role in all of this.

    I mean, what if you were attracted to this guy, but it turns out you were both "bottoms." For some, that is a deal breaker. Where does romance fit into that?

    So, I would like to answer your post with a question to anyone reading this. What is romance to you?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2007 1:59 AM GMT
    Endorsed by AllAmericanTx:

    http://www.brushbunny.com/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2007 2:01 AM GMT
    obscenewish, will you stay on topic!!!!! LOL!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2007 2:04 AM GMT
    That link does not work Obscenwish ;)
  • duglyduckling

    Posts: 279

    May 13, 2007 2:04 AM GMT
    better than packing a vibrator when you go on vacation, and having the security guys at the airport scrutinizing it... LOL with an electric toothbrush and thing, no one would ever suspect you... ;)
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    May 13, 2007 2:10 AM GMT
    I am on topic. Endorsed with a few minor reservations by AllAmericanTX:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=10535


    Actually, I hear the complaint about romance all the time. Somebody needs to define romance.

    To me it's about seduction of the heart and, being a dance of sort, it takes time. It is pretty antithetical to the wish for immediate gratification (the obscene wish, as it were). It alternates bliss and longing with a kind of bittersweet pain. It trades in metaphors rather than literalism. It evokes the imagination, principally.

    It's an illness, of course.
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    May 13, 2007 2:12 AM GMT
    Link works for me, NYC. I think you have to be a believer in the magic of dental romance to be able to see it.
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    May 13, 2007 2:12 AM GMT
    You could also use the handle on one of those "power" razors that vibrate...or so I've HEARD. *AHEM*

    On topic - Romance isn't really dead, it's just difficult to find. I think the right amount is really good for any relationship, the issue for me is when people can't differentiate between being romantic and being just plain cheesy. Romance takes creativity and innovation (and sometimes, it shows in its simplest forms. Creativiy doesn't have to be complex or difficult).

    Although I admit, sometimes it's cute when a guy is cheesy, LOL! :p
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2007 2:18 AM GMT
    Love that,

    It is a dance,

    an illness,

    a bittersweet pain.

    And I agree it can trade in metaphor rather than literalism, but it has to look like something. And I love that it evokes the imagination. I made videos to woo my special guy. If you are good I will show them to you (obscenewish, have to get permission first).

    But, what does it look like to do?
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    May 13, 2007 2:27 AM GMT
    But looking LIKE something is the near-definition of a metaphor.

    I ain't understand your concluding question, Mad.

    But another question: Is romance necessarily an expression of love? Infatuated people -- stalkers for example -- can behave romantically. I was stalked by a pre-operative tranny escort (yes, really) who alternately sent me roses and death threats. Eros and thanatos. Maybe romance has to make you feel like you're dying at some level -- losing your identity to the other.

    Or is AAT really talking about courtship?



  • allamericantx

    Posts: 140

    May 13, 2007 2:30 AM GMT
    Thanks to all of you for making this a fun forum and serious all at once.

    Obscene, you and another post asked the same thing. What is romance? Everyone is different so to each his own, right? Good point.

    I can say for myself, nothing is more romantic than knowing someone loves you as much as you do them - and they treat that with respect. They maintain that. They work on it. Just like a car or anything that requires attention, they don't make an exception to the relationship and expect it to run itself.

    NOT Romantic: someone who just puts their relationship on a mantle, like some object, like a decoration, that just sits there and collects dust.

    Romantic: treating the person you're with in a special way, in a way - that should something happen, and they never walk through that door again - you know in your heart you would not have done anything differently, and you loved them the best you could have loved them.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2007 2:30 AM GMT
    Very good point, obscenewish.

    First of all, what I meant to say is what does it mean to "do" romance as an activity? And I know that is problematic question for those of us reading Foucault. But go with it.

    Secondly, I love the idea of dying to yourself as well. Can we talk about this without metaphor and poetry? Maybe not. So much the better.

    Thirdly, I guess I did mean courtship specifically in my question.
  • allamericantx

    Posts: 140

    May 13, 2007 2:34 AM GMT
    Clarification: You're right Obscene, the question got kinda wide.

    The original question was more about romance in the process of courtship. But I guess it doens't really end there, or shouldn't, so I guess the topic is open to romance in both courtship and relationship.

    Either way, it's Saturday night so help yourselves with whichever angle you want to take it.
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    May 13, 2007 2:50 AM GMT
    No, Mad, I don't think you can talk about romance without invoking a poetic mind. Even Hallmark knows that.

    Have you read Rilke's "Letters to a Young Poet"? He writes a good bit about the heart's education in love in that.

    Romantic behavior? To be most meaningful I think it has to consider the particularity of its object's heart, even if it is performed inside the container of a ritual.

    Thus, were I to court AAT, I wouldn't just show up with a dozen roses. I'd have a few pink Brush Bunnies scattered in with them, along with a tube of Colgate and maybe a dental mirror to help explore those hard-to-see oral g-spots.
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    May 13, 2007 3:04 AM GMT
    OK, it's time for me to go out and get myself romanced for an hour. Happy Saturday night. Don't forget to brush your teeth before bed.